Page 29 of Road to a Cowboy

What was happening right now?

Cal’s gaze strayed out the window, and Austin got the sick sense that he wanted to be anywhere but here. He took a sip of his water, though he had difficulty swallowing past the lump in his throat.

When he’d envisioned dating Cal, he’d imagined smooth sailing and easy conversations. Because why should that change just because their relationship was shifting gears? He’d envisioned them slotting into each other’s lives as seamlessly as always. A steady road, slick and newly paved, leading from him to Cal without a single crack in the asphalt between them.

But this road wasn’t steady. Not only were there cracks but there were potholes and black ice every few feet.

Austin hadn’t expected this... this... this awkwardness. He hadn’t expected Cal’s fingers to twitch in impatience against the table. Or for Cal to turn to one-word answers. Or for his smiles not to reach his eyes.

On Austin’s first day as a freshman in Laramie, he’d walked into his first class ever as a college student and felt a little lost. He hadn’t known a single soul in the two-hundred-person capacity lecture hall, and for a moment, he’d doubted himself and his ability to fit into his new surroundings, and he’d questioned every decision that had brought him there.

That was how he felt now, faced with Cal sitting across from him in the something nice Austin had jokingly ordered him to wear. Lost and second guessing everything.

Was this... all a mistake?

Chapter Nine

“Want to take a walk?”

Cal buttoned his blazer against the cool evening as they stepped out of the restaurant, and he blinked at Austin. They’d just survived a splendidly awkward-as-fuck dinner—as though they hadn’t conversed about everything and anything with ease every day of their lives up until now—and Austin wanted to prolong the evening with a walk?

But Austin looked so hopeful that Cal couldn’t do anything but agree. “Lead the way.”

Austin’s answering smile was sad around the edges, shooting a bolt of regret straight through Cal’s heart. Cal knew that was his fault, but he couldn’t figure out where this evening had gone sideways.

He’d felt stiff and uncomfortable from the beginning, and not only because of the slacks and blazer get-up. He’d opted to leave his cowboy hat at home, which had made him feel as though he were missing a limb. Being picked up by Austin was nothing new, but being picked up by Austin knowing this night was different from any other night they’d ridden somewhere together made the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. The restaurant had been both too pricey and too fancy. And Nadia had brought them a cheesecake drizzled in strawberry and chocolate sauces for dessert—“On me,” she’d said with a small smirk—that was shaped like a heart and topped with a sparkler that had drawn the attention of nearby diners. Cal had wished for the floor to swallow him whole.

On top of all that, for the first time in his life, Cal couldn’t figure out what to say to his best friend.

Before Lindsay had entered the picture, before Austin had fallen hard and fast for her, Cal used to imagine what going on a date with Austin would be like.

He’d never imagined this total failure.

Cal’s entire body was heavy with disappointment, and he opened his mouth to tell Austin maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all, when Austin shoved his hands in his pants pockets and said, “Nice night.”

Inane chit-chat. It was what they’d been doing all evening.

“Yeah,” Cal agreed.

“It’s nice that the weather cleared up. I’ve always liked the square at night, with the lights and the stars.”

“You’ve always had a fanciful side.”

“Lies,” Austin said, clutching dramatically at imaginary pearls.

Cal chuckled. And just like that, they were on more even footing.

It only lasted a second before silence descended between them again. Not the comfortable silence that defined quiet moments between them, but a silence thickening with unwanted doubts and tension. Cal could almost feel the frustration wafting off Austin, and the sense that he was letting him down caused an ache in Cal’s gut that made him clench his hands into fists.

For years, Cal had wanted exactly this—something more with Austin. Now that it was here, he was messing it up big time and he didn’t know how to fix it. Cal had always prided himself on knowing the answer—at work or otherwise—but he didn’t have an answer for this mess of a night they found themselves in.

Everything felt... off. From their attire to the restaurant to the strained note in Austin’s voice and even to the way Austin smelled. He usually smelled like soap. This evening he’d obviously spritzed on cologne or aftershave, because he smelled slightly woodsy. Cal didn’t hate it by any means.

It just wasn’t Austin.

At least, it wasn’t the Austin that Cal knew.

And that was the problem. Cal didn’t know this Austin. Had no idea how to navigate taking the leap from friendship to something more, no matter how badly he wanted to try. And it left him feeling stuck. Trapped. As though he were walking next to a stranger.

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