Page 14 of Tempting

A ridiculously loud, obnoxious laugh slips past my lips. “If Stranger Things and General Tso’s sounds sexy to you, then I guess I am. But really think more Netflix and veg, less Netflix and chill. I need a night where I don’t have to work or think or cook, or really even do laundry, since I haven’t moved the wash to the dryer in about three episodes now.”

The doors ding and open, and Nixon takes the greasy bag of food from my hands. “Sounds perfect.”

Umm... Yeah. I guess it kind of does.

“Do you remember the way you used to stab the food with your chopstick?” I point my chopstick at him and laugh as Nixon drops his dumpling... again.

“Listen. I never understood why we needed chopsticks if we had perfectly good forks in the drawer.” He gives in and picks up the dumpling with his fingers and pops it in his mouth. Can eating be sexy? Because the way Nixon does it, it somehow manages to be sexy.

“So what’s it like coming home, Mac?” He swallows and leans back against the couch, since we’re both sitting on the floor between my coffee table and the couch. I haven’t exactly gotten around to buying furniture yet. It seems pointless when I think about how much time I actually spend at home.

I lean over his plate and steal a piece of the sweet and sour chicken, buying myself a minute to decide how I want to answer this.

“It’s different, but I figured it would be. The girls have all moved on with their lives, and I feel like I’m standing still in some ways. So that’s a little weird. Plus, I built a life in DC.” I think about that for a minute and silently cringe. “Maybe not an exciting one. But it was mine. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to be home. I love being close enough to finally see everyone again... To actually be an active member of my family. It’s just a little hard to...”

I trail off, trying to find the words.

“I get it. Leo and Hendrix stayed in town and went to Kroydon U together. They played hockey together. They lived together. Then I came home after graduating from Boston U and felt a little like an outsider instead of a big brother. And I got to see them a lot more over the four years I was away than you got to see anyone during your residency. It’s like you have to try to reassimilate to this world.” He grabs an egg roll and points it at me.

“Did you ever think about playing anywhere else?” I ask curiously. Easton spent years playing across the country before he was traded home. It’s not like most players spend their entire careers in one city, playing for one team.

“I’ve thought about it,” he shrugs, nonchalantly. “But I’ve got it good where I am. I don’t know...” he muses. “But seriously, Mac. You’ve got to stop being so damn hard on yourself. You’re not standing still. You’re a freaking surgeon, which is amazing. You’re delivering babies. That’s so cool.”

He takes a bite of his egg roll, then pushes away Gordie when he lifts his head, wanting to see what Nix is crunching on. “What made you decide to be an ob-gyn?”

I place my plate on the table and wipe my hands with a napkin, buying myself a minute or two. “You want the real answer or what I tell everyone?”

He doesn’t hesitate. “The real answer.”

I turn toward him and bring my knees up in front of myself. “The worst day of my life was inside a hospital. My mom was young and beautiful and full of life a week before she died. Then she got the flu and just kept getting sicker.” I think back to those days before she got sick. I can still hear her laugh. It’s harder to remember now, but if I calm my mind, I can still hear it. I can still remember the smell of the French toast with honey and cinnamon she made us that Sunday morning and the way she was coughing and calling it a summer cold.

Soon, all I could smell was the acidic hand sanitizer we had to use every time we went into her hospital room. My stomach drops like it always does when I think about that week. The way I was counting down the days until she could come home. The way Easton was so miserable, having to stay with our grandparents, and tried insisting we could just stay in Mom’s room.

“One day, she was making breakfast and saying it was a summer cold. Within a week she was hospitalized. Within a few days of that, she was septic... and then she was just gone.” Clinically, I know my heart doesn’t actually hurt in my chest, but telling that to my head doesn’t make a difference. I close my eyes and breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, pushing back the pain. “Mom used to always tell me I was going to be a doctor. She used to notice, even at the beach, I hated my hands to be dirty. She knew then I was destined to be a doctor. Not just any doctor. She always said I’d be a surgeon. I guess I wanted to give her one last wish. But I want to be part of the miracle of life. So I got it in my head I wanted to deliver babies.”

“Mac...” Nixon wraps an arm around my shoulders and squeezes, and I open my eyes to look at him. His face is a mask of emotion. “I can’t imagine how hard that had to be.”

I lean into him and rest my head on his shoulder. “Don’t get me wrong. No doctor only gets to experience the good days. There are plenty of bad ones, and those bad days are horrific. You know you’re going to be a memory in the worst day of someone’s life. But I also get to be a memory in the best day of someone else’s. Those are the days you enjoy.”

Nixon’s big hand runs up and down my arm. “You’re pretty amazing, Mackenzie Hayes.” Gordie takes advantage of the way I’m leaning against Nixon and jumps up, resting his paws between us and drags his tongue down my face until I’m laughing. “See? Even Gordie agrees.”

“Yeah, well you’re not too bad yourself, Nix.” I allow myself another minute tucked against him like this, then scooch back and pick up my chopsticks, needing some space. I point at the dumpling left on his plate. “You gonna finish that?”

Nixon studies me, probably trying to figure out why I just jumped away like my ass was on fire. When he comes up without an answer, his easygoing smile slips back into place, and our melancholy conversation is long forgotten. “All yours, Mac.”

I pick it up, and before I get a chance to eat it, he bites it right off my chopsticks.

“What the hell?” I giggle.

“Guess I decided I wanted it after all.” His smile transforms his whole face, and then he winks and rises to his feet with Gordie snapping at his heels as he cleans up our mess.

I pick up our glasses and follow him into the kitchen, where he’s already rinsing the plates and adding them to my dishwasher. He takes the glasses out of my hands and adds them to the top rack, then turns to look at me. His eyes soften for a second, then he rights the neck of my sweater that’s slipped off my left shoulder and runs his hand up my neck, like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Only it’s not natural for me.

It tickles, and I bite down on my lip and giggle as I take a step back.

“Ahh... ticklish. Noted. You better get some sleep. Big night tomorrow.”

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