Page 100 of Calling of the Crown

Twigs snapped to my left, and I quickly looked over my shoulder, only to be hit with a new flood of bittersweet emotions.

Four black paws padded the green earth as a silver fox emerged from the foliage.

My fox.

His amber eyes locked on mine as he slowly crossed the earth and came to settle right beside me. The necklace I’d given him draped around his neck, and seeing him wearing it after so long made my throat burn with fresh emotion. He’d kept the strand of jewelry away these days for safe-keeping, yet here it was now.

He stared up at me and sat on his hind legs, and he leaned forward to press his nose to my cheek where a tear fell. He didn’t shift forms. He didn’t make a move to try to convince me to follow him back. He stayed as he was. My fox, here to sit and listen as he’d always done.

Lips quivering, I squeezed my eyes shut and let my head hang again. “I’m such a wreck, Rune. I’ve been trying to keep it all in. I’ve been trying not to think about everything that’s happening. But now it’s breaking me.”

I found my gaze in the water again. “I never really processed the life I was leaving behind. When I made the decision to accept who I was and decided to try to end the war, I didn’t truly come to terms with what I was giving up in the process. I never let myself think about the dreams I had lost or the life that could’ve been mine if things were different, so now I … I—”

I looked at the place in the water where my gifts had awakened all those months ago during my fight with Jonah. “Now I’m grieving the loss of that Bria. I’m grieving the loss of the girl who died the day this version of me was born.”

I wiped at my face with the back of my hand, though it did nothing since the tears kept coming. “I love who I am. I wouldn’t change that or what we’re doing. I haven’t felt more alive, more free, or more myself than I do as the Water Fae that I am, but I also miss the normal me sometimes. I miss painting. I miss only having to worry about homework and exams. I miss being human sometimes. Is that selfish?”

I looked at my fox, and he shook his head to say no. He’d once said that I was still allowed to want things and be things outside of a Queen and leader. I’d never really let myself think that, though. When I started this, my first priority had become my people and stopping this war, and that was all I’d thought about. That had come back to bite me in the butt, because now all my old wants were rearing their head and breaking me down.

And those old desires weren’t the only things weighing me down, either.

Fresh cries sprang from my lips as I thought about what initially brought me here, what worry had unfurled so dangerously large inside of me that I had to escape to finally release it. My fox nudged my shoulder and forced me back enough to sit up. His paws tapped my knee, and I moved to sit crisscrossed. He climbed into my lap, and I wrapped my arms around his small form, crying into his soft fur. He rested his head on my shoulder and emitted a soft, soothing rumble as though to console me.

I leaned back enough to look down at him through my blurry lashes. He stared back at me like he was waiting on me to tell him what was burdening me.

I let out a breathy, pained laugh. “You always were willing to listen to me talk about my problems.” My heart grew heavy like stone. I dropped my head to press my forehead to his, and my voice cracked as I confessed, “I’m so scared, because I know we aren’t all coming home.”

He nuzzled his snout into my cheek, and I clung to him like he was my life preserver in turbulent seas. I’d finally voiced the thing that plagued me most.

I had chosen this path.

I had chosen this fight for peace.

But at the cost of all our lives.

It was a risk we all knew, and only those willing to die for our goal were riding into battle.

Which meant everyone I cared about and loved could walk onto that field and never leave it again.

“I don’t want to lose them,” I choked out into Rune’s fur. “I don’t want to lose you. I need my family.”

A slender arm suddenly wrapped around my shoulder. I whipped my head up to find a bleary-eyed Dallas sinking to her knees on my left. She smiled at me as tears rolled down her cheeks. A hand covered mine where it wrapped around my fox, and I looked to find Akira sitting on my right and gripping my hand.

“H-How did you guys—” I stuttered, shocked to see them.

“Rune was worried about you,” Akira revealed, brushing my hair back from my face. “He had a hunch that if you were trying to decompress, you’d come here. So, he came, and the rest of us followed him.”

“The rest of you?” I asked, looking between Akira and Dallas.

Dallas nodded behind me.

I looked over my shoulder to find everyone gathered at the edge of the clearing. The twins were the first to run over, dropping in front of me. They placed their hands on my legs and smiled up at me.

“You’re our family, too,” Greshim said. “So don’t cry alone.”

“We love you, B-Bria,” Newt added.

Their words sparked fresh tears but also a warmth unlike any other deep inside my chest.

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