Page 148 of Pretty Little Thing

“Look, Robbie, I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I’m no stranger to drab and shitty. All right? My life has had its fair share of ups and downs.”

“You misunderstand,” he says, staring at me. “The Gray Zone isn’t for people who have fucked-up shit happen to them. That’s just The Real World. No, The Gray Zone is for people like us who bring it on themselves. You’re here because you fucked up and lost the girl. There is no one to blame but yourself. Now, luckily for you, you’ve got Big Brother Robbie here to tell you exactly what to do to win her back.”

I laugh. “And what’s the catch?”

“The catch?” His face screws up. “The catch is a lifetime of bliss. Take it or leave it, buddy.”

“A lifetime of bliss?” I point at him. “I’m sorry, but aren’t you still hung up on your ex-wife who left your sorry ass?”

“Hey…” He gestures at his face and grins. “Do I look sad to you?”

I don’t answer. It’s rhetorical anyway.

He relaxes his cheeks. “But yeah. To answer the question, plainly. I am. Melanie’s a work-in-progress. Do you have a slow-cooker, Clive?” he asks.

I blink, caught off-guard. “No.”

“She’s like that,” he says. “Mel’s standing in the middle of the pot. Heat’s turned on, slowly rising, just a little at a time so she won’t notice. Every once in a while, I drop in a new ingredient, mix it up, and walk away. Eventually, she’ll be ready. In the meantime, I’ll set the table.”

“Is that what I have to do?” I ask. “Set the table?”

“For Nora?” He laughs. “Oh, hell no. She’s not a slow-cooker. Nora Payne is the head table at a five-star restaurant with no prices on the menu and a celebrity chef. She’s got a reservation for two and you better show up on-time, dressed to the nines, with an empty stomach and a can-do attitude — or not at all.”

“Sounds like more trouble than it’s worth,” I say.

Robbie tilts his head in disbelief. “If that’s how you really feel, then that’s cool. I’ll just take my wisdom elsewhere…”

He moves to stand up.

“Wait.” I sigh at his smug expression. “Sit down.”

His lips curl to one side and he lowers into the chair again. “Melanie needs to be coddled. And swooned. And surprised. But Nora…” He shakes his head. “Nora needs a challenge. She’s easily bored and more than a little paranoid. If things go too well for too long, she gets suspicious and starts to doubt. So, what you have to do is eliminate her need to doubt.”

“How do I do that?” I ask.

Robbie squints. “You show up to the damn restaurant, Clive.”

I exhale in frustration. “Can we drop the cute food metaphors, please?”

“Okay, then.” He leans forward. “Nora Payne needs someone she can depend on. Not for money, mind you. She already has more than enough means to survive but there’s a big difference between being alive and having a life.”

“I get that, but…” I pause. “She trusted me. I betrayed her.”

He smiles. “Sounds exactly like the kind of challenge she needs. If you do nothing, you’ll only prove every horrible thing she’s thought about you and you’ll become nothing but a footnote in her black book she’ll joke about with her friends at brunch. But if you do something and prove her just a little bit wrong, well…” He raises his brow. “You just have to be the guy who actually showed up.”

“If I just showed up, she wouldn’t talk to me anyway,” I argue.

“Only one way to know for sure.” He pulls his sunglasses from his jacket with his good hand. “What the hell else are you gonna do today? Other than sitting around and moping beneath a gray cloud of drabby shit?”

I stare straight ahead as he stands up, feeling the slow mix of adrenaline brewing in my gut. “Yeah, I’ll think about it,” I say.

“No.” Robbie shakes his head. “You have not been paying attention at all. Don’t think. Just go do.”

“I don’t even know where Nora is right now,” I say.

“It’s Sunday. There’s only one place she’d be.” He slides the sunglasses on and grabs his coffee. “Go do.”

This fucking guy. Slow-cookers and can-do attitudes? Clearly, he has no idea what he’s talking about. None of this will work on Nora Payne.

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