Page 115 of Ruining Vanessa

Vanessa scoots up on the examination table and sits up, and despite the heat in her cheeks, she says, “She’s my friend. Of course it’s my business.”

“Stef is done with that part of her life.” Savage turns to glare at me. “You and Giulio are very permissive.”

I hand Vanessa her underwear and tights. “We’re trying to keep stress down. For the sake of the baby.” But I lean down to whisper to Vanessa, “Let it go.”

Vanessa casts a defiant look at me, and before I can stop her, she retorts, “Stef is still a person, not your toy. All I asked was how she was doing.”

There’s a moment where Savage sneers at Vanessa, but he clears that expression to something a little more palatable. “In which case: she’s fine. I won’t tell her you asked—for her own sake.”

It’s obvious Vanessa wants to say something else, but I put my hand on her arm and squeeze lightly, shaking my head.

She glowers at me, but she starts to get dressed again, pulling her underwear back on.

“They’ll get your pictures to you at the front, and they’ll email you the video,” Savage says, his voice still a bit cool.

“Thank you,” I say, wrapping an arm around Vanessa. “I really appreciate it.”

Savage snorts. “Yeah. It was supposed to be my day off. A radiologist could have done this for you.”

“But it would have been less interesting,” I respond, and I can already hear Giulio chuckling about that. Maybe I should bring him along for the next appointment. He’d invite Slayer too, though, and with the three of us, it would be too suspicious to take Vanessa to a regular doctor’s office.

It’s a good thing Dr. Savage is an obstetrician.

He looks at Vanessa again, with a bit more open disapproval. I pull her closer to me.

“She did tell me about you,” he says, after a pause. “I think it’s better for her that she’s no longer in contact with you.”

He leaves before Vanessa can respond to that. She looks like he just slapped her, though, with all the color draining from her face. She looks up at me, helplessly, and to my shock, she wraps her arms around me and presses her face against my shoulder.

“Don’t take it personally,” I say, rubbing her back. “It sounds like he likes Stef, so that’s a good thing.” I start leading her out of the exam room. “Let’s pick up those pictures and send some to Giulio. And Slayer. We can celebrate the little tadpole tonight.”

She stays at my side, her voice quiet but tentatively amused as she says, “Tadpole?”

“That’s what it looked like on the monitor,” I explain, fighting a small smile. “It’ll grow a proper head and legs later. Like a frog.”

Vanessa shakes her head, but she doesn’t comment as we approach the front desk. The woman hands me an envelope, and inside is a series of pictures of the little tadpole itself.

A baby, just for us. I feel my eyes prickle as I stare at the pictures some more.

Maybe I can actually trust that my hopes will become reality this time.

27

VANESSA

“I need to talk to Donny. You can talk to the girls while you wait,” Damien says to me.

I’m still reeling a bit from the pictures of the… of the tadpole. I don’t know why, but part of me was still holding on to hope that the pregnancy test was wrong, that the morning sickness was a flu, that my sore breasts were my period about to make its—late—appearance.

But no.

It’s inside me. Growing exactly as it should be.

And if it’s already at eight weeks… That means I got pregnant while using the contraceptive sponges. Before Giulio had discovered me.

I want to cry all over again. Everything I went through, and everything Stef is now going through, and it hadn’t even delayed anything.

Damien leaves me standing alone in the middle of the main hall while he heads upstairs to talk to Donny. I contemplate simply sinking to the floor and letting the tears fall.

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