Page 11 of Falling for my First Crush

“Hmmm,” John says in a way that makes it sound like he’s somehow disappointed in her answer. That pisses me off. I don’t know John well at all. He’s one of the part-time guys at the fire station.

“I think that’s what I’ll get, too,” I say, stepping up closer to them.

Jackie gives me a grateful smile, conveying to me that she thought the same thing I did about his tone. John shrugs. “Okay, you’ve convinced me,” he says. “That’s what I’ll get, too.”

The smile that Jackie gives John actually makes me jealous, which makes no sense at all. Jackie can smile at anyone she wants to, and if John is nice to her, who am I to stop them? It honestly feels like I’m in big brother mode. Jackie always hated it when I acted that way when we were younger. She would tell me that she was mad at me because she “didn’t need a dumb ol’ big brother”. She already had three older sisters, and that was enough, thank you very much.

We get our meals and find an empty table in the back corner of the cafeteria where it’s quieter. I feel like we can catch our breath back here. We all dive into our food, and silence reigns at our table for a few minutes as we eat. No doubt about it, trauma makes me hungry. Grilled cheese and tomato soup was definitely the right choice. Who doesn’t love a good comfort food meal? I can’t think of the last time I ate grilled cheese and tomato soup, but the meal evokes numerous childhood moments of hanging out with the Moretti sisters. Their mom made this meal for me more times than I can count. Now I get why Jackie chose this particular meal.

“This is surprisingly good,” John says, with a puzzled look on his face.

Jackie grins at him. “I told you so.”

The way she says it evokes even more memories with the sisters. How many times did Jackie say that to me when I did something stupid? Probably at least one million over the span of my life, because I did a lot of stupid things growing up. Jumping off my garage roof into the pool a few too many times comes to mind. I broke arms, legs, even my collarbone once. The worst was when I broke my jaw and had to have my mouth wired shut for two full months. I could only drink things through a straw. Jackie had the good grace not to tell me she told me so after the jaw breaking. But most of the other times she said that or something similar.

“Indeed you did,” John says smiling back at her.

I suddenly feel like a third wheel. I don’t know why I care, but it might have something to do with the fact that it feels like my old life in Cranberry Creek and my new life in Cranberry Creek are colliding. Which is stupid, because it’s also Jackie’s life in Cranberry Creek and John’s life and so forth. It’s stupid. I need to get over myself.

“Remember when your mom used to make this lunch for us every day during the summers?” I ask.

Jackie raises her eyebrows and gives me another smirk. “Remember the summer you broke your jaw jumping into the pool from the garage? Remember how we tried to blend the grilled cheese with the tomato soup so you could drink it through a straw?”

I can feel John looking at me with mild surprise. I guess he hadn’t caught on that Jackie and I knew each other in another lifetime. “It wasn’t half bad,” I say.

Jackie makes a gagging noise. “How can you even say that?”

“Grilled cheese and tomato soup go well together. It wasn’t bad blended. Better than the spaghetti and meatballs,” I say with a laugh.

Jackie’s face actually turns a pale shade of green. John glances between the two of us. It’s clear to me that despite all the time and space that have elapsed over the past ten years, Jackie and I still have the same kind of connection that we had when we were growing up. And since we do, I have to imagine that Maia and I would have the same kind of connection that we had back then, too.

Spending time with Jackie will inevitably lead me to spending time with Maia as well. I mean, I hope that I’ll be able to spend time with the rest of the Moretti family. It’s not unscrupulous of me to want to spend time with Maia, and that I hope to get there by spending time with Jackie… right?

We finish our meal and head back to the ambulance. Jackie says she’s going to head up to the NICU to check on our patient before we leave. I say, “I’ll go with you.”

“I’ll pull the ambulance around front,” John says, sounding a little deflated.

I wait in the hallway while Jackie heads into the unit to talk to the charge nurse on duty about the little boy we brought in. I admire the way she is concerned about the baby. She clearly takes her job seriously. I decide that I’ll suggest we take a run together some time. That should be an easy way to break the ice. And once the ice is broken, I’ll ask about hanging out with all of her sisters together. It seems like a fool proof plan. What could possibly go wrong?

Seven

JACKIE

When Joe suggested we go for a run sometime, my heart leapt in anticipation, but I didn’t think that he was serious. So when he texted me this morning, I nearly fell out of bed in shock. I texted back a few minutes later, so I didn’t seem too eager. I’m still confused about the feelings that rise up in me when thinking about him. I don’t like him in that way… not anymore. Sure, I used to crush hard on him, but I was just a kid back then. And even though I swore he was ‘the only one for me,’ that was always just a childish crush… right? I was over that silly infatuation long ago. Unquestionably.

Not only does this feel very middle school-ish to me, but I know Joe has always been more like a brother to me anyway. Now that he’s back in town, I’m thrilled. But it’s not because I still have feelings for him… that would be ridiculous. Joe Lawrence was- and always will be- just my ‘big brother’ friend. Well, actually, we need to re-establish that friendship. It’s been awhile, and I’m realizing that neither of us really know each other all that much anymore. So far, I like this Joe that I’ve encountered, but I’m not going to let myself crush on him again. Anyway, he only ever had eyes for Maia. My poor juvenile heartstrings were tugged and twisted and torn too many times to count! Joe was utterly oblivious to all the inner workings of my teenage heart… and thankfully so. I would have simply embarrassed myself if he’d ever found out.

Now, though, we’re both adults, and we’re on equal footing. In fact, we’ve already shared professional trauma as coworkers on a job — and we made a great team. The flurry of butterflies that crept up in my gut were surely just remnants of my old crush on him. Nothing more.

No, I need to get out of my head. I’m so discombobulated, that I have to stop mid-stride and shake off these thoughts. I can’t have things like this in my head while I’m on my way to meet Joe. I need to be clear about why I agreed to go running with him in the first place. I pause again and stop in the middle of the sidewalk. Why exactly am I going to go for a run with Joe?

The main reason I can think of is that he invited me, but obviously that isn’t why I accepted his invitation. I accepted his invitation, because I want to show him that I’m an adult now; that I am someone he can view as an equal, like he always did with Maia. I can feel irritation prickle through me, like a heat rash. I realize this is how I feel whenever I think of Joe and Maia.

Growing up, it was Maia who became friends with Joe first. His grandparents moved in next door to us, and he came to live with them for a while as his parents were getting ready for their big move to Cranberry Creek. Joe’s dad was set to be the new president at the university, and Joe’s grandparents had decided to move with the family as well.

Maia had practically marched over to their house with the intention to interview them. She’s always wanted to be a journalist of some kind. At that point she had decided that she was an investigative journalist, and clearly our new neighbors might be hiding something. That’s when she met Joe. I don’t really remember a time when he wasn’t in our lives. If I think about my childhood hard enough, then I can, but I don’t think I’ve ever really wanted to.

All of us sisters had huge crushes on him when we first met Joe. It seems hilarious now, but back then it felt so real. I secretly thought that I would be the one to marry him. Unfortunately he only ever had eyes for Maia. I had figured all that had changed when he went away and left for all those years, having no contact with us at all. Yet, given how eager he obviously was at the mention of Maia, well… I’m guessing he — and his heart — haven’t forgotten her

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