Page 160 of Talk Nerdy To Me
I only have so much fortitude left in me.
“But, to sum it all up, despite the fancy phrasing, all of this is because you think you are not good enough for me,” he goes on, still seeming distant and slightly confused.
I don’t know why he has to insist on that particular phrasing.
“Like you said…it shouldn’t be so hard to do something as simple as start a relationship. I overcomplicate things because I need more time to process, and I’m still too much work,” I add. “I have to let people hear what they want to hear because I can’t engage in the conflict necessary to make myself heard unless I have a lot of preparation.”
I can’t help but wonder if he intentionally decided on his underwear choice because he wanted me to see he’s wearing the boxer-briefs I bought him.
He puts his hands on his hips, his head falling back as his eyes flutter shut.
“People never react the way I prepare for them to act, and I’m not stopping until you understand me. I have several different arguments prepared. Do you understand that you don’t owe me anything, or do you still think this is your fault?” I ask, hoping the end of this conversation prompts him to finish changing his clothes.
His head comes down, brow wrinkling again in what appears to be confusion, before he once again scrubs a hand over his mouth.
His eyes rake over me as he takes one step closer.
Then another.
And another.
“I need space for this conversation. It’ll feel too much like—”
I’m not even really sure what else I planned to say. The second his hand suddenly moves, cupping the back of my head, and his lips come down on mine, I stupidly kiss him back.
I really thought he was finally understanding me.
There’s such a weak realization when you feel your strength evaporate so easily because of the inexplicable power one person holds over you.
My hands slide up the back of his neck, kissing him harder, when I’m supposed to be keeping space. His other hand slides down my back, as he starts walking me somewhere. My eyes are shut, so I don’t know. I’m pausing my brain on purpose.
It’s not until he starts lowering me to the mattress that I summon the strength to break the kiss.
His head drops, and he groans into my neck, as I pant for air, becoming very aware of the fact he’s settled between my legs.
“I think I need to start over, because I’ve miscommunicated crucial information somehow,” I decide aloud as he starts kissing his way down my neck.
I press into him, mostly because I’ve really missed him and he’s making this conversation very hard to have. I never knew I could be emotionally starved for someone’s touch after having it in such abundance…until this moment.
Just kissing him, feeling him hold me like he used to, is such a very unexpected reckoning to face. The weight tries to lift off my chest at the hope of reconciliation.
This is the real why people never make the logical decisions they look back and see so clearly.
They’re powerless.
His hand slides up my bare leg as I become twice as aware of how indecent this dress can be when lying down.
“I heard you perfectly well, Britt. But we think very differently, and I strongly disagree with most everything you just said. I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree,” he says before his lips lazily brush back up my neck and he starts dragging my underwear down very slowly.
“I’ll do better at listening in the future so we can avoid these miscommunications,” he says, once again making this his fault, even as his lips curve in a wry grin.
My underwear stops at my knees, because he stops pulling them off when I put my hands on either side of his face and force him to look at me.
“Britt, I don’t want you to be fucking perfect,” he says before I can try to start over, his lips curving like he’s amused by this.
“You’re oversimplifying,” I say very seriously.
He pulls my underwear down my legs the rest of the way, his eyes never leaving mine as he lifts enough to get them off one foot. Then the other.
