Page 87 of Talk Nerdy To Me
I watch, wondering what exactly is about to happen, because I’m fairly sure he’s about to have a foreign object inserted into his anus, and they are acting as though this is an annoying, yet completely normal task. I’m unnervingly alarmed by how riveted the entire situation has left me.
Krysta chokes back a laugh when Taylor quickly places the Roman Candle inside Randy’s butt cheeks and—
“Too close to the exit hole!” Randy squeals, confusing me.
Taylor groans, nose wrinkling as he adjusts the firework, and Randy’s ass clenches, holding the stick steady as Taylor lets go and walks over to Krysta with his hands out. She squirts hand sanitizer on his hands like she received an unspoken request.
I envy how easily she adapts to confusing situations. And envy is not something I like to experience.
“Five or ten shots?” Base asks as Sticks starts flicking a lighter near the firework.
My eyes widen with realization just as Randy answers, “Five.”
The fuse sizzles when it catches fire, and Sticks jogs over to us as I watch with rapt attention.
A little whoosh happens just as the first ball of light bursts from the stick wedged in Randy’s ass, and it explodes in the air, crackling and sparking. A grin spreads over my lips when the second one happens and Randy howls in excitement.
Base chuckles, and I ask, “What’s the purpose of this?”
Another little burst of light crackles in the sky. Number three.
“We haven’t figured it out yet,” Base answers absently as number four shoots out and goes much higher than the other three before it.
As the last one darts out and crackles, Randy hoots loudly and relaxes his ass. The spent tube drops to the ground, though it’s still between his cheeks. Just as he starts to reach back and remove it, laughing like something great has happened, a sixth shot bursts out unexpectedly.
“Shit!” Randy shrieks as the shot fires into his pants at his ankles and ricochets back, slapping into his testicles.
“Fuck!” Taylor shouts, diving just as Randy leaps up, shouting, “My balls! My balls!”
Randy has his ass clenched again as he slaps at his balls, which are smoking.
As Randy screams and dances with his pants still trapping his ankles, a seventh shot fires from the tube and hits the ground. It bounces and ricochets, then charts a straight path directly toward my face.
No sound leaves my lips before I’m tackled to the ground, Base coming down on top of me as number eight fires in the background. Someone shouts for him to get it out of his ass, and someone else shouts for him to sit down.
“I’m not fucking sitting!” he shouts just as number nine fires and bounces across the ground again, this time skittering into the very wet woods.
It’s probably for the best that there was a heavy rainfall yesterday.
The tube finally drops from Randy’s butt cheeks, and he falls onto the ground when his ankle-tangling pants finally take him down. Shot number ten fires, and the tube—no longer held stable by Randy’s ass’s iron grip—is launched back. It slams into Randy’s balls as the tenth shot explodes against the side of the van and rains crackling little sparks on everyone before dissipating into smoke.
As Randy sobs and holds his abused groin, the rest of the camp goes quiet in the absence of randomly exploding fireworks.
“For fuck’s sake, Randy!” Base shouts, lifting off me and helping me to my feet. I’m still a little dazed by the madness, if I’m being honest. “You said five shots!”
“It was,” Randy groans from the ground.
Sticks grabs the open pack of Roman Candles, and he glares over at Randy. “It’s a five pack, you moron,” Sticks growls. “Which means five fucking candles. It clearly states there are ten shots each.”
“Now you tell me,” Randy whimpers as he finally starts trying to pull his pants up.
“I think he’s been punished enough,” Krysta says, seeming to struggle to control her facial features as her lips smile and go straight multiple times in a row.
“Dammit! It left a fucking mark!” Taylor shouts, staring at his van in horror.
I can’t see anything wrong with just the firelight illuminating it from a distance.
“Yeah, well, it left a mark on my fucking balls too, you insensitive prick!” Randy shouts.
