Page 85 of Ruining Vanessa

“I don’t know, man.” I shrug. “Sometimes you house and feed somebody, make sure they get all the comforts they need, and they still end up using contraceptive sponges.”

Vanessa glowers at me again. “That’s not a fair comparison, and you know it.”

I laugh and kiss her on the nose. “Sure it is. Anyway, Damien’s family decided, after years of taking his money, that he was a violent, no-good loser and they didn’t want him around. Fucking hypocrites. If Damien didn’t still care about them, you know I would have… Well, I wouldn’t want to scare you.” I reach out with one arm for the pregnancy test. “Time’s up. Let’s see if we won the lottery.”

Yeah, she can figure out what I’m getting at, as long as she’s not still delusional about the sort of shit her old man was up to. But more importantly, I want to know if I’m going to see double lines or just one.

Her shoulders slump, but she nods. She doesn’t look as I grab the test, though, like seeing it will somehow delay the inevitable.

Despite all my joking, I’m still a little shocked when I see the two lines.

“Oh,” I say quietly.

It’s real. She really is pregnant.

I don’t know how to react. A strange whirl of emotions bubble inside me, and I want to kiss her and shove her away. Call Damien and Slayer, or ignore them for a week.

I want to hurt somebody, and I don’t know why.

But not Vanessa.

“Here,” I say, handing it to her.

She takes it, but she doesn’t look, not at first. She’s trying to read my expression, but I’m too confused for her to be able to tell what I’m thinking. Hell, I don’t know what I’m thinking.

Finally, she looks down, and her blush from earlier completely fades as she blanches. Tears start to quickly slide down her cheeks, and the test falls from her hand and clatters to the floor as she shakes her head. “It’s wrong,” she says hoarsely. “Get another one. This one can’t be right.”

Her tears finally shake something loose in me. I grip her chin and kiss her hard, on her lips first, then her cheeks, up to her eyes to kiss away some of the tears.

“We’ll get you a doctor’s appointment,” I say. “To make sure.” I let go of her to pick up the pregnancy test. “Hold it up in front of you, Mama. I want to take a picture. Slayer and Damien will want to know, too.”

Vanessa shakes her head and curls her hands into fists. “No. They don’t have to know. It isn’t right.” The tears keep falling, etching lines into her face.

I try to push the pregnancy test at her anyway, but she ends up sliding to the floor. Finally, I drop the test on her lap and tap her chin.

“Look up at me, Mama,” I say, with a bit too much bite.

She flinches at my tone, but with tears running down her face, she looks up at me so I can take the picture. She looks miserable, and that’s not the photo I want our kid to see one day.

“Smile for me. Those are tears of joy, right? We don’t want our baby thinking they aren’t wanted.”

Vanessa swallows hard, but she puts on a pretty decent smile.

I snap the photo and send it to both Damien and Slayer. It might take them a while to notice the pregnancy test on her lap, but I’ll let them figure it out for themselves.

That done, I put my phone away and go sit next to Vanessa. I take her hand in mine, just holding it, trying to figure out what to say. What to do.

“Y’know,” I finally say, after some minutes of silence. “It doesn’t feel real.”

“No,” she says, her voice almost inaudible. “It doesn’t.” She glances at me, trying to wipe at her tears. “What… What do we do now?”

“Dunno. Damien will probably have a full plan in place.” I snort in amusement. “Not probably. Definitely.”

All sorts of scenarios are running through my head, followed by more flashes of anger. I tense up, trying to figure out why I’m suddenly so fucking mad, until Vanessa whimpers.

“Giulio. You’re hurting me,” she says, tugging at her hand.

I stare at our hands, and even then, it doesn’t feel like it’s my hand that’s squeezing so tight.

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