Page 120 of Talk Nerdy To Me
“In small pieces, Britt. You don’t expose anything. You keep everything locked away. There’s a fucking problem. I do listen. You just don’t talk.”
The rain comes down harder, forcing me to raise my voice as thunder crackles overhead and lights flash all around us as cars continue to weave around our loop.
The panic tries to rise in my chest, but I work to push it down with every single mental tool at my relevant disposal.
“It’s all an unimportant blur that I don’t want to dig around in just to appease your desire to see how broken I once was, Base. I existed. That’s it. I moved on in a healthy way that you don’t approve of, because you still want to save me. Just like you did when you showed up with a picture where I had ‘sad’ eyes.”
He laughs bitterly again, shaking his head.
“I can’t believe this. You are seriously trying to make it look like I’ve been a shit guy to you these past few months, when—”
“No,” I say quickly, some of that panic bubbling out as inconvenient tears prick my eyes. “I’m just not expressing myself right if that’s what you think I’m saying.”
“You box yourself inside this emotionless void where conflict can’t touch you if you don’t let it. That’s why you’re not good with conflict, Britt. You’re sabotaging this just because you’re fucking scared.”
“I am scared,” I tell him honestly, my voice cracking a little. “Just give me a second to write all this down and—”
“Just email me whatever the Sterlings tell you to say to cushion the blow to my defensive ego,” he says as he backs away, his expression so cold.
“Base, that’s not—”
“There’s not really any sense in getting into farther conflict about it, Britt,” he states flatly as he backs up more, putting his hands in his pocket as he steps out into the rain, letting it pour onto him. “It’s doomed from the beginning if we need third parties involved just to start a damn relationship. It shouldn’t be this hard. I need to be the one you talk to about us.”
My lips part, but I don’t even know what to say in counter to that. When I just stay silent, he glances away.
It shouldn’t be this hard.
“I’ll have Sticks swing by and grab my things. It was almost great, Britt. I hope you at least got all you wanted out of it.” His tone is disbelieving, cold and nothing at all like him.
That panic settles on my chest, and I just freeze, not speaking, afraid of only making it worse as more tears sting my eyes. He gives me a disappointed, sad look before he turns and sprints off into the rain, and I just stare as my clutch tumbles to the ground.
I open my mouth, but no argument comes to the tip of my tongue while he disappears into the folds of the downpour.
Absently, I lean down, pick up my clutch, and start walking in the opposite direction toward the building. Toward the chatter. Toward the lights.
Everything’s neither here nor there, just sort of existing around me. My right heel sinks into the ground, so I pull my foot out of it and abandon the shoe where it’s stuck. The left heel forces me to repeat the process when it sticks as well.
“Ms. Sterling, are you okay?” a man asks as he runs toward me.
I guess I’ve made it back. Is he holding an umbrella over my head as he walks me the five remaining feet to the covered entrance? That seems irrelevant by this point. Surely I’m already soaked.
I give him an absent nod of gratitude as I head inside. People part for me, slowly turning to stare as I head toward the laughing crowd in the back. Did Maverick tell a joke?
It’s the end of the night, so this is the part where the couples get really sweet toward each other. I usually leave by now.
Maverick’s eyes widen on me in what appears to be surprise. It shouldn’t be surprising. I’ve been here all night.
Everyone else turns to look at me, and it goes silent as the happy expressions turn into the same look Maverick has. It becomes increasingly evident they’re expectantly waiting for me to speak.
“Base drives me places most of the time so that we can spend more time together,” I tell them, gesturing behind me as I stare at the champagne on the table. “I don’t think he’s taking me home tonight,” I add as everyone remains silent.
The water drips from my hair, and my pretty dress is indeed drenched all the way through. I’m starting to feel the wet chill now.
“I’ll dry myself as well as possible before sitting in anyone’s vehicle,” I add as a single tear rolls down my cheek, my gaze falling down to my bare, wet feet that have shards of broken grass blades on them.
“Fuck’s sake, Britt. I’ll take you home. What’d he fucking do?” Dane asks me with a worried tone as Rain moves out of his lap.
Dane stands, moving toward me, but I take a step back and halt his advance.
