Page 15 of Shadow Target

“What was that?”

“Trying to teach myself how to become self-aware enough to be thoughtful and caring toward other people. Trying to plumb my own depths, my thoughts… those pesky emotions I avoided like the plague,” and he managed a poor semblance of a smile. “You were right: I was completely self-centered.”

“I used the word ‘narcissist’.”

“Yeah, that one, too. Anyway, I’ve been working on myself, looking at why I am the way I am. And what happened to tip me that direction.”

“That’s good to hear,” she said softly.

“You’ve always been self-aware, haven’t you?”

“My mom supported me when I was just a kid, Shep. She said I had to be responsible and think about what I was going to say to someone before even opening my mouth. That, if I ever did something unhealthy, I had to look inside myself and figure out where that action had originated from. To understand what event, experience, what person or environment, pushed me in that direction. And if it hurt someone else? Any human, or animal or the Earth itself? Then I had to fix that broken bit within myself and never do it again. So yes, I’m constantly aware of myself. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect. It just means I’m trying to be a better person where I wasn’t before, is all. Probably most important? Is not projecting on other people.”

“Yeah, I remember this talk with you many times.”

She responded with a nod. “We’re getting into some deep psychology here, but people are constantly projecting on one another. And it’s a terrible place to be in because the other person is always savaged and hurt by our accusations about stuff that we, ourselves have within us, but we’re blaming the other person and then playing the victim. Yup, it’s a terrible place to be in, Shep. And that was a huge part of our marriage going south.”

He responded, “I have a tough time seeing myself, so I don’t really feel any changes. I hope you will see them in me, though.”

She snorted. “I’ll get off my tirade about patriarchal males who are toxic masculinity at its finest. Just the fact that you asked me PERSONAL questions about my family shows you’ve changed. You never once asked me about my family before.”

Wincing, he said, “Yeah, I was pretty much asleep.”

“At least now you’re trying. That’s good, Shep.”

“I needed you to know this, Willow, because we’re going to be working closely together over the next year and I didn’t want World War Three to erupt between us like it did in our marriage.”

“I told Wyatt I’d be professional, and I will be, Shep. You don’t have to worry about me nagging you. I know we can work on that level with one another without any problem.”

He gave her a warm look, wanting to reach out and curl his fingers around hers. “We’ll make this work,” he promised her, wild feelings of relief flowing through him. Willow had grown, too, he realized. She’d once had a hair-trigger temper when things didn’t go her way. Now? She was thoughtful. Not so quick to judge or throw up defenses against him if he started withdrawing from her emotionally. Sure, all looked good enough for now, but Shep still had no confidence in the strength of the hull of their rebuilt relationship; the same ship they’d already wrecked on so many angry reefs while trying to man the helm together in the past. How could they expect to keep the vessel on course this time around?

CHAPTER 5

Willow couldn’t believe Shep had apologized to her. After he left to go sleep off his jet lag in his condo, she puttered around her own kitchen, cleaning up and putting the dirty plates into the dishwasher. It was nearly noon when a knock came at her door.

Opening, it, she saw it was Dev. Stepping aside, she asked, “Everyone tucked into bed?”

Grinning, Dev walked in. “Yes, everyone is settled in, fed and have had a shower and I’m sure most of them are sleeping like babies. I showed Luke to the condo he and Porter are sharing. So, everything’s done.”

“Great, thanks for that. Have you eaten, Dev?”

“No. But I can go to my condo and scrounge up a sandwich.”

“Don’t worry, come on in,” and Willow shut the door behind her business partner. “I was just making a fresh cup of coffee. Want some? How about a sandwich? I got some tuna left over and it’ll be quick to fix.”

“Sounds good, thanks,” Dev said, walking into the kitchen with her. “How’d things go with your ex?”

Willow saw amusement dancing in Dev’s dark-blue eyes as she leaned against the counter next to the coffee machine. “Better than expected.”

“Tell all.”

Dev was like a sister to her. Willow plopped a K-cup into the Keurig. “Shep apologized for being a jerk while we were married.” Going to the fridge, she pulled out a bowl of tuna and quickly made a sandwich for Dev.

Making a humming sound of satisfaction, Dev said, “Were you expecting that?”

“Hell, no. We had a great friendship, and we should never have gotten married, but it was a mad, crazy, spontaneous moment when we did it.”

“Sometimes? Friendship is the best base for a good, strong, lasting relationship,” Dev said. And then she laughed abruptly. “Of course, who am I to say such things? I trust men as far as I can throw them.”

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