Page 146 of Talk Nerdy To Me
“I know what you’re doing,” I tell him as his arm slides around my back, pulling us much closer than is considered appropriate for a waltz.
One of my hands goes to his, and my other comes up to his shoulder, barely touching him.
“What am I doing?” he asks.
“Even I know that’s a cheap version of a coy grin,” I point out as his lips just turn up more. “You’re attempting to render all points of conflict irrelevant, but that’s impossible.”
He shakes his head. “Nope. I’m just growing the fuck up, Britt. That’s all I’m doing.”
It’s so hard to ignore how good it feels to have him pulling me closer and closer until we’re essentially just swaying on the dance floor.
He drops my hand, curling his other arm around my waist, and both my hands slide to rest on his chest as I stare at him.
“You held back because we were supposed to be temporary,” he says as he starts moving me backwards.
“I held back because I knew I wasn’t really fucking good enough,” he goes on.
“That’s not what—”
“Careful. That’s starting conflict by arguing with me, Britt,” he chides, smirking as I blow out a breath.
“You avoid conflict because it makes it really hard to keep the emotions out of things, and you get too emotional to conduct yourself in a comfortable way when conflict gets intense.”
“I know,” I inform him, wondering why he’s telling me things I’ve already determined about myself long ago.
“Which is why we’re having this conversation bit by bit until we finish it. We’ll just talk as much as you’re comfortable with until you trust me enough to try this thing for real,” he adds.
I freeze against him, and he smirks.
“I was both right and wrong, Britt. You were also right and wrong. At the end of the day, you’re eventually going to realize you’re fucking terrified of this because you can’t shut the emotions out with me, even when conflict isn’t involved. I don’t let you.”
I start to push away, but he keeps his arms around me.
“I don’t coddle you, because I know you’re capable of a hell of a lot more than you seem to think you are; you just keep holding back,” he goes on so casually. “It’s what you loved and hated about me, if you’re being honest. And it’s why you wanted to stay friends.”
“We’re not friends,” I remind him.
“Sure we are,” he goes on, lips tugging up in the grin again.
He leans down, lips brushing mine just enough to send my body into a flurry of wild reactions. “You’ll eventually realize you’re just being stubborn, and if I’m lucky, you’ll come to me. In the meantime, I hear there’s an opening for a friend with benefits.”
My head reels back, and I…just gape at him.
“We can’t do that.”
“We already did that,” he reasonably points out. “Technically, it’s all we did, and we did that part very well, so why couldn’t we do it again? Unless you’re admitting that you have unresolved feelings for me you’re too scared to face and that’s really what’s holding you back.”
He lets go when I push at him this time, but he snags my hand before I can walk away. “I love you, Britt,” he says like it’s the most casual, effortless thing in the entire world to say.
The harp player misses a chord before stopping abruptly, and I feel a lot of eyes on us. I can’t seem to tear mine away from his to look around the room, though.
“I moved myself into your house when I liked your eyes. Now I love you. Do you really think I’m just going to throw in the towel while you’re fighting me because you’re scared? I’m a little more stubborn than you, Britt. In a battle of wills, I’ll win.”
I want to point out how very irrational that entire statement sounds, but I turn and walk away instead, because I know what he’s trying to do.
I can see it in the devilish way he grins when he tries to purposely antagonize me.
Just as I get outside, I hear someone jogging to catch up with me.
