Page 59 of Game On

“Was the information worth it?”

Popping a cracker into his mouth, Jamie thought about that. “We won the game. So yes.”

Dorian had no idea what he was talking about.

“So, listen...” Jamie’s voice turned serious, making Dorian stiffen slightly. “Now that I’ve buttered you up with crackers, can I talk to you about something?”

“This is what you call buttering me up? Try a cake next time.”

“Any specific flavour?”

“German chocolate’s always good. Especially the seven-layer variety.”

Jamie was grinning when he said, “Noted.”

Silence descended between them aside from the occasional crunch of crackers. Poppy had retreated to her dog bed, set up by the window in the last of the fading sun from the day, her doggie snores akin to a human snort of laughter. Dorian ate his crackers slowly, the tension gradually leaking from his shoulders. Having Jamie pressed against him, even if it was simply his right against Dorian’s left, made him crave more, and he couldn’t bring himself to move away.

Finally, he sighed. “Fine. What did you want to talk about?”

Jamie wiped his palms on his thighs. “The other night.”

Dorian didn’t have to ask what night. He was tempted to, if only to play dumb, but it didn’t feel right doing that to Jamie. “What about it?”

“I wanted to apologize,” Jamie said, and Dorian stiffened again. “It was callous of me to tell you that I’m attracted to you, then tell you that I don’t want to do anything about it, all in the same breath.”

“It wasn’t in the same breath.”

“Dorian.”

“Sorry, sorry.”

Deflection, thy name is Dorian.

“Anyway.” Jamie tapped the cracker bag on his thigh. “I’m sorry. It must’ve seemed like I was saying that you’re not worth taking a chance on. It’s...” He sighed, and his entire body deflated. “Dorian, you have to understand that things with the Cobras were so bad that it affected our game play. Team camaraderie went to shit with guys taking sides when they shouldn’t have had to, and motivating myself to go to work was making me want to quit. And I shouldn’t have to want to quit hockey.”

Dorian wanted to argue that hockey was immensely quittable, but that’d just be more deflection. And it seemed wrong to deflect when Jamie was opening himself up and making himself vulnerable.

When was the last time Dorian had done the same?

“I can’t tell you how many times I’d get home after practice or a game and wonder if any of this was worth it,” Jamie continued. “I’ve genuinely never felt so low in my entire life. So believe me when I say that it’s not that you’re not worth it. It’s that all of it... it sticks with you. It makes it hard for me to trust people. Hard for me to trust my own instincts too. The Orcas are awesome. My coaches are awesome. Do I think that I’d be made into a pariah again if things went sideways between us? No.” Jamie’s smile was anemic. “But it’s hard for me to trust that because I trusted that with the Cobras too.”

“I get it.” Dorian’s throat was thick with sympathy. He still hurt, but it was muted. Because he truly did understand. Fear was a powerful motivator. And sometimes that motivator was to do nothing. He slid his hand into Jamie’s. “Thanks for explaining.”

Jamie nodded. Cleared his throat. “Sure. And, um, on a totally different topic. Is it okay if I stay here until the end of the season? Rent in this city is fucking expensive, and I won’t be able to afford anything until I sell my place in Charlotte.”

Confused, Dorian cocked his head. “Of course. I always expected you to, anyway. Even if you found a rental tomorrow, the chances of you being able to move into it that day—or even that week—are slim.”

“Right. Heh. Okay, cool. Thanks. Should I start paying you rent?”

Dorian squinted at him. “I know I never told you, but you do know how much I sold my app for, right?”

His blue-grey eyes dancing with amusement, Jamie rolled his lips inward. Let them out with a pop. “I may have googled you, yes, and found an article about the sale of your app on some obscure blog specializing in innovations in the tech industry.”

“Uh-huh.” Dorian had suspected as much. “So you know I don’t need your rent money.”

“That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t contribute.”

“You can buy Poppy’s dog food next time we run out.”

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