Page 130 of Ruining Vanessa

“She’s not staying here,” Giulio says, lifting up the hammer. “You want me to sell you, Traci? You’d get away from me, at least.”

“P-p-please,” Traci sobs. “P-please sell me.”

I realize I’ve already made up my mind as Giulio presses the hammer into my hand and closes my fingers around it. I can’t look at Paul. I can only think about the fact that I can save one of them, even though Traci might end up with a fate worse than Ntimacy. If Damien has anything to say about it, her future will be hell… but she’d be alive.

“Traci,” I say. “This could be so bad for you.” I can’t even see her through the tears blurring my vision. “Worse.”

“Just do it,” Traci sobs. “Please, just do it.”

I can’t handle this any longer. I can’t. I just… can’t.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, going to kneel beside her.

Behind me, Paul screams my name, and Damien hisses it as they both condemn my choice to save Traci. I can’t listen to them. I can’t.

Slayer’s fingers tighten around Traci’s wrist, holding her in place. “Do it,” he encourages me. “Paul’s a piece of trash anyway, and Traci will get what’s coming to her.”

That’s what I’m afraid of. Maybe I’d want to die, if I was in her place.

But she hasn’t given up. No matter what’s happened, she’s able to look me squarely in the eye despite her pain, her tears, and she nods to me.

I whimper, trying not to think about what I’m about to do.

And I bring the hammer down as hard as I can onto her splayed fingers.

30

VANESSA

I’m numb all over. I can barely get myself through the door to Giulio’s condo.

There’s a bloodstain underneath my fingernail. Damien had scrubbed my hands clean, but he’d missed that one spot under my nail.

Out, damned spot.

I want to laugh. I want to cry.

Giulio’s laughing. I look up, and Giulio is putting the takeout bags of Chinese food on the kitchen island and saying something to Slayer.

If I hadn’t seen him earlier today, I would have said Giulio was in a good mood. That he was being his nice self.

But I had seen him.

Damien closes the door behind us, wraps an arm around my shoulder, and sets his other hand on my belly. “Come on. Let’s have dinner. You’re eating for two.”

I blink at him, having a hard time being cognizant of my surroundings. “I’m not hungry,” I manage to get out, my voice still rough from all of the sobbing from only a few hours earlier.

The image of Traci’s hand… I shudder, wanting to run to the bathroom and let what little I do have in my stomach come back up. As hard as I try to convince myself that it was necessary to save her life, I still hate myself for what I’ve done.

“I just want to go to sleep,” I add quietly.

Not that I think I will be able to sleep, not without nightmares of blood and screaming. The only mercy was that Giulio had waited until I was out of the room to… deal with Paul, as he’d put it.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Damien answers in a whisper. “You really need to play along now.”

I look at Damien, unsure of what he means. “Play along…? I thought…” I thought it was all over. I thought the danger had passed.

“What’s the holdup?” Giulio asks loudly. “If you don’t hurry, Slayer and I will eat it all.”

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