Page 110 of Ruining Vanessa

Which is probably why they’re excluding me now, because I fucked up.

“He lectured Giulio the next morning,” Vanessa says, still barely looking at me. “But Giulio grinned through it all. If you’d stayed, you might have witnessed it. I think Giulio got off on it a little.”

I blink at her, a little surprised to hear her say that. I quirk my brows. “Yeah?”

She nods.

I don’t say anything, trying to imagine it. Yeah, I can see Giulio blowing it off and getting turned on by it. He likes putting Damien through hell.

“Why didn’t you stay?” she asks abruptly. “To… to watch.” She’s blushing furiously, and she stares down at her dress instead of looking at me.

I finish the omelet and guzzle down the rest of my beer, not wanting to answer that question and trying everything I can to stall. I should just tell her to fuck off. She doesn’t need to know about my feelings, or whatever.

“I didn’t want to watch,” I finally say.

“I think Giulio wanted you to stay.” She brushes a lock of hair behind her ear. “Damien wanted you to stay. Because he kept getting annoyed at Giulio.”

I’m surprised to hear her say that, and my mouth goes a little dry. “Yeah? What about you? Did you want me there? Watching while Giulio fucked you raw?”

Vanessa blushes, still fidgeting. “I…” She seems at a loss, and for a moment, she just stares down at her lap. “I don’t know. It… It was sort of nice, to have Damien watch. It might’ve been nice to have you watch, too.”

I don’t know what to think of that. Is this the same woman Damien and Giulio had kidnapped?

“I guess I just didn’t feel like I should be there. It felt like it was… between you and Giulio,” I mutter.

I need another fucking beer, but I don’t get up to get one. The last thing I need is to get drunk.

“It’s never just between me and Giulio, or me and Damien, or even me and you,” Vanessa mumbles. “You’re always there, even if you’re not.”

There’s a lump in my throat, and I don’t know what to say to that. I want to ask if it’s a good thing, but I really don’t think she feels like it is, and I don’t want to hear her say that. “We… care about you, you know,” I finally say, my voice so uncertain I barely recognize it as my own. “That’s why we did what we did with Brad. Why Damien said he’d have shot him. He hurt you. Yeah, we hurt you too, but you’re… You’re ours to hurt.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Vanessa says with a short bark of laughter that doesn’t sound amused at all.

“If anyone else hurts you, we’ll kill them,” I say bluntly. “You belong to us.” To us. It has to be us, not them. I don’t know if I can stand it if I’m left out of this whole family. Not when I’m finally starting to feel like I fit in somewhere, not when something is finally going right for once.

“Why?” Her voice cracks a bit. “I’m just… I’m boring. Average. No ass, no tits.” She laughs brokenly. “No skill in bed. There really are a million other women out there who’d fit you better. So why me?”

I stare at her, and her obvious pain drags me out of my own stupid jealous possessiveness. How can she still think that about herself? Haven’t we shown her how much better she is than that?

I get up, going to stand beside her, and lean down to kiss the top of her head. She flinches but doesn’t pull away, and I gently urge her to her feet so she stands in front of me. She’s almost as tall as I am, which I’ve never been into until her. “You’re gorgeous, Vanessa,” I say quietly, feeling awkward, like I’m some teenager in a Hallmark movie expressing his love or some shit. “You’re amazing in bed. Yeah, we like it when you’re scared, when you’re hurting, when you’re crying, when you’re pregnant… but that’s just us.”

She doesn’t say anything, even as I wrap my arms around her and pull her tightly against me, but it isn’t long before I feel tears leaking into my shirt. I rub her back.

“Fuck, Vanessa,” I say with a strained laugh. “I got so pissed off that Giulio wouldn’t let me near you that I came home and sulked.” I can’t believe I’m admitting that to her, but she’s being so vulnerable, sounding so lost and uncertain, that I can’t help but reciprocate just a little.

She rubs at her eyes and glances up at me. “What? Giulio wouldn’t do that. I mean… you know him better than I do. But I think… he likes sharing?”

“Yeah, I know. Usually. But you’re different for him. Special.” I hesitate. “He doesn’t give a fuck about people, Vanessa, but when Brad said that shit about you… He fucking lost it. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep Giulio from killing him.”

Vanessa shudders, which wasn’t exactly the reaction I was going for. But I guess not everyone thinks that someone being willing to kill for their honor is sexy or a sign of devotion.

Their loss.

“Anyway,” I say, not wanting to dwell on that. “Let’s just… Vanessa, you’re…” I let out a frustrated sound, trying to figure out what exactly I want to say but failing miserably. “You need to stop thinking of yourself like that. We think you’re perfect the way you are. We’d fight to keep you, because you’re you.”

“Damien said I was just a… a broodmare. You don’t have to hurt people for my sake. I’m already pregnant.”

Ugh, fucking Damien. “Yeah, and you know what Giulio told me?” I tilt her chin up. “That Damien’s been into you since the first moment he laid eyes on you. At some pool party. I think Damien doesn’t always say what he means. He gets off on calling you those things, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.”

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