Page 36 of Shattered Dreams

Jolynn

“I’m sorry Mrs. Evans. Some of the things your son told me in this therapy session require me to call DCF.”

I swiped the tear that fell from my cheek. “Don’t be sorry. I understand.” I needed to swallow but can’t, and my heart raced as I tried not to break down in sobs. “You ready to head out, Harrison?”

“Yep.” He gave me a huge smile and, for the first time since he was a baby, I saw peace on his face.

He wrapped his arms around my neck. “Are you mad at me, Mama?”

“Of course not. You told the truth and the things you shared that your dad did are not okay. I’m sorry …” Tears streamed down my face as I embraced him back. “I failed you and your brothers and your sisters.”

His hands patted my back. “No, you didn’t. You protected us the best you could.”

Those words made me sob harder.

“Harrison, could I talk with your mom for a moment? Woman to woman?” Claire’s soft voice invaded my internal battering.

“Okay, Miss Claire.” My son kissed my cheek and left the room, skipping.

She tilted her head, and her face grew serious. “Jolynn?”

I nodded and reached for some tissue to clean my face and blow my nose.

“Jolynn, you survived.” Her voice stayed soft but had a firmness to it. “You could still be there, but you left, and I know that was hard to do.”

“Why?” I threw my hands up. “What the hell made me stay? What made me think I deserved that? That I’d never get anything better? That my life was what I deserved?”

“Are you wanting the truth or something to ease you into the truth?”

I gasped and remembered she knew my secret. In a dark moment after I first left John, I told her why I left Port Stella.

“Did Harrison mention we went to the fair a couple days ago?”

“He did.” She beamed. “He also told me how cool Richard was and his brothers. And that he felt a tiny bit of guilt because he pretended that was his dad.”

“Oh.” My eyes flew open.

“He said his brothers did the same. And when an accident happened, there was no anger or yelling. Your boys are very taken with him. In my sessions with them, both Grady and Tyler wouldn’t stop talking about him and the fair.”

“They just met him.” I blew my nose again.

Claire gave me an easy shrug. “Kids and pets usually know the good ones.” Her lips twisted. “I bet if you tell him, your guilt will go away.”

“Walking with him, seeing him with the kids … He …” I slammed a hand over my mouth to quiet the sobs.

“Do you still love him?”

I nodded. “Claire, I never stopped.”

“If he’s half the man your boys talked about, and you’ve shared about, maybe it’s time to forgive yourself?”

My head bobbed. “Maybe. For now, I’m going to have some time with my oldest.”

“Enjoy your day. I’ll see you next week.” She slipped her glasses on, and her fingers flew over the keyboard as she typed.

I left the room and found Harrison drawing a picture in the lobby.

“What should we do next?” I looked over his shoulder to see a car with flames on the side.

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