Page 81 of Talk Nerdy To Me
“The gelatin-like candy is malleable and designed to demonstrate the different types of hymens. Without tearing them, carefully pull away the excess, then place one type of gelatin hymen under every doughnut, carefully lining it up.”
Another image pops on screen, and I really want to die. In four different ways. One way for each of the hymens I’m about to have to replicate with a fruit candy and a doughnut in a roomful of mostly new-teen girls.
How did this happen?!
Sucking it up, Sticks and I begin constructing the hymens—something I never thought I’d be doing in my lifetime.
“While there are a number of ways a hymen can appear before sex, given the wear-and-tear hypotheses where some hymens can look like a honeycomb, there are four accepted labels for hymens, according to my research.”
Randy is looking from the diagram to the doughnut, perfecting his shit like he needs to ace this test. Taylor is muttering to himself, probably constructing four ways to kill me—one for each hymen doughnut.
Sticks tears his second hymen, shoves it at me, and takes my untorn one to replace it. I just glare at him.
Britt better not inspect these, or I will kill him for that.
As of right now, I feel like I owe him a little. The least I can do is give him one of my hymens.
Britt grins, glancing around, as everyone finishes.
Then she moves to the diagram of all four vaginas with different hymens.
Another note slides in front of me from Taylor.
Thanks to you, I’ll never hook up with a virgin now. Thanks a lot. I’ve been traumatized.
I crumble the paper and tuck it into my pocket, when the old lady beside me snorts indignantly, because that old bat has started reading the notes we’re passing.
“No offense, but I get why the Sterling guys say this isn’t their thing,” Sticks whispers to me angrily. “They don’t want to look like perverts in a room full of virgins, most of whom still need a legal guardian in attendance to even hear this lecture.”
“The solid hymen that completely blocks the vaginal opening is the imperforate hymen,” Britt tells us, her eyes flicking warmly to me.
I force a smile, and, since I don’t want her knowing how uncomfortable I really am, for some reason, I wink at her. Then realize that was probably not the best time to wink.
“I don’t have one of those, remember?” she tells me directly, as though she thinks that wink meant I was somehow insinuating her type of hymen.
Everyone looks over at me. I can feel it without turning around to see it.
“Really hate you,” Sticks mutters, practically disappearing under the table when he slinks down even farther.
Britt goes on like it’s no big deal. “The imperforate is actually not notably common, but it’s more common than most people realize. And in most cases, needs to be surgically taken care of early on to avoid painful discomfort.”
Randy scribbles more shit down for reasons I can’t fathom.
“The septate hymen has two openings with a band of tissue in the center. Though, the openings are rarely ever equal in size,” Britt goes on. “This type of hymen is still not considered common, but some stats show that one in every one thousand women have them, and very few women actually know their type of hymen. So I’d say it’s more common than most of us realize.”
Britt points at this mentioned hymen on her diagram, and I glance down at my septate doughnut, trying not to make eye contact with her again so I don’t do something stupid that makes her think I’m once again assuming her type of hymen.
“Penetration is a novel feeling that can cause the stretching to be painful, and everyone will have different experiences, mostly because none of our hymens are exactly the same.”
I risk a glance up as she points at the next one.
“Microperforate hymen is up next, though, you will find various names for all of these on the internet. I find these all to be the most scientifically valid. This particular hymen is known for the pinhole entrance that prevents it from being an imperforate hymen. These sometimes need more stretching before sexual penetration is considered.”
Britt pulls up her stick and points to the final one. Thank fuck.
“The crescent moon-like shape of this one is the most common hymen, dubbing it the ‘normal’ hymen because of its commonality. It has more elasticity and can be stretched easier before sexual penetration to ensure the least amount of pain.” She glances at me. “This is actually my hymen.”
I hold up an okay sign with my hand, and start wondering how many people in here might recognize me.
