Page 20 of Krash & Bern

We remained silent for a long time. I couldn’t do the long distance. I trusted Bern with my life, but niggas could be persuasive. She’d be around other people who loved to do the things she loved, and I didn’t stand a chance against them.

“I don’t want what we have to be over, but I think we’ve hit the end of our relationship, Keyshawn. We can’t find a common ground, and neither of us want to compromise our futures. It’s okay.” She sniffed and wiped away stray tears.

“I guess we better make the most of the semester then, huh?”

“Definitely.”

The pain in my heart felt permanent. The pressure in my chest, fueled by the liquor in my system, made me shut my eyes. We were really going to part ways at the end of the semester, less than five months.

God, please protect my heart and soul from further pain.

The throbbing in my head made me groan as I woke up the next morning. My mind instantly replayed last night’s events, and dread crept through my body and rested in my chest. It would be hard to live under the same roof as Bernice when we both knew the inevitable demise of our relationship.

The sound of the smoke detector going off made me sit up straight. I jumped out of bed and rushed into the kitchen. Smoke filled the air as Bernice struggled to get the smoke detector to stop beeping.

“Move out the way, Bern.” I gently pushed her out the way as I turned off the stove and moved the burned sausage links into a bowl. I put the scorched pan into the sink and applied water. The sizzle of the pan was loud as smoke rose higher. I opened the patio door and allowed the smoke to clear. I fanned the smoke detector with a towel and looked over at Bern who had a defeated expression on her face.

“I’m sorry, Keyshawn,” she whimpered.

“What are you apologizing for?” I asked.

“I wanted to make you breakfast in bed because I figured you’d wake up with a hangover… I guess I made it worse with the alarms going off and the stench of burnt breakfast meat.”

“You don’t cook,” I pointed out.

“I didn’t think it would be so hard,” she admitted.

“I appreciate the gesture. We can go to iHop or Waffle House to get me right. I’ll even let you drive since you’re such a pro.” I smirked.

“You remembered that?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I guess before you leave me forever, we can work on getting you your license. You might need to get you a whip out there.”

“I’d appreciate that a lot.”

“Fa sho. Let me get dressed and we can head out.”

She nodded. “Okay. I’ll clean up while you get ready.”

I leaned in for a kiss, but she stepped back. I bit down on my bottom lip as I looked into her eyes.

“We can’t kiss anymore?” I asked.

She shrugged. “It’ll be weird… Why would we still act like a couple if we know we’re not going to be together when I have to move at the end of the summer?”

A sigh slid from my lips. “I’m not going to lie and say I understand what you’re saying. However, I will say I respect your decision to put the boundary in place.”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s not my choice, but it’s the smart thing to do. We need to minimize the heartbreak when we have to call it quits, so why not start the transition now?”

“I hear you.”

“Putting the blame on me is fucking bananas,” she argued.

“How is it bananas when this is your decision?”

She chuckled, but there was no amusement present in her tone. “You won’t gaslight me into thinking this is my fault. I didn’t think I would be accepted into the program, but I was, and it’s a huge accomplishment. I didn’t think my man would make my greatest achievement turn into an ultimatum to choose between him and my education, but you did. Now, as I set boundaries for the decision we both made, I refuse to let you make me feel like the bad guy for protecting my heart. I refuse to let you make me feel like the bad guy for protecting my mind. I’ll go crazy if I have to stop loving you cold turkey.”

Her words swarmed through my head. The pleading look in her eyes broke my soul into pieces. She had a point, but I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to go along with her terms, because I didn’t want to accept our fate. God couldn’t have meant for Bern to only be a temporary person in my life. She was supposed to be my forever. How could I ever agree to letting her slowly slip away from me?

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