Page 313 of Steamy Ever After

He took another deep breath.

“I was traveling on winery business in San Francisco and drove back to Cambria. I stopped by your house, and Sam told me you weren’t home. I went to Stave and saw your car, but you weren’t there.”

Brodie heard Alex’s voice in his head. “Do not say you’re sorry until you’ve told her everything.”

“Before I left for up north, you told me I wasn’t Kade and I never would be.”

Peyton nodded but still wouldn’t look at him.

“I waited. I didn’t know where you were, but something told me to wait.” Brodie looked up. “Or someone.”

He cleared his throat and said a silent prayer that he wouldn’t cry when he told her what he’d done. He wouldn’t ask her forgiveness. He’d tell her, and then she could decide what was next for them.

“I didn’t say much when you invited me inside. God, Peyton, this is so hard. When I made love to you that night, I didn’t use a condom.”

He didn’t look at her. He couldn’t. He had to keep talking, or he’d never tell her the truth.

“I did it on purpose, Peyton. I made love to you without a condom because I wanted to tie you to me, forever, whether you wanted me or not. It was the only way my deranged brain could think of.”

She was crying, but he couldn’t stop now. This was his one shot to tell her everything, and no matter how hard it was to continue, he had to be man enough to admit what he’d done.

“I didn’t ask if it was okay. I didn’t ask if you were on birth control, because I didn’t want you to stop me. I’ve never had sex with anyone without a condom. Never.

“After, when you looked into my eyes and begged me not to say I was sorry, God, Peyton. I’ve never felt like such an asshole. I took your choice away. I forced myself on you, into you. And the first thing you said was for me not to be sorry.”

Peyton turned her body away from him, crying into the pillow she held so tightly against her.

“When I heard you sobbing that night, like you are now, my heart broke over what I’d done. I was filled with shame, not because I was with you, but because of what I had done to you. I knew what I was doing, and I did it anyway.”

There was more. He had to finish, and when he did, he’d walk away. It was clear to him now that she’d never forgive him, and why should she? He was a lying, conniving bastard.

“I drove as fast and as far from you as I could. When I got to the airport in Los Angeles, I took the next international flight available. That’s how I ended up in Argentina.”

Brodie cleared his throat and wiped away the tears he couldn’t stop from falling. “I fled, knowing I couldn’t stay away from you. I was too weak. And, Peyton, I couldn’t apologize either because if I had the chance to do it differently, I wouldn’t. What kind of man does that make me? I tricked you and manipulated you. I was ready to beg you to let me be a substitute for the man you truly loved. I knowingly tried to force you to have my child.”

It was a long time before Peyton turned her body toward him. She wasn’t crying as hard, but tears still rolled down her cheeks. He looked into her eyes. “I’m sorry, Peyton, but not for making love to you. The only part I’m sorry for is trying to manipulate you into spending your life with me.”

“Brodie…”

He loved hearing his name on her lips, but there was more he had to tell her.

“I came very close to dying after the plane crash. I dreamed about you and Kade. I dreamed he was telling me how to stay alive, but you were the reason I wanted to. I slipped in and out of consciousness, and if the search party hadn’t arrived when it had, I’m not sure I would be here.”

Brodie moved closer and rested his hand beside her, hoping she’d reach out to him, but she didn’t.

“There’s more, but it isn’t important, Peyton. The only important thing is that you know this—I love you. It may seem crazy since we haven’t known each other that long, but I love you, and nothing can change that. I love you so much that I fought to stay alive so I could come back and tell you. More than anything, I want to spend my life with you. I want to be a father to your boys, and I want to make more babies with you. I want you to choose to be with me, not because I forced you, but because you want to. I want you to be with me because you love me, Peyton.”

Brodie rested his head on the bed, next to where she lay. Telling her everything weighing so heavy on his soul had taken every ounce of energy in his body. His fatigue was the same as it had been when he was rescued and the helicopter flew him away from the plane’s wreckage.

Before he could get up, he felt Peyton’s fingers run through his hair. He couldn’t move, even to breathe, for fear she’d stop. His body craved her touch, and the loss of it so soon after he’d felt it, would devastate him. The place where he rested his head was damp with his tears, but he wasn’t ashamed of them. Crying meant he was alive.

He thought about the day he met Peyton. The cold wind from the ocean had stung his face with sand, and he remembered being grateful to be alive that day too.

“Brodie,” she whispered. “Please look at me.”

He raised his head, knowing what she was going to say. He’d prepared himself, but not for the depth of hurt that pulsed through his body, anticipating, knowing, she was going to ask him to leave. His gratitude for being alive dissipated. Without Peyton in his life, he’d rather have died in the crash.

Peyton rested one hand on his while she shifted the pillow away from her stomach with the other, tossed it to the floor, and moved the blankets covering her away. She reached down and raised the oversized T-shirt she was wearing, took his hand, and brought it to her bare abdomen.

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