Page 17 of The Shadow

“Why?” Her eyes are locked on mine, her chest beginning to rise and fall at a more rapid rate. “You don’t even know me.”

“I want to.”

“Dinners getting cold.”

“I’m not hungry anymore.” I can’t move away from her and yet I know I can’t close the distance between us either. “At least not for food.”

She lets out a tiny gasp and I’m out of my seat and pulling her stool back just far enough so I can grab her around the waist. I push our plates to the side before lifting her and placing her on the counter. Her hands are on my shoulders, her thighs spread on either side of my body as I lean in. My head falls slightly forward, my hands still on her waist.

“I-I’m sorry.” I step back, shaking my head and putting some distance between us. “I shouldn’t have done that.” I don’t look at her again or wait for a response. I grab my phone and keys and walk toward her front door. “Lock this behind me.”

I slam my own door, tossing my shit on the table by the door and heading straight to the shower. I strip off my shirt, turning the water on to warm up. I stare at myself in the mirror, looking at the way tattoos wind their way around my arm and neck. I trace one, the way Aspen did that night. I pause, feeling the spot where a bullet went through my arm. Just to the right of it is a knife wound that almost caused permanent nerve damage. And that’s just the beginning. Beneath these tattoos lie a trail of scars and wounds that tell a story I’ll never be able to share with anyone.

My eyes squeeze shut so tight as I remember the horrors of that night. For all of the shit I went through in my time in the military, nothing compared to the look on my mother’s face as her life slipped through my fingers.

“I-I-I love you.”

Her blood-soaked fingers reach out toward my face but she can’t reach me. Her eyes blink one more time as her hand slowly falls back down and her head lulls to the side. A sound rings through my ears, one I don’t recognize. It’s only when the searing pain of the bullet that rips through my arm rages through me that I realize the sound is coming from me. It doesn’t sound human. It sounds haunted and painful.

My eyes fly open and I suck in a deep breath, staring at myself in the bathroom mirror.

“She isn’t your redemption.” I say the words over and over to myself as I step into the shower and pray the water washes away this agony.

I’ll never forgive myself for not being there for my mother. For not protecting her from the man I thought loved her and me most… my father. But no matter what, I can’t change it. And no matter how much I want it to be true, saving Aspen Wilder won’t undo the past.

“If I had to make a bet”—Alex rests his hands on the top of his head, leaning back in his chair—“I’d say that Jules goes early. No way she’s going to make it eight more weeks.”

“I’ll take that bet.” Luka pulls out his wallet. “Five to one odds. Twenty bucks says she goes at least two days past her due date.”

“Twenty bucks? What are we, in junior high? Make it one hundred bucks.”

“Done.” Luka pulls out a stack of cash and tosses it onto Alex’s desk. “And just so you know, around fifty percent of all first-time births go past full-term. Harper went four days over.”

Alex’s face falls. “Well, how the hell am I supposed to know that? The doctor’s been saying her due date. He said she could go early but nothing about going over.”

Luka laughs. “Live and learn, buddy. Also, another thing they might not have told you. Because of hormones and stuff that is in fecal matter, you’ll have to be the only one changing the baby for the first six months.” Alex’s face goes from confusion to shock in an instant, making all three of us bust out laughing.

“Come on, man.” I laugh. “You can’t possibly believe that. Even I know that’s bullshit.”

“I’ve read all the books!” Alex says defensively. “I swear I’m not an idiot!”

“Relax, buddy,” Luka reassures him. “You’ll be fine, trust me. If I can figure it out, so can you. Reading the books is great but it’s still not going to give you the answers for everything.”

“Yeah, especially considering Luka thought knocking up my sister behind my back was a great way to start fatherhood.” Jimmy joins the conversation, flashing Luka a look that I’m sure reminds him when Jimmy lunged across the room, ready to rip his head off when he found out.

“Hey, I think it turned out okay. Besides, don’t act like having me as a brother-in-law hasn’t been the addition to your life you didn’t realize you needed.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, listen up, guys.” Jimmy sits on the edge of his desk. “Luka and Alex, we’re going to need your help on this Outside Media contract for Connor Blake. I know you both went over the dossier earlier, but I wanted to fill you in on some things. After our conversation yesterday with Mr. Blake, Harvey put a plan in place.” Jimmy nods toward me and I hand all three of the guys the tactical guide for this case.

“Mr. Blake doesn’t like the idea of a shadow. He doesn’t want someone tailing him twenty-four seven, so that’s not what we’re going to do here.”

“So he’s scared enough about threats on his life but he doesn’t want us around?” Luka flips through the guide. “That seems a little idiotic, don’t we think?”

“Not for this case.” I glance over at Jimmy. After our meeting yesterday, we discussed our thoughts on it once we got back to the office. We agreed that something feels off with this case. Almost like he wants to hire protection but only for show. I reach for my tablet and hit a button so the slides reflect on the overhead projector. “The threats he has received are pretty minimal as you can see.”

The images of the threatening note, complete with magazine clipped letters takes up the screen.

IF I WERE YOU, I’D BE VERY CAREFUL WHO YOU TRUST WHEN YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES AT NIGHT.

---