Page 38 of These Dangerous Fates

While I’m dying to ask him what he meant by his wolf considering me pack, something else has been nagging me. “Do you have a pack? I’ve never seen you with another shifter, even on social media. It’s always just Malakai and Cade.”

He stiffens, and his eyes shutter. I realize my mistake and regret asking him such a personal question.

“I’m sorry,” I say quickly. “I shouldn’t have asked that. Of all people, I should understand family issues and not wanting to talk about it.”

“No, it’s okay.” He shrugs. “My pack became corrupt, basically. I was kicked out for not complying with the alpha on things I didn’t agree with. Malakai and Cade are my pack now.”

And apparently me? Just as I’m opening my mouth to ask, he stops me.

“Next move.”

This time, he shows me how to break a hold if someone grabs me from behind in a bear hug. It’s hard to concentrate on what he says as he wraps his massive arms around me. He steps in close until his chest presses against my back, and instead of fear, a thrill of excitement moves through me. He’s talking, walking me through the steps, but all I can focus on is how his words vibrate deep in his chest against my back.

He’s so warm, his shifter magic burns off energy faster than a human. I fight the urge to melt into his arms. With him being so much bigger than me, it makes me feel so small in his embrace. Protected and safe. It’s a strange sensation, one I’m not used to, and I find that it’s not unwelcome. The thoughts that pop into my mind are surprising, for so many reasons. What would it be like to feel his body wrap around mine with no clothing between us? What would he feel like, covered in sweat and moving against me? Inside me? Fear and curiosity battle as each thought crosses my mind.

His breath stutters, and he leans forward until his mouth is against my ear. With a deep inhale, I know his animal senses are sharp enough to catch whatever scents I’m putting off.

“Kitten,” he practically purrs. “What are you thinking of right now?”

He smells like pine and the night air. It settles inside me, like a missing piece of my soul has snapped into place. I can’t help it, with the way his warm breath fans across my cheek, his arms pulling me tighter to his chest. My back arches and my ass rubs against the growing bulge in his pants. The moan that slips past his lips emboldens me, and I do it again.

“Fuck,” he growls. “You need to stop, Ellis.”

But I don’t want to stop. Part of me is waking up. Something inside me has been dormant for two years, and these guys are bringing it back to life with each look, each gentle touch, each kind word. It’s invigorating, scary, and exciting all at the same time. I turn in his arms and rest my hands on his chest. Under my palms, his heart pounds behind his ribcage. He’s breathing heavily and his eyes are hooded, the pale blue darker than usual. Knowing that I am the reason for his body reacting that way is a powerful thing.

I bravely stand on my tiptoes to reach his lips, but before I can mold my mouth to his, he grabs my wrists and gently pushes me away. Reality slams back into me so fast it leaves me in a daze. Cold flushes through my system, tempering the heat that built because of Sterling.

“I can’t … I …” He curses under his breath and storms out of the library.

I’m left standing on the mats, alone and shaking. Confused by my actions. Confused at his reaction. Just … confused. What just happened? I rub my arms, cold in his absence, and I replay everything that happened between us. The longer I think about it, the more my anxiety grows. Why did I do that? Why did I try to kiss him? Before I know it, I’m shaking so badly I have to sit on the couch or risk falling over.

Alone with just my thoughts is never a good place for me when my panic hits. I shakily pull out the burner phone Cade gave me and dial Allie’s number. I need her to talk me down before a full-fledged panic attack hits.

“I’m so confused,” I admit after telling her everything—what had happened with Cade and Malakai, the first contest and how I was almost abducted again, the self-defense lessons and how Sterling bolted. “How can I be attracted to anyone, let alone three guys, when Sam still haunts me? The thought of someone touching me makes me want to crawl out of my skin. But the thought of one of these guys even looking at me makes me hot and flushed, and … needy.”

“It makes sense to me,” Allie says. “Not only are they all incredibly attractive, but they have been nothing but kind to you. They have protected you and cared for you. Not one of them has hurt you, and most importantly, they have made you feel good again. That’s huge, El. They’ve shown you it’s okay to trust again. Everything they’ve done has proven that there are still good men out there, and you happened to stumble upon three of them. I’m crazy jealous.”

I huff a laugh. “So, it’s okay? I can be confused and sometimes scared, but still want them?”

“Of course! Hell, I went on that date with Connor, and I was terrified. I wanted him to to kiss me so fucking bad, but the thought made me want to puke at the same time. It’s a natural reaction, and you have extenuating circumstances that make it even harder.”

With the reminder of her date with Connor, I change the subject and we chat for another hour. With the magic way of hers, she calms me down and makes me see reason. There is nothing wrong with my confusing emotions, but maybe I need to talk to the guys about them? Or should I just ignore it? Ignoring has always been my go to, so maybe I’ll just stick with that. No point in bringing something up and making everything awkward.

After we hang up, I’m too antsy to read, and my mind won’t stop circling back to Sterling. I know the library is warded, and Malakai would be pissed if I left, but I can’t sit here a moment longer with only my thoughts for company. Cautiously, I open the door to the hallway and take a step outside.

I wander through Thorne estate, keeping my eyes and ears open for any sign of Salvatore Thorne, Malakai’s dad. I really don’t want to run into him. The place is gorgeous. Elegant opulence speaks to how long the Thorne’s have been in residence here. Gold trim and vaulted ceilings. Plush carpets and fancy artwork. Portraits hang on the walls, depicting members of the family through the ages.

I spot a portrait of Malakai as a young boy with an older woman. He has the same features as her. High cheekbones, plush lips, arching brows over beautiful gray eyes, a face framed in black hair. It has to be his mom, but I can’t remember a time I have ever heard about a woman living here, besides Salvatore’s mistresses.

I keep wandering down the halls until my stomach grumbles, and I make my way to the kitchen. It’s been renovated into a modern style with marble countertops, white cabinets, and large stainless steel appliances. Surprisingly, the space is empty. I had expected to find people cooking, even at this time of night. Vampires are nocturnal, after all. It takes me a moment to remember vampires don’t need food, so the only people in this house eating would be the human servants.

I open the fridge and find a ton of food. It all has to be prepared, though. Rather than fumble my way around an unfamiliar kitchen and piss off the cooks, I grab a container of strawberries from the fruit drawer. In the pantry I find the sugar and pour some in a bowl. Strawberries and sugar has always been one of my comfort foods.

I sit at the island on a barstool, and only make it through two strawberries when I hear male voices. My heart stops and I try to listen to see who it is. All I can hear, though, is my blood rushing through my ears. I scan the island for some kind of weapon and find nothing but the strawberries. The image of me throwing strawberries at an attacker almost makes me laugh.

The kitchen door opens and the light from the hallway back lights the two men so all I can see is their silhouette. Somehow, I still know who they are. I relax as Cade and Malakai stalk into the kitchen.

Malakai stops short when he sees me sitting at the island. “What are you doing awake?”

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