Page 57 of Until

“But I thought the role travels with the company.”

“It does, but I’m just saying anything is possible at this point. Now, back to you. What’s the issue?”

“I’m probably overthinking things,” I say. “But I want everything to be perfect.”

“Ryan, I hate to break it to you, but nothing’s perfect. If you’re waiting for perfection, then you’ll be waiting forever. Jump in, take the leap. Tell her the truth. Do you really want to lose the woman you say is your soulmate?”

“We haven’t even had sex yet,” I say.

“Ohhhh, now I get it. You’re afraid of committing because it might not be great.”

“No, it’s the lying. As much as I want to have sex with her, it’s not right for me to do it when I’m knowingly lying to her.”

“And she hasn’t asked about it?”

“She’s not ready. She’s a virgin. I get it; she’s young, and she’s been sheltered. It’s working for me because I still haven’t told her the truth, so it’s buying me time.”

“But part of you doesn’t care because you just want to get jiggy with it.”

“Harold, no one says that anymore.” I laugh. “It’s conversations like these that make me miss my dad.”

Harold walks over to my desk chair and sits down, leaning all the way back.

“This is nice,” he says. “Now listen carefully because I’m not going to repeat this—women know things. Open up to her and be honest with her instead of continuing this ridiculous charade. That’s probably what’s holding her back. Trust me, a little honesty, and you’ll be getting some afternoon delight in no time.”

“Harold, please stop. And never talk to me again.”

“Are you kidding? You’d miss this!” He sits up in the chair and leans on the desk. “So when will you talk with her?”

“First of all, this has nothing to do with sex. You’re right, though, that I let the lying continue for too long. I know I have, and I feel bad about that, but there’s nothing I can do about that now. Second, we have plans to go to the cabin this weekend. I told her it belongs to a friend of mine. So I’ll tell her the truth there, and we’ll see how that goes.”

“Wait, let me get this straight,” he says. “You’re going to take her to a cabin deep in the woods, and then you’re going to tell her you’ve been lying to her for the last five months? That’s a great idea. Tell her something upsetting in a location she can’t get away from.”

I let out a long sigh. “You have a point about that. I’ll do it after we get back. How did this become so complicated?”

“That’s what happens when you lie,” he says.

I thought about my time with Carina and wondered if she could tell something wasn’t right. It makes sense with how I take her outside of the city or never bring her to my home. I’m lucky she hasn’t left me yet.

I need to do better for her. She deserves that.

CHAPTER 21

Carina

Iwake up and look around, and for a moment, I forget where I’m at. I get up and slowly recognize the wood-paneled walls and the high A-frame ceilings. Ryan calls it a cabin, but this place is definitely more than that. It’s like calling where Alex lives, just a house.

We arrived yesterday, and Ryan started the stone fireplace to cut the chill in the air. Being at a higher elevation, it was a cooler spring than I am used to, but the place is perfect.

The cabin is much bigger than I expected, with high peaks at the windows and a wrought iron chandelier hanging in the two-story living room. Even though Ryan says it belongs to a friend, I can’t help but feel like that’s not the truth. But then, who does the cabin belong to?

As usual, I’m deep in my thoughts.

Ryan suggested sleeping in separate bedrooms so that I would feel the most comfortable. I didn’t argue with him about it, even though I was looking forward to sleeping in his arms. That would have to wait for another time.

I wish our relationship wasn't built on my pact with Alex. It would've been nice to just go with the flow and experience things with Ryan instead of always thinking about whether something made me an even worse person for making this deal. But that wasn’t me. Sometimes, I felt if I wasn’t overthinking, then I wasn’t thinking at all.

I get out of bed and leave the bedroom to look for Ryan. I check the living room and then the kitchen, but no luck. This place is entirely too big to be called a cabin. As I turn around, I notice a note stuck on the refrigerator door.

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