Page 96 of Calling of the Crown

He was right. I knew that. I’d put him in a hard position by doing this all on my own and not telling him anything. If the tables were turned, I’d probably be an absolute wreck. His anger was warranted, and the guilt I felt was deserved.

“I’m sorry, Rune,” I whispered.

“We are about to head into a fight like none of us have ever seen,” Rune seethed with a tight jaw. “We’re about to go to war with a man—the very man who you were with last night—whose number one goal is killing you.”

He stopped, swiping his still bloody hands over his face and into his hair. Finally, his eyes met mine, and the anger had vanished, giving way to a new, more potent emotion.

“I am so scared, Bria,” he admitted, his voice catching on the word. “I’ve been in countless fights. Lost plenty of friends and fellow soldiers in war. And I know you’re strong. I know you’re a badass and powerful, but I am terrified of losing you. Every time we train, I think, ‘what if this was the real thing?’ I watch you take hits and picture Elias being on the delivering end of that, and I … I’ve never panicked as much as I have in these past weeks. I don’t know how to deal with all of this. I don’t know how I can go into battle, knowing that at any time, you could die.”

His fear was one I shared, and having him vocalize it made a crater form in my chest. My busy schedule had kept me from having to dwell on the terror always poking at me, but having Rune say it out loud made it impossible to ignore.

I might only have two months of life left.

We all might.

Rune closed the space between us, and he placed his bloody hands on the sides of my head, pulling me into him and pressing his forehead to mine. “Please,” he whispered. “Please promise me you won’t die.”

My chest tightened with so many emotions that I couldn’t even begin to name them all, but they curled around my throat, making it sound like gravel as I said, “You know I can’t promise that.”

He knew it was the truth, even before he asked it. We both did. He needed comfort and reassurance, but we both knew it would be a lie. I couldn’t promise that I’d live through the battle, just as he couldn’t. I couldn’t even promise today or tomorrow. That was out of our hands, no matter how badly we craved for that control.

Placing my hands over his, I squeezed. “But I can promise you that I’m going to give it my all. I’m going to try harder than I ever have before, and I won’t stop fighting. No matter what. I promise to fight to stay here by your side.”

Taking a deep breath, he whispered, “I can’t lose you, Bria.”

“We don’t know what’s going to happen, Rune. We don’t know how any of this is going to play out, so you can’t think that way. That’s only going to serve to distract you during the fight, and I can’t have that. All you can do is hold onto me right now. Hold on and focus on right now.”

Did I really believe my words? Partly. But, like Rune, I was scared to death of what was to come. I wanted to scream, cry, puke, everything, because the idea of losing him, of losing anyone, terrified me. I just couldn’t voice that, because I needed to be strong for Rune, for those fighting, and for my people.

I let go of his hands and wrapped my arms around his neck. He let go of my head to pull me against him, and his strong arms hugged tightly around my middle. We squeezed like we were trying to memorize the feel of each other, and perhaps that’s exactly what we were doing. The time we had wasn’t guaranteed. It could be gone like a snap of fingers.

So I held on, memorizing the press of his chest to mine, the ridges in his back, the weight of his cheek pressed into the top of my head, and the sound of his beating heart. We stayed that way for countless minutes. All was quiet. All was still. There was just the two of us embracing and our silent worries filling the room.

“Please don’t do anything reckless like sneaking out to see my mom again,” Rune whispered against the top of my head.

I pressed my cheek into his shoulder. “I won’t. I’m sorry.”

He took a breath and asked, “What did you mean when you said you let her talk to my dad?”

I pulled back to look at him and explained what I’d learned. I told him what Muna said, about my practice on the balcony of our room, and about the decision I’d made to try to sway Myra.

“I know it was stupid,” I finished. “I should’ve told you what I was doing so you weren’t left to worry. I—I just … I know I can’t bring Balgair back to life, but I thought I could at least bring your mom back to you.”

Rune let out a puff of air and shook his head. “I appreciate you wanting to do that for me. Really. But I don’t need you to bring either of them back. I have all I need right here.” He grabbed my hands with his bloody ones and placed them against his chest as if to punctuate his words.

As I stared up at him, it became clear he meant what he said. There were no false assurances in his gaze as it held mine. Only truth and love resided there, and when I realized that he meant it, that I was truly enough, warmth unfurled in my chest like a flower opening to bask in the sun.

I stood on my tiptoes to press my lips to his, and he leaned into me, sweeping his lips over mine in response. The soft and slow overlapping of lips and roaming tongues was different from a lot of our kisses. It wasn’t a hungry, urgent act that begged for sex, but rather, it was meant to show just how much love there was between us. We piled our emotions for the other into it, trying to convey what the other meant to us.

When we finally pulled apart, we pressed our foreheads together and worked to catch our breath. He still had my hands pressed to his chest, and his thumb brushed lovingly over the back of my hand.

“I still have to give the whole story to Dallas and everybody,” I said, and there was no missing the hint of disappointment in my voice. I wanted to stay here with him, just the two of us in the quiet, stillness of the room.

He nodded and almost seemed reluctant to leave. He turned and started to make his way for the door with one of my hands still woven in his.

“I know you said you don’t need me to bring either of them back,” I began slowly as we trekked through the main training room and for the stairs. Rune looked at me as I finished, “But if you want to see your dad for a moment, I could—”

“No.”

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