Page 33 of Falling for my First Crush

The gate opens. I’m still not sure who operates the gate, but there is never anyone on the other end when I get here. Maybe it’s all automatic, and I don’t actually need to announce myself. I don’t know why I’ve never asked. Seems like such a silly thing, but I truly am curious. I jog up to the house, not caring that I’m profusely dripping sweat everywhere now.

When I get up to the front door, I head straight inside. The air conditioning immediately dries my sweat, making me shiver. Violet comes out of the library where I know the rest of the Lits are waiting for me. I feel a little guilty that I’ve made them wait.

“Are you okay?” Violet asks. “You’re shivering.”

“I’m just cold,” I say.

“Let me get you a hoodie,” Violet says, and she disappears down a hallway to the left. When she reappears, she hands me a towel and an oversized gray hoodie, which I accept gratefully.

“Thanks,” I say, quickly drying myself off before throwing on the hoodie. I feel better already. Now I just need water and snacks. I follow Violet into the library. Ever since Violet married her uber rich husband, Robert, we’ve taken to having our meetings in his private library. I can’t say that it’s an inconvenience.

“Jackie, you’re here!” Kaylee says.

“I forgot what time we were meeting, sorry guys,” I say by way of greeting.

“It’s not a problem,” Marissa says. “It gave us more time to eat these fantastic snacks.”

“I hope you left some for me,” I say, only half-joking.

I sit down and pull a blanket from the back of the sofa to spread across my legs. Even though the hoodie helps, I'm still cold. I can’t help but want to curl up under this blanket. If I had my very own library like this one, I would never want to leave.

“Now that we’re all here, we can get started,” Addie says. She typically leads Book Club discussions, unless someone else volunteers. Most of the time, though, we just let her go for it. She seems to like coming up with discussion points. It’s in her blood. She is a journalist after all. “I think it would be a good place to start going back over each character and their growth and development throughout the book.”

“Let’s start with Jo, then,” Ella says.

“Yes, let’s!” Kaylee agrees. She is usually a perky person, but today her energy seems to be bursting out of her. I make a mental note to ask her what she’s so happy about later. As soon as the thought enters my head, I realize how negative, almost ominous it is. I almost laugh out loud at myself.

“What about Jo exactly should we talk about?” Violet asks. “Like our impressions of her, or her overall growth? Something like that?”

“Let’s talk about her growth,” Addie says. “Let’s talk about all of the characters' growth.”

“Well, I think that Jo becomes more confident in herself as the book goes on,” Marissa says. “She rejects the status quo and really defines what it is she wants in life.”

“And that sets her apart from her sisters,” I say.

“How so?” Addie prompts.

“That’s easy,” I say. “Her sisters all want a typical life. They are going to get married and have families. Jo wants a career. She wants to go out and live life.”

“Just because the others want more traditional lives doesn’t mean they aren’t living life,” Kaylee says. She’s frowning slightly. Her mood is all over the place today.

“No, I didn’t mean it that way,” I say. “But it does set her apart.”

“So, Jo is different from her sisters,” Addie summarizes. “Does that impact their relationship?”

We all lapse into silence as we ponder the question. “Yes, it does,” Marissa says. “But not necessarily in a negative way. Think about it. We all grow and change, and that does have an impact on all the relationships in our lives. That doesn’t mean that the impact has to be perceived in a negative way.”

“That’s true,” I say. “My relationships with my sisters have definitely changed over time, but for the most part, it’s been good.”

“I feel like change in any form is scary,” Ella says. “Most of my life, I’ve been scared of what’s going to come next. I really felt like that was how Jo felt as I was reading.”

“That makes sense,” says Violet. “Whenever you step outside of your comfort zone, it feels scary. I think that’s something that all the sisters feel throughout the book. Especially with their father away fighting in a war, and then their sister dying.”

I almost groan out loud. That’s the one storyline that I didn’t want to discuss today. Beth dying is the single worst thing in the whole book. She’s the sweetest character, who embodies all that is good with the world, and then she’s taken. I think it bothers me so much, because it mirrors my fear of what might happen with Sabina. Her mental health seems to sink further by the day, and yet she continues to fight.

“Loss is scary,” Addie says. “None of us want to deal with that. And yet it is definitely part of our lives.”

We all slip into another contemplative silence. There are few people in my life that I can just be quiet with. My friends are most of those people. Finally, I am the one to break the silence.

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