Page 61 of Bound By Hate (Born in Blood)

I need to feel better. I need to be better. I need to make my father proud of me.

I rush to the bathroom, ignoring the pain in my body, get down on my hands and knees, and force my fingers down my throat.

I throw up and feel the instant relief like always.

It’s only when I stop I realize Aleksander is watching me from the bathroom doorway.

“You made yourself throw up,” he states.

I wipe my mouth and stand up, wincing through the pain. I use the hotel’s toothbrush and quickly brush away the acidic taste of the vomit. “I didn’t make myself throw up,” I say after spitting out the toothpaste. “It was just from … nerves.”

“I thought you didn’t get nervous.”

“Well, I guess I do.” I can’t look in his direction. I can’t have him see my shame.

“You made yourself throw up, Viktoriya,” he repeats. “I saw it. You shoved your fingers down your throat and made yourself throw up. And tonight, you barely ate anything. Just a few bites. Do you have an eating disorder?”

“No,” I snap. “No, I don’t. I’m fine. I’m perfect, is what I am.”

“Mmm. I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to listen.” He places his fingers under my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. “I am going to order room service, and you’re going to eat every last bite, and when you’re done, you will not throw it up. Is that understood?”

I want to object. I want to snap at him that he doesn’t get the right to tell me what to do.

But …

His words make me feel better. He’s giving me permission to eat. Celine, my dance instructor, didn’t want me to eat. My own father judged me for eating.

Not Aleksander. He wants me to eat. He’s seen the thing I’ve kept hidden, and he’s not blaming me for it.

I have pride. A lot of it. But I also carry a weight that’s slowly killing me.

So, instead of arguing with him, I answer honestly.

“I understand.”

Chapter

Ten

VIKTORIYA

The platter of food is enormous. A steak, potatoes, broccoli, and dessert. More food than I’ve eaten in … I can’t remember the last time I’ve eaten this much food.

At first, I hesitated when Aleksander set the food on the table, but once I started eating, it was too good to stop.

Now, he watches me.

“Are you not going to have something?” I ask.

“I ate at our wedding.”

Right. Our wedding. I got so caught up in the food I almost forgot Aleksander and I are married now.

“How is it?” he asks, nodding at my steak.

“It’s one of the best steaks I’ve had,” I admit, taking another bite. It feels so good to be full.

“Good. I want you to eat all of it, and you’re not going to throw it up once you’re done. You’re so skinny. You need to gain weight.”

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