Page 104 of Ruining Vanessa

“Just wanted you to know what a piece of shit he was,” Giulio says, still kissing me.

The phone audio continues, and suddenly there’s screaming. Cracking. Crying.

Brad begging for his life.

“Let go of me!” Giulio’s voice says, and the video goes quiet.

The bedroom goes silent, too, except for the way my breathing has picked up. I feel like I’m falling apart. “What… Why?” I whisper. “Why did you… Giulio…”

“I wanted to fucking murder him,” Giulio says. He drops the phone and gets his hand on my waist. “Thought about what he’d look like carved completely open. Easy. Desperate. I could have made him beg. He’d have been easy too.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” I say, tears sliding down my cheeks. “Why did you hurt him? You already punished Stef. I don’t… I don’t understand.”

I’m trying so hard not to think about the words, about how Brad had felt about me, and it’s surprisingly… easy. I’d known how he’d felt. He’d made it clear all the time, but I’d gone to him over and over because when he’d wanted to, he could make me feel special, too.

Giulio’s kisses stop, and he buries his head against my shoulder. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he agrees. “Brad did, though. You’re gonna tell me you feel bad for that sorry piece of shit?”

“Yes,” I whisper. “He was a dick, but he didn’t deserve…” If anyone deserved that, it would be Giulio, Slayer, and Damien. They’d done far worse to me than Brad had—and the life forming in my belly right now is more than proof of that. I don’t want to say that, though. I don’t want to risk provoking Giulio by accusing him of being a worse predator than Brad had ever been.

Giulio laughs though. “I know what you’re thinking.” He props himself up with one elbow on either side of me, grinning down at me. “But Giulio! You’re so much worse than my douchebag ex who’d been fucking ten other girls at the same time and sending all the pictures to his buddies! So what if Brad made me think I was ugly and bad in bed!” He kisses the tip of my nose. “Is that about right?”

I could lie, but there’s really no point in it. I meet his eyes and nod, for all that I can’t gather the strength to reply aloud.

“Mama, I’m an unhinged asshole, but I know who I am. I also know that I think you’re fucking hot. And any photos I take are a secret for me, Slayer, and Damien only.” Then he scowls. “You know he had a photo of you? Must have snapped it while you were asleep.”

My blood runs cold. I’d never sent Brad any pictures, even though he’d tried to get me to. I’d never let him take any. He’d known how I felt. To take one while I was sleeping…

“Naked, legs a little splayed. And judging by what he did with all the other photos of chicks on his phone…” Giulio snarls. “Fuck. I should have kept his phone so I could find all his fucking loser buddies.”

“Why do you care?” I ask hoarsely, not even bothering to try to wipe away my tears. “Giulio, you… It’s not like you’re a feminist or a vigilante. You’re a mafia boss. You…” I shake my head. How is it that he has me thinking Brad is actually worse for taking a picture of me when I was sleeping and passing it around to his friends? It makes no sense. But I feel just as violated as when Giulio touches me.

“Why shouldn’t I care?” Giulio rubs the corners of my eyes to wipe away the tears. “You’re mine. I near carved you up because you hurt Damien. You think I wouldn’t do the same to somebody who hurt you?”

There’s a lump in my throat that I can’t make sense of. I’m not like Damien. He doesn’t care for me the same way. There’s no possible way…

But actions speak louder than words, don’t they? And Giulio and Slayer had hunted Brad down to make him pay for a few insults, a few fucked-up things. It’s almost… touching, in a way, but I don’t know how I can even think that. I should be horrified and terrified, but instead, I feel a little… warmer.

“I’ll tell you a secret though,” Giulio says, lowering himself to be almost fully on top of me. “I was never going to really hurt you. You looked hot, all teary-eyed, thinking I might rip you apart. But I didn’t want to kill you. Brad, though? He’s fucking lucky Slayer’s got more sense than me.” He pauses to laugh. “Or maybe he’s unlucky Slayer was stupid enough to take me along on that field trip.”

I blink up at him, trying to understand. “What? Slayer brought you to Brad’s? Why?”

“A fun romantic outing to congratulate me on my pregnancy,” Giulio says, snorting again. “No fucking clue. Ask him why he’s such a dumbfuck.”

“That really was stupid,” I say quietly. “Going to Benton at all, let alone torturing a rich guy with lots of connections on Victor Corvi’s turf. It’s going to cause problems…”

“Nah.” Giulio starts attacking my neck again while one hand winds under my shirt. “He’ll be too humiliated to say anything. He’ll have to admit he was stupid enough to let us in the door in the first place. And… Hey, do you think he’s the type to go to a strip club? I hope he is. He’ll show up at my new place, and the bouncer will recognize him—he’d be on a list—and then I’d… beatings or blackmail, which do you think would hurt worse? No, public humiliation. At that point it’s his own fault, if he’s getting his dick out for a stripper.”

“I really don’t understand why you’re doing all this,” I tell him, but I reach out to tentatively card my fingers through his hair. “He’s in my past. I’m never going to see him again.” The words are bittersweet, but would I really prefer being yanked around by him to this? At one point, I’d have said definitely, but now, I’m not so sure, and that scares me a little. “I know you think you’re defending my honor, but—”

The door opens before I can circle back around to the same question I’ve already asked, the same question I know I won’t get a satisfactory answer for. Damien and Slayer step inside, and they’re both tense, wary, like they expected to see Giulio pounding into me or worse.

What do they think, seeing this instead? Giulio atop me, fully dressed, kissing my throat while I run my fingers through his hair?

“Look, I didn’t murder her,” Giulio says. “You two can stop worrying now.”

“I didn’t think you would,” Damien answers, although he doesn’t sound convincing. “Next time, don’t go to Benton without telling me.”

I want to ask Slayer why he did it in the first place, but at the same time, I’m not sure I really want to know. “Will the three of you leave Brad alone now?” I ask quietly, letting my hand drop down to the bed. “Please? He’s learned his lesson, I’m sure. No more visits to Benton to see him, no more torture.”

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