Page 26 of Something Like Sunflowers

My legs tense, my core pulses, and before I know it, I’m breathing in quick gasps, as I come so hard, I swear I see stars. Stars and planets and entire galaxies. All for him.

I just did that, I think, staring at the ceiling fan and lying there with Hunter’s video on the mattress beside me. In my brother’s house. On a bed Hunter most definitely uses as a crash pad often, based on the decor around the room I’m just now taking in. Oh, my God…this was his room…when he lived here. His. Bed.

Shit.

A knock sounds at the door, and I know it’s Dustin. I scramble to get my dress tugged down and hop off the bed, closing out of Hunter’s TikTok and praying to God my brother didn’t hear and know I was watching one of them.

“Hey, Dev, want some chili?”

I pull open the door and smile awkwardly. “Sure, I’m starved.”

I make my way past him, but before I reach the stair railing, he grabs my wrist and twists me back around. His eyebrow rises, just the one, and I know he knows. “Are you catching feelings for Hunter again?”

“What? No!” I shove away from him and continue my walk to the kitchen so he can’t see my face. And the lies written all over it. “He was just helping with my car, and we’re doing this work competition thing now, so—”

“Then why are all of his videos getting liked by you back-to-back?” He holds up his phone.

I whip around to face him with my hands on my hips, not bothering to look at his phone of lies. “That is both none of your business and wildly untrue.”

“You’re into him,” he deadpans, towering over me at six feet and looking me in the eyes. “Just admit it so we can all avoid whatever shit show’s gonna happen when you don’t. And keep in mind, he’s had a whole life here without you in it. You may be surprised by what you find.”

“I’m still not catching feelings. And there wouldn’t be a shit show. You’re being dramatic.”

His eyes go wide, and he laughs. “Okay! Fine, don’t listen to me. I’m only the one person who knows the two of you better than either of you will ever know yourselves. And I’m the one person who knows you both never stopped obsessing over each other like dumb, lovesick puppies or some shit. It’s actually super gross, and you should fucking thank me for even caring because the last thing I wanna see is my best friend all over my sister, you know? But you’re both adults now, so honestly, I just want you both happy. And if you’re both gonna be around here all the time again, you’re going to need to talk through some shit with him first.”

I huff at that. “One of us is an adult, you mean. The other one gyrates to Luke Combs songs while he shovels horse shit, is what it looks like.”

My brother’s jaw sets. He doesn’t seem to like that, a wave of serious energy replacing our earlier banter as he looks to the sky, like he’s praying for help. And in this part of the world, that means someone’s only got but a few more fucks to give you, so you better listen.

“Sorry, go on.” I drop my shoulders, meeting his stare.

“You need to admit you still have feelings for him, Dev. Hunter already has.”

I pause. I was prepared to listen to what he had to say, but that? That’s his grand piece of wisdom? That’s bullshit.

He wants me to admit it. Admit it? Admit that the one man I’ve always loved has been here getting hot as fuck and putting on little muscle shows for women on the Internet while I was off reinventing myself in a new school, a new city, with no friends, divorced parents, and made to dress, act, and behave like everyone’s pretty little princess—all while getting over fucking heartbreak? Let’s just throw in an eating disorder for good measure, but I’m supposed to just be okay with it all now because time has gone by and this cowboy with a Chippendales complex makes my hoo-hah tingle?

No.

“Whatever, Dustin. I can’t do this right now.” I walk away, but he stops me. He pulls me into a hug, and I hug back. I have to. It’s my brother. I know he just cares, even if he really doesn’t get it like he thinks he does. And he really does show it when he chews his bottom lip and sighs like he wishes he could fix it all for me. It’s a sigh I’ve grown to know over the years. Because he does love me. Dustin’s always been in my corner, even when things got seriously messy way back when.

“I know you haven’t had it easy. Trust me, I know. I was there, remember? I just want you to be happy. And Hunter’s my best friend,” he says, steering us to the breakfast nook. He pats the chair beside him, inviting me to sit. “He’s a good guy, you know? He’s changed a lot. He’s grown up, he even raises—”

“It’s fine, Dustin. Just stop.”

He listens.

And I don’t sit.

Until I do.

We eat our chili in silence for a few minutes, but what he said is itching at me. Catching feelings for Hunter is a horrible idea. Because when you love someone the way I love Hunter, you only end up torn and destroyed when it inevitably ends. And I’ve got to protect my heart this time.

Because I do love him. Not because I don’t.

And he should do the same.

We both need to focus on the competition. Which reminds me, I need to get hold of Clara’s number and see about getting involved in the pageant. I don’t seem to have a working number for her in my phone anymore, which is weird. I could have sworn it was a landline.

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