Page 40 of Road to a Cowboy

Cal wasn’t sure he would either.

Of course, that added yet more guilt on top of guilt on top of guilt...

Christ, he was tired. Weary down to his bones.

“I didn’t mean to worry you,” he told Austin.

“I know. Have you eaten?”

“No. But I don’t want your cooling pizza either. Pizza’s meant to be piping hot with?—”

“Melty cheese,” Austin finished with a laugh, chasing some of the shadows out of his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I can whip up something quick. Scrambled eggs and toast? I’d offer the muffins my mom made for you, but I stress ate them all.”

Cal laughed, imagining Austin sitting at his kitchen table, slathering butter on muffin after muffin. Austin started for the kitchen, and since Cal was still holding on to him, he followed along dutifully.

Austin flicked on the kitchen lights, and Cal blinked against the harsh glare, noticing the scratches on Austin’s forearm for the first time. “What happened here?” He swept his thumb up one of the scratches, about two inches long. Looked like it had broken skin at one point.

“Huh?” Austin’s arm jerked, and his voice went breathy. “Oh, uh...” He cleared his throat and stepped out of Cal’s reach, slapping one hand over the scratch as though trying to erase Cal’s touch. Or, judging by the color in his cheeks, trying to preserve it.

Cal swallowed hard at the thought.

“Sully went a little crazy after our drive,” Austin said. “I tried to get him to settle and got scratched for my troubles.”

“Sully is...?”

“My neighbor’s puppy. You met him recently, remember?”

“Right. Were you pet-sitting?”

“All freaking day,” Austin grumbled. “First and last time. Puppies are terrible. Why would anybody want one?”

Cal sank into a chair at the table, and even though he’d been sitting all day, sitting in his own home helped rid him of the stress of the last few hours. “Like babies, right? Isn’t that what people say?”

“Except worse. Babies can’t run away from you.”

Cal watched Austin pop bread in the toaster and crack enough eggs into a pan for three people. His movements were graceful, liquid, and familiar, though his shoulders were a touch higher than normal and he kept glancing at Cal, perhaps to reassure himself that Cal was still there. Cal rose to lean next to the stove so Austin wouldn’t have to crane his neck so much.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Cal debated not asking, but fuck it—this was Austin. He’d talk about anything, even the hard topics. “Speaking of babies, did you and Lindsay want kids?”

Austin grabbed a spatula from the holder next to the stove. “Yeah. We wanted the whole house, white picket fence, two-point-five kids, and a dog thing.” He gave Cal a cheeky smile. “We didn’t know better about the dog.”

“So... you want kids then?” Cal asked, his heart rate kicking up for no discernible reason.

Austin didn’t lose the smile as he pushed the eggs around in the pan, but its edges softened. “That’s not a yes or no answer. I wanted kids with Lindsay because I liked the future she saw for us. But Lindsay isn’t here. That future she saw, I’m never going to have it, no matter how much I once wanted it. I came to terms with that a long time ago. If I’m lucky enough to—” He broke off, his movements stilling for a moment, before his gaze came up to meet Cal’s. “If I’m lucky enough to be someone’s person again, the whole kids thing would be something we decide together. It needs to be right for us, as a couple.”

Right for us...

As a couple...

Cal’s pulse drummed in his ears. He could see it as surely as Austin no doubt could, the two of them, at some point in the not-so-distant future, having an honest conversation about whether or not they wanted kids.

At this present moment, however, Cal didn’t have a ready answer for him.

Besides, there was another conversation they needed to have first.

“I’m sorry about last night.”

Austin blinked once, clearly startled. “What are you sorry for? I’m the one who should be sorry. The whole thing was—” He cut himself off again, searching for the right word.

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