Page 81 of The Player's Club

And I wasn’t even angry with Elodie. She was innocent in all of this. But she’d selflessly let me vent my anger, hurt, confusion, desire, lust—everything.

I was angry with Caroline. I was pissed that she was dead, and I was pissed that she still haunted me, even in death.Did I need a fucking exorcism? Was that the only way to purge Caroline Bradford from my soul, once and for all?

I’d punished Elodie, flogging her like that. She’d assured me afterward that she’d enjoyed it, but would she still feel like that in the morning? If she ran off and never talked to me again, I wouldn’t even blame her.

I eventually fell asleep but woke to an empty bed. The sun hadn’t yet risen; it was probably close to five a.m.

I went downstairs and found Elodie at the kitchen table, a mug of something in her hand. She was staring off into space. She didn’t even hear me approach until I was right in front of her.

She jumped when I said her name. “Christ! You scared me.”

“Sorry.” I went to flip on the light above the oven. “It’s pitch dark in here.”

“I didn’t want to disturb you.”

I frowned. “From turning on a light downstairs? And how did you make something to drink?”

Elodie’s smile was wry. “I could make tea with my eyes closed. What’s funny is that I don’t even really like tea, but I didn’t think coffee would make sense. My mom was the one who loved drinking tea. When she was sick, I always made it for her. She always claimed that whenever I made her tea, she felt better. By the end, I knew she was just humoring me.”

I sat down, unsure how to take Elodie’s mood. “Are you okay?”

At the same time, she got up and said over me, “Do you want a cup?”

I nodded, only because it seemed like she was going to make me one regardless. What was ironic was that I hadn’t even known there was tea in my kitchen. Had Andrea left it here? I rarely used my own kitchen beyond storing essentials.

Elodie eventually handed me a mug and returned to her chair. We sat in silence. I inhaled the scent of the green tea. I’d never been a big fan of green tea, but I wasn’t going to mention that to Elodie right now.

I’d drink all the green tea she wanted me to drink if it meant she wouldn’t run in the other direction.

I finally set down my mug, and that made Elodie’s head swivel toward me. “I’m sorry,” I said bluntly. “I shouldn’t have taken out my emotions on you last night. You shouldn’t have been punished for something that wasn’t your fault.”

She didn’t reply for a long moment. Tapping her fingers against her mug, she replied, “It’s okay.”

Now, I was frustrated. “It’s not okay. You have a safe word, but would you have used it last night? I told myself you would, but now I’m not so sure. You can always tell me to stop—”

Elodie held up a hand. “Stop. Mac. You don’t have to punish yourself.” Her lips quirked into a wry smile. “I had a good time, although it was intense.”

“Then why did you come down here alone?” My mind was whirling.

“Because I needed to think.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “Although I consented to everything you did, I agree that it wasn’t . . . fair.”

My stomach dropped. “Fuck, Elodie—”

“No, let me speak. Fair isn’t the right word. I mean, you’re clearly going through something.” Now her gaze was direct, and it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

She said, “What Caroline did to you wasn’t right. I’m not going to act like it was. I don’t care what you think. I know that’s maybe hard to hear, but it’s true. You’re clearly going through something that isn’t just grief.” She reached out and took my hand. “Have you ever thought about talking to someone? Like a therapist?”

I didn’t know what to say. I’d never even thought of going to a shrink. What would they do? Toss pills at me and call it a day?

“I think what happened last night was because you have trauma you need to work through,” Elodie said.

I wanted to get defensive. I wanted to tell her she was wrong, that she didn’t have a right to tell me how I should feel, that she didn’t understand my relationship with Caroline. I wanted to say all those things, except something in her statement resonated. Something in her words spoke a truth that I’d been unwilling to hear for a very long time.

I swallowed, my throat dry. “I don’t know.”

“That’s okay. I just want you to think about it, okay? That’s all. Because if you’re using sex and BDSM to work through your issues—well, I don’t think it’ll end well for anybody. And I know you don’t want Caroline to keep coming between you and other people.”

She didn’t say the words I don’t want Caroline to come between us, but I heard them all the same. I squeezed her hand back.

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