Page 87 of Ruining Vanessa

“It’s not…” I start, but who else would it be?

The knocking stops, and a few seconds later, I hear Damien call out, “Giulio? I know you’re here.”

“I’m not!” Giulio shouts back. “Don’t you have meetings? With… what's-his-face.”

“He’s not going to go away,” I point out. “You’ve been ghosting him all morning.” But I don’t call out to let Damien know we’re in here. I’m not ready for him to find out yet.

I’m not ready to see the look in his eyes when he realizes his dreams are coming true. It’s going to be as thrilling for him as it is traumatic for me. I squeeze my eyes tightly closed, trying to ignore the racing of my heart.

Damien appears in the bedroom doorway, and even in the dark, he looks disheveled. He holds up his phone. Although I can’t see what’s on the screen, I can take an educated guess.

“Is this real?” he asks Giulio.

He isn’t asking me, of course.

Giulio shrugs, although I’m not sure Damien can see the gesture. “Dunno. How accurate are those tests?”

That’s a question I don’t know the answer to, honestly. I let them continue to talk about me like I’m not there, and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth as I’m reminded yet again of just what role I play in their lives.

I’m just here to make babies for them. Any times they’ve been nice to me have just been a means to an end. Now that I might be pregnant, it’s like I don’t even exist anymore.

“False positives are rare,” Damien says, his voice uneven. “Only in cases of… recent miscarriages, or fertility medications…”

Giulio sighs and buries his head against my shoulder. “Well, Mama? Did you miscarry recently? You been taking any meds we don’t know about?”

Even the idea of a miscarriage frightens me. If Giulio sent me on a wild chase through the woods and let Slayer cut me up for using contraceptive sponges, I can only imagine… Scratch that, I can’t even imagine what he’d do to me. His creativity knows no bounds, and I’m realizing that it can always get worse.

I shake my head. “N-no,” I stammer. “Just the prenatal vitamins every day.”

Damien makes his way over to us and sits down on the bed beside me. His gaze is so intense, it feels like he wants to devour me whole.

He settles for running his knuckles down the side of my face, so gentle I could almost confuse it for a loving gesture.

“We… We can’t get our hopes up,” Damien says. “The first few weeks are the most volatile. Things happen.”

I still don’t even want to think about what would happen if I had a miscarriage. Giulio would probably blame me, and the aftermath would be horrible. “I’ll do everything right,” I swear fervently, hoping desperately that they’ll believe me. “I won’t do anything to risk the child.” I glance at Giulio, my throat dry as I whisper, “I promise.”

His lips twitch into a semblance of a smile, but he’s been acting strange all morning. He’s even more unreadable than usual.

“Okay, so. Set up all the doctor appointments.” Giulio yawns and kisses my neck. “And answer my phone for me, would you? I bet Slayer’s been texting a bunch too.”

Damien doesn’t quite roll his eyes, but he does reach for Giulio’s phone.

Then he snorts. “Slayer says the picture of Vanessa is hot. I don’t think he noticed.”

That somehow doesn’t surprise me at all, but I don’t make that comment aloud. Instead, I ask in a small voice, “Are you going to tell him?” Will he come over, too? Will they all make me feel like some animal that’s been successfully bred?

“Yeah, tell him. We should celebrate. Ugh, what time is it? I don’t actually have any meetings today, do I?” Giulio’s hand is suddenly underneath my shirt, stroking my belly. “Got my queen all knocked up. My two loyal generals deserve a reward for protecting her so well… or something, we’ll workshop it.”

I don’t want to play his games. In a way, it stings to know that he still has to play pretend. Isn’t he excited, like Damien? Didn’t he say he wanted this? He’s still acting so oddly, and I don’t know what to make of it.

But at least they’re not talking about putting me on a breeding bench and fucking me senseless, so there’s that. At least if I’m his beloved queen, they’ll be gentle with me. They won’t risk hurting the baby.

The baby.

My baby.

Damien taps on the phone to send the text, then lies down next to me. His hand joins Giulio’s on my belly.

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