Page 84 of Until

Carina

ONE WEEK UNTIL RYAN’S BIRTHDAY

It’s been weeks since I last saw or heard from Alex. I miss hearing from him, but I can’t give him the kind of love he wants from me. He deserves better than that anyway.

"Hi, Reggie," I say. "It's me, Carina."

“Hello, Miss. Is there something I can help you with?"

"No, well, yes. I’m calling to see how Alex is doing. I haven't heard from him in a few weeks, and the last time I saw him…"

"Well, yes, Miss, I would think that would be reason enough for you to call him and not me. He’s been abandoned most of his life. I didn’t think you were the type to do the same.”

"Ouch, Reggie.” I’m quiet for a moment as I kick myself. “But you’re right, I deserved that."

I sigh as I get up from my seat and walk over to the window. Central Park is lush and green during this time of year. From this distance, it’s hard to see the thousands of people who might be in the park. It’s also hard to see the people who struggled like I did until Alex entered my life.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Reggie, but do you think you could pick me up?"

"Of course, Miss. Where would you like me to take you?"

"To Alex's. I need to see him."

"That's an excellent decision, Miss. I'll be there within the hour."

Almost a month has passed since I was last at Alex’s. I sat up front with Reggie going over in my mind what I should say.

I feel like I should apologize to him, but why? I didn't do anything wrong. I don’t believe I did anything to lead him on or for him to have feelings for me. And I definitely never intended to break his heart.

Everything seems to revolve around that one thing--breaking someone's heart. That was never my intention. Even though I had agreed to do it to Ryan, I always figured when the time came, I would think of a way out of it.

I can’t deny my feelings for Ryan. He feels the same for me, too. And even though it was only a few weeks ago that I broke up with him, thinking that was best, I know now that that was a mistake.

Ryan and I are meant to be together--not until the summer, but until forever. But first, I need to settle some things with his brother.

The trees lining the road up to Alex’s home seem fuller than usual. They block the sun, leaving only glimpses of sunlight glittering through the leaves. As Reggie pulls up in front of the house, it looks different to me than before.

The huge mansion is no longer a large and impressive building to me; it’s a home. It’s a place where I found comfort. And after hearing Ryan tell me about how things were for Alex, I understand how important having a home is to him.

I walk up to the door and reach for the knob to open it, but then I think better. Reggie gave me no idea what to expect. Is Alex angry with me? Is he still hurt? I don't know what I'm walking into. And while before, I would come and go as I pleased, it no longer feels appropriate just to let myself in. I ring the doorbell and wait.

And I keep waiting. It seems no one is coming to answer the door. I turn towards the car to ask what’s going on, but Reggie has gone.

Great, I can't believe he ditched me.

I ring the doorbell again, and Alex answers right away. He's barefoot in a pair of old jeans and an open buttoned-down white cotton shirt. His hair is wet, and he is rolling up his long sleeves.

"Sorry, I just got out of the shower," he says. "I was hoping you'd stop by eventually. We need to talk."

I enter the foyer, and he closes the door behind me. He turns and walks towards the library, so I follow him.

He leads me over to the two seats in front of his desk, shifts one to face the other, and then motions for me to sit. Then he turns the other seat to face the first.

"Can I get you anything?" he asks.

I can't read him. He seems fine. He almost seems happy. This isn't the Alex that I'm used to. This isn’t the Alex that I've known for the last seven months.

He sits down across from me and smiles.

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