Page 18 of Ronny

I thought I was going to die. Most of the time I wished that I did, but now I’m grateful I made it through those tough times.

“Angel?” Ronny says frantically.

The shame hits me hard. I slide out of bed and run into the bathroom, trying to catch my breath. My fists slamming down onto the counter, I look at myself in the mirror.

Why am I letting these men win?

Sex doesn’t scare me. I realized that a few years ago, though the forced blow jobs are one thing that will be hard for me to get over. How is that fair for Ronny after what he just did for me?

This is why he deserves someone who can be and do whatever it takes to please him.

The bathroom door is pushed open, and I turn away from him so he doesn’t see my reaction.

That doesn’t stop him.

“Baby, I shouldn’t have done that. Can you forgive me?” he pleads with me, lifting me up onto the counter so I’m forced to look at him.

“Wait, I wanted that,” I tell him sternly. “You will not blame yourself for this. I loved what happened between us.” I touch his cheek, realizing I’m so selfish. He is looking at me with such love, tenderness. “It’s me that I blame,” I finish.

His eyes widen. “What the fuck? Why?” He grips me tighter by my hips.

“I want to pleasure you like you did me, but I can’t do that right now.” My voice trembles, terrified at the thought even though I know Ronny would never force or hurt me.

The thought alone is enough to send me into a panic attack.

“Baby.” His voice is tortured. “Tell me?” he pleads with me, and I lift my head, tears falling from my eyes.

“In the cult you know sexual abuse was a big thing,” I start off, and his face turns stormy. I know he hates hearing about it.

“In therapy over the years, we have talked about triggers. Sex, we don’t think is a major one for me, but blow jobs?” My voice cracks at the end. “That’s something I’m not sure I will ever be able to do for you. I’m so scared because of how violent it was for me in the past.”

Ronny is enraged, his hands have a death grip on the counter. “Angel.” His voice is rough, ragged. “I don’t care if I never get a blow job, this was about you. You deserve to be taken care of, you will never be on your knees in front of me, ever. One day, if your fears aren’t there, you could try, but I don’t care if it never happens.”

How is he so perfect?

“Ronny,” I say breathlessly, the fear that I had slowly ebbing away. “Can we shower together?”

He strips down until he is completely bare. This is the first time I have ever saw him naked. Just when I didn’t think he could be more beautiful. I start to reach out and stroke him, but I stop myself, not wanting to touch him without permission.

Ronny captures my hand just as I’m about to put it back to my side. “What’s wrong?"

I giggle, embarrassed slightly “Well, I almost reached out and stroked you.”

He is staring at me hard. “One day you can do that, baby, but right now, I want to take care of you.” He kisses my forehead and I sigh at the feeling.

“Okay.” He smiles and lifts me off the counter and carries me into the shower. He holds me out of the spray until the water warms.

I place my head in the crook of his neck, my body wrapped around him as I hold on for dear life.

The water trails over our bodies. “Kiss me,” I whisper, and he does it without hesitation. First thing I notice is, the kiss is different. Ronny is kissing me like he can take all the pain away from me.

An idea forms in my mind and I smile against his lips. “You said I can touch you one day, but can I watch you touch yourself?” I ask, shocking myself that I was bold enough to say it, but that is something I’m aching to see.

He smirks heatedly. “Fuck yeah, you can.” He sets me down on the shower floor, and I move across, leaning against the wall.

The water is streaming down his body, his deep blue-green eyes beaming at me. His jaw is clenched.

His abs are mouthwatering, I want to run my tongue over every single one. The veins in his arms are taut, and his hands are massive and rough from all the hard work he has done throughout the years.

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