Page 149 of Talk Nerdy To Me
He even chokes back some laughter and turns away when he can’t stop himself.
“This is why bands break up. The bandmates are all giant dicks,” I point out, only causing his laughter to double as he leans over the counter.
“What’s so funny?” Sticks asks as he walks out.
Taylor is too busy laughing to answer, but Randy comes busting back in with a bag in his hand.
“The fucking dirty store? You bought my ‘serious’ replacement outfit from the motherfucking dirty store?” I ask the dick I’m going to murder.
Taylor’s laughter reaches hysterics, and he makes a donkey braying noise.
“It’s the only place that sells shit like that around here that I know of,” Randy says as he pulls out the…sexy elf costume.
Sexy. Elf. Costume.
“It’s for women,” Sticks says, his grin slowly growing as I silently wish I could rewind this day and skip my run.
“They don’t make them for dudes. I checked,” Randy says as though that changes everything, and Taylor’s laughter turns into an outright riot.
I snag the bag out of his hand, out of time and options, and curse as I go to Taylor’s room—because…no dog hair—to change, but pause.
“Randy, this is a fucking skirt. Not leggings,” I groan.
“It’s the only elf costume they had.”
“You keep saying that like it solves all my problems!” I say while consciously making an effort not to shove his head in the toilet at this point.
The door swings open, and I see Taylor in the floor, heaving for air as he turns a shade of purple. Just as he sucks in a long breath, he bursts out laughing all over again.
Sticks stumbles into the messy room, laughing as well, as he goes to the closet and pulls out Taylor’s girl box that is full of things left behind by overnight guests who wear his boxers out.
“What color do you need?”
“Any color of brown is in the dress code.”
“Got nude ones here that look about your size,” he says as he starts laughing a little harder, pulling the leggings from the box.
“I’m going to go try to win back a girl, who you pointed out has abandonment issues, after I gave her a really stupid ultimatum. And now I’m going to have to do it wearing a sexy elf costume and some random chick’s leggings. How is any of this fucking funny?” I ask him very damn seriously.
I hear the ridiculousness, and I know why they’re laughing. It’s still not fucking funny right now. Not to me.
The relentless dog has apparently gotten free, because I spot it barking up and down the hall as I rip open the bag and start pulling on the tight, stupid, motherfucking top that stops two inches above my navel.
This is a nightmare. A real, present, and horrifying nightmare.
Sticks chokes back a laugh and turns around, putting his back to me as I mutter curses and work on tying the damn laces.
“This will be remembered as the day I started hating all of you,” I tell him as I shuffle out of my jeans and start pulling on the leggings. “Please tell me these have been washed,” I add…and then replay the stupidity of that hopeful statement.
“I want to pretend they’ve been washed, because I need the win at this point,” I go on as all three of them laugh all throughout the house.
Taylor’s laughter hits the high notes, right along with Randy’s, as Sticks drops to Taylor’s bed, covering his face with his arm as his laughter shakes his damn body.
“Get my fucking boots, Randy, you dick,” I call out. “I can’t go in my room because it has dog hair all over it by this point.”
There’s some stumbling heard through the endless laughter before Randy comes through with my boots that I rip out of his hand. His eyes widen on me when he finally sees the proof about how terrible he’s made my life this day.
He doubles over, because yes, I look the most ridiculous I’ve ever looked in all my life.
