Page 23 of The Silver Pact

“Yes, I mean he had all these expectations that I would find a pack to take care of the family. He was selfish and mean.” I shift on the spot, uncomfortable. “I was just a thing to him. Something of value. Onyx had no value in his eyes. But our mother hated me. I was yet another reason why she was trapped to him. I was just another him. She told me once that if she didn’t have me, she would have taken Onyx and left him. All of our suffering was on my shoulders.”

I fall silent, remembering the way my mother would watch me whenever I walked into a room.

“I used to be jealous of Onyx. Because at least our mother loved her.”

“Silver-”

“No, I’m not telling you so you feel sorry for me. I’m telling you so you understand I know what growing up in battlefield is like.”

We’re silent for a long minute.

“I need to tell you something that I haven’t even told my pack.” Ross reaches across, takes my hand in his, and holds it tight.

I twist until I can stare at his face. “Anything you say won’t go anywhere. I promise I’ll keep your secrets.”

Ross smiles slightly. “I know. Brandy made me feel the way my mother used to make me feel when she was in an episode.”

I flinch, then reach out and lay my hand on his. “I’m so sorry.” My heart is beating fast, and my thoughts are racing. “But why haven’t you told the others? They won’t hate you. They’d understand.”

“We don’t talk about her or you,” Ross says. “You have to understand, Silver, we all had potent feelings for you. I understand you didn’t-”

I can’t just leave him thinking I didn’t care. It’s so far from the truth it’s not funny. I can’t let him think that.

“I couldn’t. There were things.” I take a huge breath, stopping the verbal vomit that is rushing out. “Listen, I had some things going on. I liked you guys. It was the happiest I’d been in a long time. I felt amazing with you.”

“But?”

I bite my bottom lip, tears welling in my eyes. “What do you want me to say, Ross? I’m a selfish omega. I-”

“Don’t do that. I feel like I know you fairly well. Would you agree?” Ross says firmly, his hand tightening around mine.

I incline my head. Very reluctantly.

“You aren’t selfish. Silver, you haven’t asked for anything! You didn’t complain at the refuge. Silver, you are a good person. I don’t know who that person was that you changed into at the Omega Meet, but it wasn’t you.”

I flinch. Ross doesn’t back off, though. In fact, he turns towards me and puts his other hand on my thigh.

“You know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of a mask. Like you were trying too hard to be something you weren’t. Not with us, but with the others. With the flirting and chasing and wanting. That wasn’t you. In your eyes, I saw desperation. I saw the pain that was in my mother’s eyes.”

I stand up, backing away from him.

Ross stands up and follows me. He snags my wrist and pulls me into his arms, wrapping me in safety.

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you, Silver,” Ross whispers in my ear. “You don’t have to wear a mask. You don’t have to pretend anymore.”

My whole body trembles, shivers traveling up and down in a continuous circuit. But he doesn’t let go. He just keeps holding me. Whispering that I’m safe. That nothing will happen.

At some point, even though my head screams that it’s a lie, my heart starts to believe that maybe it’s true. Maybe I am safe.

ten

Quint

Three years and two weeks ago

Two nights until the Omega Meet

Silver

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