Page 18 of Falling for my First Crush

The meatball lands with a dull thud against Julius’s chest, sauce splattering around it like a bullseye. He looks down, and swats it away, leaving a long trail of sauce dripping down his shirt. I swallow hard. All eyes around the table start to turn toward me. My face heats up. There is no escaping this embarrassment. I push my chair back and stand. If I’m going to be the center of attention, then I might as well embrace it.

“Julius, man, I’m sorry,” I say, shaking my head in shame.

Julius looks at me with his eyes narrowed, but after a moment, he smirks. Maia has already started to help him clean up his shirt. Julius unbuttons his dress shirt and calmly removes it, staring me down the entire time. He smirks as he readjusts in his chair, now revealing a white undershirt that clearly shows his strong physique and athletic build, undoubtedly from the daily workouts we firemen religiously follow. I can’t help but notice that Maia - really, everyone in the room- is staring at this display of calm machismo.

He has won. I’ve made a calculated error, and I’m not sure how to work my way out of this one.

“What were you thinking, Joe?” Maia asks, her voice sharp. She doesn’t look up at me, as she continues to help Julius clean up the sauce that splattered on the tablecloth in front of him. I stare at her for a long moment, unsure what to say. I think this might be what it feels like to have an out-of-body experience.

“Jackie,” I say, turning toward her. I can feel the eyes of everyone in the dining room on me.

“Just leave, Joe,” Jackie says, her voice soft, her expression full of disappointment. “I think you’ve caused enough trouble for tonight.”

Mr. and Mrs. Moretti look stunned, and they are both silent. I’m sure they don’t even know what to say or do. I honestly can’t even look at them or bring myself to say anything.

Something like grief - though mostly mortal embarrassment- washes over me. I want to apologize. I want to make amends, but from the look on Jackie’s face, I can tell that she doesn’t want to hear it. All I can do is nod and turn to go. I hurry down the hall and out the door, like a naughty pup with a tucked tail, that’s been scolded for destroying a room in one fell swoop.

As I walk to my car, ashamed of the way I have behaved tonight, I keep hoping that Jackie will follow me and call me back, and maybe we can all just start the evening over.

She doesn’t.

And by the time I get to my car, I’m not sure if I can fix what I just did. But I know that I have to try.

Eleven

JACKIE

Ihonestly don’t know what just happened. Dinner was a disaster. Joe confirmed all my worst fears about still having feelings for Maia. I didn’t know that Maia had invited Julius over, but I probably still would have invited Joe. I think he needs to see that Maia isn’t interested in him that way. For his own sake, of course.

After Joe left, we ate in near silence. Julius kept fuming about how awful Joe is, and even though Joe acted super immature, none of us agreed with Julius. I think it annoyed him. I don’t get the best vibe off of Julius, but whoever Maia wants to date is her own business.

While Mom is cleaning up dinner, I slip outside to the back porch. I feel like I need to get some fresh air, just to catch my breath. I’m startled to find Sabina already sitting out here in the dark all alone. I pause awkwardly by the back door, unsure if she wants company, or if she just wants to be alone.

“You can join me,” Sabina says from the darkness.

“Okay,” I say. “I wasn’t sure.”

“I’m not made of glass, you know,” Sabina says. She doesn’t sound upset, though. If anything, she almost sounds amused.

“I know that,” I say quickly. I’m sure I sound defensive, though I’m not sure how else to respond. I don’t want to upset her; she’s got enough to deal with these days. On the other hand, I don’t want her to think that I am treating her any differently because I pity her. I don’t. But I can see why my constant hovering might make her think that I do. Yikes. I don’t know how to fix this, so I sit down next to her.

“What are you doing out here?” I ask. It’s a dumb question, but it’s the only one my mind can catch hold of.

“I just needed a break from everybody,” Sabina says. She sighs and leans back against the chair, closing her eyes. I know she told me to sit with her, but now I’m confused. Do I stay? Or should I say that I understand and head back inside?

“Yeah, that’s kind of why I came out here,” I say. “Dinner was kind of… a lot.”

“What was up with Joe tonight?” Sabina asks.

“I wish I knew,” I say. “He clearly still has a thing for Maia.”

“You think so?” Sabina asks. “After all these years?”

“Why else would he fling a meatball at Maia’s new boyfriend?” I counter. Of course, I want her to be right, but at the moment I know that all my suspicions have been confirmed.

“They work together,” Sabina says with a shrug. “Maybe it’s something from work.”

“Oh, yeah, maybe,” I say. I didn’t know that they worked together. How did I miss that fairly major detail?

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