Page 76 of Protecting Christina

I sucked at my teeth. “And you preferred to live with him than with me?”

She folded her arms, and the chair creaked. “You never offered.”

I snapped my head back toward her. “I wasn’t referring to us now. I meant when we were kids.”

She sighed. “So, that’s why you came here today?”

“No,” I said. My jaw clenched, and I pushed my hair away from my face. “Maybe.”

“I don’t have time for this shit.” She stood up and went back into the kitchen.

Her walking away from me triggered something deep inside my gut. “There you go again, leaving me behind.”

She threw her arms in the air. “There you go again, complaining about something I didn’t do.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You think Gabby hasn’t reached out to me? She told me why you were so pissed at me. Said you felt abandoned or some shit like that. She thought I would feel bad or something. Well, you know what little sis, I don’t. Because there was no one to feel bad for me, either.”

“You were my older sister. What the hell was I supposed to do, huh?”

“I was seventeen!” she shouted. “Not even legal. They wouldn’t give me custody of you, and I didn’t want it. I didn’t even know what to do with myself, let alone two kids.”

“You didn’t have to leave. We could have gotten through it together.”

She put her hands on her hips. “You don’t get it, do you?”

“No. I don’t.”

“You should be thanking me for leaving.”

I scoffed. “Sure. I should thank you for abandoning me.”

“If I’d stayed, then you would have struggled. You would have turned out just like me. But because I left, you found Gabby. Her family helped you in ways that I never could.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know how many nights I went to bed hungry before I told Gabby that you’d left me alone in the apartment at twelve? Or how many times I had to hide when someone broke into the house looking for drugs or money? She wasn’t there to hold me. And neither were you. You didn’t save me, Donna. I had to save myself. And I will never thank you for it.”

“What do you want from me now? I can’t go back and change it. I can’t do it over again. So, what do you want?” Her chest heaved and her face reddened.

My fists clenched, and I wanted to shout something back at her. Anything. “I want you to apologize, damn it. Say that you’re fucking sorry.”

“You don’t think that I’m not sorry about how my life turned out?”

“This isn’t about you, Donna.”

“Why not? Why is it always about you?”

I blinked. My anger dissipated for a moment. “What?” I asked.

Tears filled my sister’s eyes. “You weren’t the only one who lost her parents. I didn’t know what the hell I was supposed to do. I wasn’t old enough to raise you. I wasn’t old enough to raise myself. So yeah, I ran. Damn it, I ran because I didn’t want this. But there was no one there for me, either. So, no, I won’t apologize to you, Christina. I won’t apologize because who will apologize to me?”

Shit.

I hadn’t thought of that.

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