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My day at work flew by and before I knew it, I was on my way home. During lunch, I went online and looked at photos of the ASU campus and imagined myself walking along the palm tree-lined sidewalks to class. I couldn’t wait. Just the thought of going away put a smile back on my face.

As soon as I got home, I grabbed the mail from the mailbox. I flipped through the envelopes as I took a few steps towards the front door looking for bills I needed to pay for my mother and stepfather. To my surprise, there was a thin envelope from Arizona State University. I was sure it was about my starting in the fall. I couldn’t wait to get inside to read it, so I ripped open the envelope where I stood on the sidewalk.

Dear Rosalie DeLeo,

Thank you for contacting our Admissions Department with the change in your student status. As I indicated over the phone, with the school year starting soon, this decision is final. Your admission has been delayed until the next school year as requested.

Sincerely,

Scott Overmeyer

Dean of Admissions

What the FUCK?!? Next year???

I ran into the house, tears streaming down my face as I thought about another year in this house with my mother and stepfather. My heart ached as it pounded in my chest, and my body trembled as I gasped for air.

I dropped the mail on the dining room table and pulled my phone out of my bag as I tried to calm myself down. Angrily wiping at my tears, I tried to read the phone number on the page so I could dial.

“This has to be a mistake,” I muttered to myself.

My mother stepped out of the kitchen, her face expressionless as usual. She entered the dining room with the ever-present mug of coffee in her hand.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

No, I like crying hysterically for the hell of it.

I couldn’t answer her. And even if I could, I wouldn’t be able to say what I was thinking. I handed her the letter and wiped at the tears rolling down my cheeks. She looked over the letter and shrugged before handing it back to me.

“I called them last week,” she said. “You have new responsibilities with Jim still out of work.”

“How could you?” I choked.

I collapsed into a chair, sobbing. I was stuck, trapped in this nightmare. My chest ached and I couldn’t catch my breath. For a brief moment I thought I was having a heart attack, but I pushed that thought from my mind and tried to force myself to calm down.

“It was Jim’s idea,” Mom said. “He doesn’t want you to go away. He’s having a hard time finding a job. I think they blackballed him at his old job with the city. Such a shame after twenty years of service,” she said before taking a sip of her coffee. “No one is calling him for interviews and you don’t expect me to go back to work, do you? If college means that much to you, I’m sure your acceptance at Rutgers is still valid, and they’re only ten minutes away. You can live at home and commute.”

I’d rather die.

I couldn’t speak to her anymore. I couldn’t even look at her. I grabbed my things and headed towards the stairs. Just beyond them, Jim was sitting in the living room watching television.

“You never left the key to your room,” he said.

There was no point in answering. I knew I’d pay for it eventually, but I ignored him and climbed the stairs. I wanted to be alone in my room and cry. That’s all I needed, just a little space and time to myself to figure all of this out.

As I got to the landing, I knew something wasn’t right. The hall had a lot more light than it usually did. My pace quickened as I walked down the hall, and then I saw what was wrong.

My bedroom door had been taken off of its hinges. My stomach twisted and I felt like the air had been sucked out of me, like the door leaning against the wall had been slammed into my body.

I needed to be alone. I needed to have some space to just lock the door and not worry about someone coming in. I needed somewhere I could feel safe. Flicking on the bathroom light, I slammed the door shut and reached for the knob to lock it. The lock was gone.

“This isn’t right, this just isn’t right,” I muttered.

My tears had dried up. I felt nothing but emptiness. I was numb. I needed to figure out how to survive in this house until I could move out, but how was I going to do that when most of my paycheck was going towards supporting them?

I entered my room and slid the door so it covered most of the doorway. My stomach clenched as I looked around the bedroom. Some things had been moved around from where I left them. That was another one of the reasons why I installed the lock. I was tired of feeling violated in the place I should feel the most secure and safe.

Settle down, Rosalie.

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