Page 21 of Falling for my First Crush

“Like what?” Jackie asks, her voice breaking as she asks her question.

“I don’t know,” I say. The suggestion just came out of my mouth without going through my brain as a filter. But now that I’ve said it, I don’t want to take my words back. I want to make this happen. Not just to make Jackie feel better, but also for Sabina. And all the other vets who are out there struggling. And all the people who have lost their lives as a result of war and conflict.

“Maybe there’s something that we could come up with to get Sabina involved in,” I say, speaking slowly as the thoughts come into my head.

“That’s a good idea,” Jackie says. “If she had something to focus on, maybe that would give her a sense of purpose.”

“A sense of purpose could help her mental health,” I agree. “I know that helped me when I was really struggling.”

Jackie’s eyes flick up to meet mine. I haven’t shared with her what I went through, but I find myself considering telling her about some of it. I know that she’ll listen. Out of all of the Moretti girls, I know that Jackie will listen to me well. She wasn’t always a good listener, but that was when she was younger. Now, though, she’s changed. Every time we have argued since I’ve been back, I know that she has listened closely to what I’ve said, even if she hasn’t agreed with me.

“What do you think it could be?” Jackie asks.

I move to lean against the wall beside her. “I don’t know,” I say honestly. “I feel like it needs to be something that would give Sabina an outlet for her grief.”

“I agree with that,” Jackie says, “but I think it also needs to be something she can work on actively. Something that can help her take her mind off all the bad stuff.”

We lapse into silence, both mulling things over. I realize, with a start, that this is one of the first times since I’ve been back that Jackie and I aren’t fighting. It almost feels like old times, but with higher stakes. I glance over at her, and notice how pretty she is. Her brown hair is cut into a bob, and still has that old nervous habit of tucking her hair behind her ears every now and then. Quite honestly, it’s adorable. Her eyes are big and wide, as she tries to keep a fresh batch of tears from falling.

Have I ever looked at Jackie this way before? I don’t think so. It must be because she looks so much like Maia now. My dumb brain is just conflating the two, and since Jackie is here with me now, it just feels like the easier option. I think. That sounds cold and heartless, and as soon as the thought enters my head, I feel guilty. Jackie is her own person. She doesn’t need me comparing her to her sister. No matter how similar they look. I think that Jackie is beautiful all on her own.

I’ve been so busy struggling with my thoughts about Jackie and comparing her to Maia, that I realize I haven’t been actively thinking about the problem at hand. But it turns out that I don’t need to worry about this, because as soon as I bring my thoughts back around to some project that would help Sabina and other vets, an idea swoops into my head.

“What if we organize a tribute to fallen soldiers? Both fallen in battle and life?” I say.

Jackie lights up for the first time since I saw her this morning. “Yes, Joe! Yes! That’s brilliant!” she declares with the utmost excitement. “I don’t know how we’ll make it happen, but Joe, it's perfect! I could kiss you right now!”

She throws her arms around me in a hug, and I find myself wishing that she actually would kiss me instead.

Thirteen

JACKIE

Idon’t know how Joe came up with the idea to have a tribute to fallen soldiers. It seemed like it just came over him. Even though neither of us was sure in that moment what form the tribute would take, we both threw ourselves into brainstorming. When I brought the idea up to Sabina, she gave me a blank look that terrified me. That is why I’m working so hard on the planning. I need her to be invested in this, so that she can find the will to keep living, keep healing, keep moving forward.

Maia and Gianna seem mildly amused by my attitude, which irritates me, if I’m being honest. Why can’t they jump in, too? More hands make the work lighter. Joe and I met with the program coordinator at the hospital, along with the whole hospital board and presented the idea.

The idea spiraled from a physical tribute, like a photo wall, to that plus a benefit to raise money for some new therapy programs falling under the Wounded Vet program at the hospital. One of the veterans on the hospital board is married to a therapist who also came in and gave a presentation that was so impressive, now our hospital board wants to incorporate her ideas here.

The therapist, Kristin, previously helped to create a program for veterans at her former work place. It was a program that worked to approach healing holistically, using various methods and therapies, like float therapy, massage therapy, red light therapy, guided journaling and meditation, as well as intentionally pairing up specialized therapists with each vet in the program.

Kristin’s presentation was especially impressive when she read testimonials from numerous patients that participated in the program. The success and effectiveness of this holistic program was phenomenal.

It was a unanimous vote of ‘Yes’ amongst the entire board, and then when Joe and I gave our short presentation about the idea of putting on a tribute of sorts for Fallen Soldiers, the excitement in the board room was electric. Someone suggested that maybe we should consider using the Tribute to raise money for the holistic program.

Once again, we were all thrilled and we agreed immediately they were meant to go together. The Fallen Soldier Tribute would be a fundraiser for what we’re now going to call the Holistic Hero Vet program.

As of now, we have some bands and a magician lined up. There will also be speeches about those we have lost. Our hope is that some of the vets in the hospital program will want to speak about friends they have lost. I hope that Sabina will want to speak.

I glance at my phone again, trying not to be too impatient. Joe is supposed to be here. We are finalizing a lot of the details for the dinner today. Violet and Robert have agreed to host the tribute, which is overwhelmingly generous of them, but Joe and I still have a lot of work to do. I invited Sabina to come help us, but she decided she would rather watch a movie. I can hear it droning on in the family room.

Joe probably agreed to meet here, because he thought that he might see Maia, but she’s at work right now. I feel a ridiculous amount of glee at this fact, which I know is mean. I don’t care, though. He shouldn’t keep trying to be with my sister when she has a boyfriend. Though, to be honest, I still don’t know what she sees in Julius. Joe is a much much better catch, in my opinion. Even if he was incredibly immature at our family dinner last month.

There’s a knock at the front door, and I hurry to open it. I don’t care if I look overly eager; we have a lot of work to get done. Joe grins at me and comes in without being invited. That takes some nerve, but he has always been welcome at our house. Even after he threw the meatball at Julius at dinner. He did apologize to everyone for that little faux pas. And he has been summarily forgiven by everyone.

“You’re almost late,” I say. “We have so much to get done.”

“Is Sabina joining us today?” Joe asks.

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