Page 99 of Calling of the Crown

My chest tightened, and as much as I tried pushing away the negative thought, it stayed there. I’d kept so busy over the past three months that I’d somehow managed to avoid feeding into my worries and fears. But avoiding them and tucking them away to deal with later now had me on the verge of imploding. As I watched the people who had become my family laugh, mess around, and relax, the anxiety that was always swirling around inside me rose up like smoke from a flame about to ignite.

Clearing my throat, I turned in Rune’s grasp and placed my hands on the sides of his neck, winding them to the back of his head. “I’ll be right back.”

The carefree glimmer that had been in his eyes slowly dimmed. “Is everything okay?”

I opened my mouth to give him reassurance, but I didn’t think I could lie convincingly right now. So, instead, I gave him a small smile and said, “Not really. That’s why I need to step away for a moment. I’ll be fine, I promise. I just … I need a second.”

He looked as if he wanted to argue, and I knew his hesitation came from what had happened the last time I went out on my own during the night.

I squeezed the back of his neck and added, “I’m not going to do anything stupid or reckless like last time. I’m just going for a walk to clear my head.”

He seemed to understand that I needed this. So, reluctantly, he let me out of his arms.

I pecked his cheek with a small kiss and got to my feet. I started walking along the beach, not knowing where I was going or what I was doing. I just needed to walk.

My body moved on autopilot, walking across the sandy beach until I reached the edge of the island. I didn’t let that stop me. I waded into the water, and it was like a part of me knew where to go, knew where I needed to be—the one place I’d always found solace when I was overwhelmed and troubled.

I emerged onto the bank of the mainland and trekked my way to the realm opening. I held my hand up to the open air where I knew the gateway stood, and the veil between Ambrolia and the human realm fizzled open beneath my palm.

I stepped out and was greeted by springtime.

Five months.

I’d already been in Ambrolia for five months.

I’d left the human world behind in colors of red and gold and stepped back into it to find startling greens.

A tightness enveloped my chest as I slowly walked, noting the pine trees, blooming forest floor, and sounds of the nearby lake. I left the cover of the trees for where my team and I had camouflaged our SUVs.

A fine layer of dust had gathered on the interior, but I ignored it as I started the ignition and took off. I was still numb as I drove, almost as if my mind was waiting until I arrived at my destination to let everything out. My head wanted the comfort of it just as much as my body did, and it refused to let me process anything until we were there.

When I got to campus, I felt the first few bricks holding everything back begin to crumble. I pulled into guest parking since I was no longer a student here, and that thought caused more cracks to form in the mortar between the bricks. As I got out and stared at my old dorm, my old window, and the trees beyond the building, I thought about the girl who’d called this home for a time. She was eager, naive, and absolutely clueless about the world and herself. She was timid, careful, and excited for the future she was building. A future that involved movie nights with her best friend and doing everything she could to become a painter.

More bricks cracked and crumbled.

Bria, the painter.

What a dream that was.

What an artist she would’ve been.

I pushed away from the SUV and finally made my way into the woods behind my dorm. It was a path I’d walked countless times, and even though I hadn’t been here in over five months, even though spring had changed its appearance, I still knew the path as well as I knew the lines of my palm. Before long, I emerged from the trees and found myself in my old safe haven.

My clearing.

My creek.

The sensations, emotions, and memories hit me all at once like a wrecking ball. The walls crumbled, and so did I. I stumbled to the creek bed where I’d always sat and sank to my knees.

The silent tears came first, followed by the loud sobs.

Springtime.

If things had been different, I would’ve been in Italy right now. I would’ve been working with my hero, the acclaimed painter, Luca Romano. I would’ve been pursuing my dream of being an artist, a dream I’d laid aside for a new one. But one that still begged to be given a chance inside me.

I clutched my hands to my chest and folded in on myself as more tears fell down my cheeks. My watery reflection stared up at me as my face hovered over the water—a reflection that looked far different than the girl who was here last. My long locks were now mostly blue, only remaining blonde at the top. My eyes were hollower and less vibrant from the stress that had dimmed their hue.

Gone was the Bria from before.

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