Page 114 of Bound By Hate (Born in Blood)

“Why wouldn’t we come?” Mila asks. “I’ve missed you, Vik. We haven’t spoken in a while.”

Sofiya looks at me with that inquisitive gaze I hate so much. She can see into me. I think she’s always been able to. “What’s going on?”

I take in a deep breath. “I have an eating disorder.”

Mila gasps while Sofiya goes still. “Vik.” Mila grabs my hand. “Are you ok? How can we help?”

“You can’t help,” I say more harshly than I mean, and Mila draws away from me. Sighing, I grab her hand back. “I have to learn how to stop. Aleksander has been helping me with it.”

“When did it start?” Sofiya asks.

“Before I came to Russia. I was desperate to get skinny enough to dance, but I was only hurting myself. And in the end, it didn’t even matter because I don’t think I’ll ever professionally dance again.”

Mila’s face is an open book of empathy. “Why not?”

“Because I’ll never be good enough like I was before my ankle broke. I thought I could get there, but I’m learning … I can never do it again.” Saying the words out loud hurt, but they also offer me a catharsis. I don’t feel as burdened by it. “I mean, I can dance for fun, but I’ll never be a professional ballerina again.”

Sofiya’s eyes water as she takes my other hand in hers. “Oh, Vik. I’m so sorry. If it weren’t for me, you never would’ve broken your ankle.”

“I know it was never your fault.” Her eyes widen in surprise. “It was just bad luck.”

“What was your eating disorder?” Mila asks tentatively.

“I would throw up. It felt good. A release. But Aleksander provides a different way. A different kind of release that helps my mind. I’m not as upset as I thought I would be to give up dance. I think I’m ready to let go. It’s been hurting me for too long.”

Sofiya squeezes my hand. “We’re here for you. Know that.”

“I do. Even when you annoy me,” I mutter.

They both laugh. Sofiya’s is soft and airy, while Mila’s is a little deeper, which is surprising for her petite frame.

“I’m just ready to be happy,” I continue. That was what I realized after my time with Aleksander at the club. I’m tired of fighting so hard for something that will only cause me pain.

“I just want you to be happy, too,” Sofiya says.

“How have things been going for you?” I nod toward her stomach. “Any luck?”

She places her hands over her stomach. “I’m not sure yet. It’s too early to tell, but I’m hoping I’ll get pregnant.”

“I hope so, too.” And I mean every word. I turn to Mila. “I should apologize.”

She frowns. “What for?”

“For making you dance when you didn’t want to.”

Mila’s shoulders slump and then she smiles. “Thank you. It was always your dream. Never mine.”

“Well, now, it’s none of our dreams because I can’t dance anymore.”

“We can still dance,” Sofiya says. “Together. Maybe we could put on a show for our husbands. Something simple. Casual.”

“I don’t have a husband,” Mila says, making us laugh.

Sofiya’s eyes soften. “You know what I mean.”

“I do,” I say.

We share a smile around the table. For everything my sisters and I have been through, I’m amazed we’ve managed to remain so strong together. We may have our issues, but we always come back together in the end.

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