Page 59 of Scoring with my Bestie's Ex

Or talking about future plans?

I snag the needle on the fabric and carefully free it, then inspect the damage. When I smooth it out again, there’s the tiniest remnants of the snag. Barely noticeable, but still there

Enough that I’m going to have to remove that section of fabric and replace it, or do something to cover it up.

Is that me? Are there pieces of me that I need to replace?

A knock comes on the door, jolting me from my thoughts. I quickly put the needle aside and answer it.

Aaron stands on the other side. He holds up a water bottle.

“Ellen sent me to make sure you’re going to hydrate,” he says, his voice low. “They’re heating up their food. Are you okay?”

I take the bottle and hold the door open a little more. “Come in?”

He steps into the room and glances around. His gaze lands on the bed, then quickly moves over to the dress form I was working on.

“Is this all the space you have for this?”

I put the bottle on my nightstand. “I’m alright.”

He turns back to me, his expression soft. “I know you weren’t expecting that.”

“Not so soon. I got the feeling that Ellen’s been dancing around telling me she’s unofficially engaged for a few days now.” I shrug. “Honestly, I think the main thing is that I’m just tired. It’s been a very emotional day.”

Aaron nods slowly. “If you need to talk, you can call any time.”

I smile, but that’s not true. I can call at reasonable times.

Anything else would be putting relationship pressure on him.

“I mean it,” he adds, as though he can see the thoughts in my head.

“I know you mean it,” I assure him.

After he’s gone, I change into my pajamas and collapse onto my bed.

It’s not a matter of whether or not Aaron means it. It’s not a matter of whether or not he wants to be there for me.

I know he does.

I know that he’ll come to my rescue in a heartbeat. That’s the sort of man he is, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

The thing is, I don’t know what it means for me. If he’s there to fix my problems or listen to me bewail my situation, how long until he’s tired of listening to me?

There’s value in being able to reach out to other people, but I still need to figure out how to deal with these situations on my own.

Part of me wonders if the reason I want Aaron around is because I want to give up and just let him take care of me.

Another part wonders if I’m jealous that Ellen has found an instant connection.

All in all, I’m overwhelmed. Everything is up all at once, and this friendship with Aaron, which isn’t fully a friendship and isn’t fully a romance, is just making me all the more confused.

I need to take a step back. Find my balance again. Figure out exactly how much time my career is going to take, and then decide if I have time for a man.

Right now, all I know is that it would be far too easy for me to rely on Aaron for everything, from emotional comfort to problem-solving.

So I need to take a step back. Put a little distance between us. Now is the right time for it. I’m constantly drawn to him, but with how busy we both are, it’s only natural for us to have that extra space.

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