Page 75 of Shattered Dreams

“Baby. Talk to me.”

“You remember when we found out Vivi was pregnant?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you remember what you said?”

I watched him sit back and think. “That I was glad it wasn’t us?”

“And?”

“And I didn’t want to have kids because I would probably be a shit dad.” He tilted his head. “I just wanted to get out of that house and away from the violence.”

“Do you remember me being sick?”

“Yeah. We all thought you, Vivi and Miranda had a sto …” His mouth fell open. “We were pregnant?”

I nodded and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see disgust for me on his face.

“Fuck my life.” He muttered, lifting my face to look at him. “Open your eyes, Jo.” I willed my eyes open, shocked to see sadness in his. “I looked at you and said thank god it’s not us.”

I nodded. “My parents were so pissed off. Dad wanted to talk to your parents and have you make an honest woman of me.” I looked down at my hands. “I begged them to wait. To give me a chance to talk to you first. And I wanted to, so bad. But then it came out that Vivi was.”

He scoffed and shook his head in disgust. “You broke up with me not even two weeks later.”

Oh fuck. He hates me.

“I made a deal with my mom. I would stay at my grandma’s until I figured out what I wanted to do. When I chubbed up, grandma figured it out and told me if I loved you, I should have faith in you to stand by me.”

“Oh hell, Jo, I was a dumb motherfucker.” He cupped my face with both hands.

“I … I got in my car and was driving home. Driving to you.”

Richard’s face went slack, and in the bonfire’s light he looked pale. “Oh, no.” His grip on my face tightened. “Jo, no. Please tell me that wasn’t the night of your accident.”

I nodded, sobbing harder. “I was twenty-four weeks. The accident wasn’t massive, but it put me into early labor. When they did the ultrasound, there was no heartbeat.” I choked back a sob. “They don’t know if one thing had to do with another. The baby could’ve died before that. Or it could’ve been from the accident. At any rate, I had to give birth, and name her, and bury her.” My tears are falling on our hands.

“Her?” His voice was a whisper. “We had a little girl?”

I nodded.

“What did you name her?”

“Layla Marie Parks.”

“Layla.” Tears fell down his cheeks. “That’s beautiful.” He let go of my face and grabbed my hands, kissing my wrists. “You went through all that? Alone?”

“I’m so sorry,”

He reached out and pulled me into his lap, rocking us. “Baby, Why?”

I wish he would just get mad and be over it.

“Why what?” I snapped, feeling confused and hurt.

“Why didn’t you let me be there for you?”

“I didn’t want to ruin your life. And you said you never wanted kids.”

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