Page 52 of Liam

I laugh out loud at her calling me a bad boy and loving it when I just smiled at her. I remember that moment, because I was so fucking infatuated with her.

Entry Number Two:

He has been staring at me all day. With every single move I make, I can feel his eyes on me. I love that he is staring at me because that means he isn’t staring at other girls.

I laugh out loud again because she is right. I could barely take my eyes off her, and I thought I came across as creepy—but, apparently, she liked that shit.

Entry Number Three:

I wish he would talk to me. I wish I had the guts to talk to him.

I so wanted to fucking talk to her. She was so innocent and sweet, I didn’t want to taint her with all of my shit. She skipped a few days.

Entry Number Four:

He saved me, he stopped the most horrible thing from happening to me, and I am not sure how I can go on. I am scared that someone could almost do something like this to me so easily—a janitor, no less.

I feel dirty and embarrassed, my stomach is in knots and I am so sick to my stomach. I can feel his hands on me and hear him telling me what is going to happen to me. I was going to be trafficked out. I know that my dad would have done everything in his power to save me, but the damage would have been done. Without Liam I would be gone and probably wishing I were dead.

Liam saved me, but I am not sure that he will ever talk to me again, because who would?

She just fucking broke my heart. It is shattered into a million pieces by knowing that the thought of my not wanting her crossed her mind. That shit is unacceptable. No matter what happened to her, it would never change the way I feel about her.

Entry Number Five:

I thought today was going to end up being a total disaster, my friends completely abandoned me and I was left alone all day at school.

Until lunchtime.

Liam sat down right beside me, and he opened my food and drinks like he has known me for a long time. Then we just hit it off, it ended up being the best day because he was there and, most of all, I felt safe.

I had been scared all day long. People stared, guys leered, and people laughed at me like it was my fault. He made it okay. Today he become a big part of me and he doesn’t know it.

Entry Number Six:

He sneaked in my window, my stomach was in knots and my heart felt like it was about to explode. My whole body was on edge, and I was aware of his every move, even though we just watched TV the whole night. I couldn’t keep the smile off of my face even if I tried. He wanted to make sure I was okay and didn’t want me to be alone.

He wanted to make sure that I was okay.

I know, in this moment, that I could fall in love with him very easily.

There is an entry for every time we did something together or something monumental happened. It could be the littlest thing, like my holding her hand. It meant the fucking world to her, and that shit means everything to me. Because it meant everything to me too. I loved getting to share all of the little things with her. She was the reason I got through being overseas. She helped me heal from a lot of things. My shit childhood made me angry and hateful. But I could never be those things with her; she is Paisley. She changed me.

The entries go on and on: our first time holding hands, the first time we kissed, when we hugged for the first time, and when she rode on the back of my bike. Everything. The moment I left for basic and it was killing her on the inside. She wanted to support me in all of my fucking dreams, but she missed me so much that she felt like she couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t breathe either, she is my fucking air. I breathe her, she is my whole fucking being.

Then the entries end the moment I got back, the moment I was home with her for fucking good.

I stand up, putting the notebook on the coffee table, and go to find her. She is lying on the bed with another journal, watching TV. She looks up at me with that fucking blinding smile. “Finished?”

What the fuck do I say to that? “Is that another one for me?”

She nods again with the same huge fucking smile. She is so fucking beautiful. I still know that I don’t deserve her, but nobody could love her like I do. She closes the book and sets it on the table. “You going to fuck me or what?” She grins.

Paisley

The moment he walks into the room, I can tell that he is looking at me in another light, and that is exactly what my intention was. I wanted him to see the core of my being. I wanted him to see all of me.

There will be more journals for him. I have one for the night of our wedding, and it starts with the moment he came home; that was the beginning of us. Then after we are married, I will start another one, and this will be given to him before we have our first child. I will give him another journal at every huge milestone in our life. I never want him to doubt how I feel.

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