Page 60 of Treasured Secrets
He looked away with shame and guilt in his eyes. "That's not a chance I'm willing to take with your life."
I put myself in front of him and forced him to look at me. "It's a chance I'll take all day."
He put his hands on my shoulders and sighed again. "I wouldn't let you take such a chance. I won't do anything that jeopardizes your safety ever again."
I rolled my eyes. "You haven't ever jeopardized my safety. I'm a big girl, and I can make my own decisions."
He was avoiding eye contact with me. "Not about this. I can't let you risk your life just to be with me. It's not fair and it's not practical. It's just your emotions running away with you, and for some foolish reason, I've allowed myself to get wrapped up. I'm only endangering you by getting so close."
"Don't. Don't do this. We've been stuck in limbo for so long - together but not together. Don't do this."
He groaned, letting his hand roughly slide through his hair. "Aria, you don't know what you're saying."
I could feel tears forming in my eyes. "I know we're soul mates. I can feel it. Every time we touch, every time you look at me, every time I even get close to you, I can feel it. I can feel the pounding in my heart getting heavier anytime you're gone for too long. I know I'm right about this. Don't say that it's just my foolish emotions, because I know it's so much more."
"I don't think you understand. Soul mates are hard for immortals to understand, let alone mortals. I know that you feel for me, but it's the attraction to my immortality. It's a normal feeling. Mortals have always been drawn to immortality. A link. It's not me. Magic is completely intoxicating. It draws you in without you even realizing it. Your magic isn't here yet, but I can still feel it pulling me in. It's strong and almost irresistible. But that doesn't make us soul mates."
I was dumbfounded. I'd been certain that he knew it was as real as I did. I couldn't believe he didn't feel the same way. But I was mostly crushed by the fact that he viewed me as he did any other mortal.
The dams broke and tears began pouring out. "I thought… I was sure that… I know I feel something between us. I know it's more than an attraction to immortality. I'm not attracted to anyone but you. All I can think about is you." I watched as he winced lightly, and I sloppily wiped my tears away.
He spoke even quieter. "You and I have a strong bond, because of how much time we've spent together. The magic in your veins is stirring from being in such close contact with mine. When you're immortal, all of those feelings are amplified to a degree you can't even comprehend yet. Once you transform, you will see all of that with such better clarity. You will also understand the emotional linkage as well. When you transform, the strength of that link will be gone. The connection that draws you to me will be gone."
His eyes twitched with pain, and he took a steadying breath.
"You don't want to kiss me. Not like this. I've fought so incredibly hard to resist such temptation. Everyday I fight the urge and try not to let myself want you."
Tears were pouring out faster than I could wipe them away. "Quit fighting! I don't care why you think I want you. I know why I want you. It's more than your immortality or our magic. And it's much more than some stupid link!
"It's the way you smile when I talk. It's the way I feel when I'm sleeping beside you. It's the way I feel when you're waiting on me outside with coffee in the mornings. It's the way you stare me in the eyes, and I know you're the only person in the world for me. I was so sure you felt the same way."
He wouldn't even look at me when he spoke again. I could hear him clearing his throat so as not to choke up.
"I know it feels like that, but I know what I'm talking about. Your mind will change; the way you feel for me will change. It's going to kill me as it is. I don't want to make this any worse than it's already going to be. I've been so selfish by letting your human emotions affect me.
"We're drawn to mortals, too, and the feelings they have. You can love and lose, and then love again. It's not that way for us. I've been around for many years. I was glad to feel free to care the way you did. Until you, I didn't even know how much I yearned to feel connected to someone - real or not. But if you waste the rest of your mortal life with me, you'll regret squandering the chance to be with whoever you choose while you can still choose.
"The reason a soul mate bond is so strong is so that magic can carry on. It's not a bad thing once you've found it, but until you do, it's a lonely road. I can't let you give up your opportunity to choose while you still can. You'd never forgive me, and I'd never forgive myself."
Tears flooded my face furiously now. It was almost hard to breathe. I felt as if I was going to hyperventilate. "I choose you. I choose everything about you. If you don't think I can love you later, then just let me love you now, because I do love you ."
He had tears flickering on the edge of his eyelids, trying to fall. He wouldn't blink in order to keep them from doing so. "I can't do this to you. I care about you too much. I want things to stay the way they are. In my world, there is more to love than just love. You can't help it."
I took a deep breath. I was hurt and mad. I was so confused and embarrassed. "They can't stay the same. I want you, and I just told you I love you. If you don't want me that way, then you should go."
"Aria, please." His tone pleaded for me not to do this. I regretted ever saying anything.
I lowered my voice, letting anger slither away to leave me alone with my pain and humiliation. "I can't right now. I can't pretend like I didn't just try to give you my heart completely. I can't pretend this isn't unimaginably painful. I can't pretend that it's easy to be with you right now. Just go, please. I need some time to process all of this."
My voice was barely a whisper by the end. I couldn't look at him anymore. It hurt too much.
"Aria, I never meant to hurt you. That's what I'm trying not to do."
I put a hand in the air and turned my head away to stop him from talking. There was nothing he could say right now to make it okay that he wouldn't even consider that I might be his soul mate. I was just a dumb mortal to him. He was the dumb one though. I knew I was right. I just didn't have the strength to keep fighting at that moment.
"I know you didn't mean to, but you did just hurt me. Please... go," I whispered.
I turned around, facing away from him. Then I heard the swish of wind blowing out the window. I walked over to the same window and watched him drive away. He blazed out of the driveway. I could hear the squealing of tires for miles. At least I didn't have to worry about him dying in a car wreck.
