Page 28 of Scoring with my Bestie's Ex

“And the latest update is that the road will be clear tomorrow,” he offers weakly.

I didn’t know that. A pang hits my stomach. As eager as I am to get back to my normal life, part of me will miss Castleton.

“Thanks for the update,” I say frostily. “But we have nothing to say to each other.”

Steven runs a hand through his hair. “Bella, we have a lot to talk about. I shouldn’t have messed with your dress. I see that now. My mother convinced me…”

“No.”

“No?” he repeats.

“No, I don’t want to hear your excuses.” I struggle against my emotions. I’m trembling already. “I’m done, Steven.”

He gives me a searching look. “I got us spots on the plane to get out. We can go home and work things out. You’ve always said you want us to do counseling, and I—why are you shaking your head?”

“Because there’s nothing left to work out, Steven. When I say I’m done, I mean it.” To my humiliation, my voice starts to shake.

I’ve rehearsed what I would say to Steven when I finally got the guts to do it. I ran through dozens of scenarios.

Now that I’m actually facing him, of course, I’m going to cry.

“There is no coming back from this,” I continue. “We should have never gotten back together after the first time we broke up. That’s my fault, too. It’s time to break this cycle.”

“Bella, come on,” Steven says urgently.

He reaches for my arm, and I yank it away.

“Are you really going to throw away the years we’ve been together? The life we’ve built?”

“Steven, listen to me. This isn’t working. It never did. We haven’t built a life together, just piles of resentment. I should have had the courage to end it sooner. But you can’t honestly think that we can work things out when I ran out on our wedding!”

It’s impossible that he actually wants to get back together. I can’t believe that he wants to be with me, nor can I believe that it’d be any less than utterly toxic for both of us.

Steven holds up his hands. “Okay, look. I know that things are bad. I was humiliated when I realized I had a runaway bride. But I also know that it was my fault, too.”

I fold my arms over my chest. My emotions whirl throughout my body, but even though I want to cry, I don’t doubt myself.

This is toxic.

Maybe he’s the toxic one, maybe I am. Maybe neither of us is, and it’s just the way we react together, like bleach and ammonia creating chloramine gas. I don’t know anymore. What I do know is that if Steven can’t see it, he needs help.

“I’ll forgive you, Bella,” he says urgently. “And I know you can forgive me, too.”

“Steven, please.”

“Bella, please.” He reaches for my hand again.

It’s my own fault. I’ve let him talk me back to him before. I’ve been the one begging to get back together.

This is our pattern.

I look him in the eye. “Why?”

Steven takes a step back. “Why… what?”

“Why do you want me back?”

He opens his mouth, then closes it. I wait.

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