Page 42 of Scoring with my Bestie's Ex

“What?” I demand, on guard now.

She averts her gaze. “It’s nothing.”

“No, it’s not nothing,” I insist. “What’s going on?”

Ellen shrugs. “I just don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this. And I think maybe… maybe you actually have feelings for him, but you don’t want to admit them because of everything with Steven.”

I run my hand over my eyes. “It’s not fair to lay all the blame on Steven, you know. He might not have been a good partner, but I ignored the warning signs.”

Ellen’s expression is doubtful.

“I don’t want to talk about him, anyway,” I say quickly. “About Aaron. I do think that I have… feelings for him. I’m not exactly steadfast when I do try to create boundaries. And that’s a problem, I think. I’m worried I might be sending him mixed signals.”

Like telling him I'm not interested in a relationship, then practically sending him a formal invitation to kiss me

I shake my head. “We never really talked about you two together. Was he a good boyfriend?”

Ellen nods. “He was fantastic. Busy, for sure, and he didn’t always have the time for me that I thought I deserved. But he was always very clear about the commitments he had.”

He’s been clear with me on that front, too. He’s not in a place where he wants a committed relationship, either.

“Aaron is a great guy. He’s everything I wanted. Charming, witty, friendly, and caring. He’s easy on the eyes, too.” Ellen chuckles.

“That he really is,” I sigh, picturing his bright smile and those abs that look like they were sculpted by a Renaissance artist. “Honestly, he could read me the phone book and I’d still swoon.”

“The breaking point with us was that we didn’t have a spark. If we had, we could have seen it through.” Ellen hesitates. “That’s not to say he’s perfect. Some things annoyed me.”

“Like what?”

“How busy he was, for one. And he often ended up distracted when we were out if anyone else looked like they needed help. He’d step in and ask if he could do anything.” Ellen laughs softly. “I know that sounds selfish.”

I didn’t think so. “If he was prioritizing strangers over you, I can see why that would be frustrating.”

“It was.” Ellen shakes her head. “He stopped when I asked him to, but I could always tell when he noticed something.”

I chew my lip. “Do you think he sees me as a hardship case? Someone to be rescued?”

“No. I don’t think he sees you that way,” Ellen answered.

I pull my knees to my chest. “There’s just so much I’m uncertain about. I don’t know if I’m the sort of woman who can be in a committed relationship.”

“You can’t base your understanding of yourself on what happened with Steven,” Ellen says.

“It’s not about Steven. I told Aaron that I want to keep things casual until I figure out who I am…but I don’t know if I really don’t know who I am, or if what I feel with him is real, or if I’m just fundamentally messed up,” I confess.

Ellen takes my hands in hers, her gaze softening.

“Even when I say I need time, I’m not sure if it’s what I really want, or if it’s just what I think I should do,” I continue. My thoughts are tying themselves into knots again.

“I can’t help you with all that,” Ellen says softly. “You could do worse than take a chance on Aaron. But you also deserve to take the time to sort things out.”

I’m fighting back tears as Ellen pulls me in for a mamma bear hug.

“You have a lot going on,” she says. “I’d hate to see you get hurt by rushing into things. Better to move slow than too fast, Bella.”

Chapter sixteen

Aaron

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