Page 108 of Hitting the Gap

“You’re scared of heights?” Why would someone do this for their job if they were afraid of heights?

“Turns out I’m not really. I mean, yes, I have the normal, healthy caution around heights, but not actual fear.”

“Okay?” Where was she going with this?

“What I’m saying is my fear wasn’t about the height, it was about control. Losing control, not being able to control the outcome. All of those little what ifs that scared the beejeezus out of me.”

The kindness and understanding on Sloane’s face made Bailey’s chest tighten. Did she understand? Could she?

“So what is it about the scale that scares you, Bailey? Because it’s not me seeing your weight.”

Okay, apparently she didn’t understand at all, because it was definitely about the weight. Bailey snorted in reply.

“It’s not. That number means nothing to me other than for safety. That number matters to you. Your actual weight doesn’t change just because you happen to know the number. Your pants still fit the same. Who you are is still the same. What changes is the power you give that number.”

“Okay, not to be rude, but I came here to jump out of a plane, not have a counseling session.”

“Fair enough, and I’m not trying to psychoanalyze you. I’ve just been doing this long enough to have seen the catharsis that can come from doing something that scares you and the healing that can come after. You came here for a reason, Bailey. You either wrangle the fear or it wrangles you. Up to you. I can’t do it for you, but in this case, it doesn’t get much closer than being strapped to you to support you through it. Like I said, I’m stronger than I look and I think you are too.” Sloane stood up. “I’ll give you a minute,” she said and closed the door behind her.

Bailey dropped into the open seat. Damn it. This was supposed to be simple. Just jump out of a plane and live to tell about it. Rah, rah, female empowerment shit. Not something that dug into a bunch of her inner child lifelong body image issues. This was so not what she’d thought she was signing up for.

Resting her elbows on her knees, she dropped her face into her hands. Did she want to deal with this today?

Shit. She’d come so far already on this issue with Gonzo’s help, but if she was honest with herself, truly honest, part of why she thought things wouldn’t work with them was because of her body image crap. If her own mother hadn’t thought she was good enough and judged her on her body, why wouldn’t everyone else? Before Gonzo, every man she’d chosen had criticized her body, said she was pretty but…

Was Sloane right? Was Gonzo? “Agh,” she growled. “Fuck it.” Bailey pushed to her feet. It looked like she was jumping out of a goddamn plane after all.

She opened the office door and marched over to the scale. “Let’s do this.”

“Atta girl,” Sloane whooped.

Bailey stepped up to the scale. “I’m doing this, but don’t say it out loud, okay.”

“No problem,” Sloane agreed.

After one deep breath, Bailey stood on the scale. She eyed the number, winced, and closed her eyes. It’s fine, it’s just a number, she told herself.

“Got it,” Sloane said. “You can step off now.”

Bailey hopped off and looked over at Sloane. The other woman looked at her exactly the same as she had before she’d been weighed. “Thanks,” Bailey murmured.

“Of course. Now let’s go get this video watched and start talking safety so we can get you up in the air.”

“Alright, I’ll follow you.”

An hour later, Bailey suited up and followed Sloane to the plane.

“We’ll meet you at the drop zone,” Kia told her.

“Thanks for sticking around. I know this was a little boring for you both.”

Kia rubbed the top of Max’s head. “It’s all good. He’s pumped to watch you and now that he met everyone in your group, he’s even more excited.”

“I’ll try not to land on you, Max,” Bailey teased.

The little boy’s eyes widened. “I’m not standing on the button. Sloane said I had to be outside the target.”

Bailey chuckled. “Yep, you do. I was just teasing you.”

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