Page 60 of The Broken Wolf's Redemption

“Human? Wolf? A woman who is powerful enough to take what she wants?”

“I wasn’t the one taking.”

He blinked at her. “Weren’t you?”

She slow blinked back. “Signing that contract was not a form of dating.”

“What if going forwardis?”

Her eyes fixed on the table behind him, still in the kitchen with the four chairs surrounding it. He’d set up two places, bought two dozen white roses, even gone as far as to find taper candles and candleholders. He’d done what he’d never done in his life and made an effort to be romantic.

“Are you asking me because you’re afraid of making another mistake? Because letting Lila go was the worst thing you ever did? Are you asking because you’re lonely, because you want a mother for Waverly, because you’ve decided that you want to repair a life and live it the way you see other people living it, blend in, make an attempt to be normal?”

“No. But letting Lila go was a terrible thing. That’s the past. I can’t undo it. She’s no longer here.”

“Are you still in love with her?”

He could have died at that question. “Some part of me will always be, because she was my first love, my greatest mistake, and the worst tragedy of my life. She’s Waverly’s mother and I’ll always see her in Waverly. There’s no forgetting. If I could go back, I would save her life by refusing to ever see or speak to her again. Although, I’m not sure that would have been enough. I’m not sure that making her my mate and keeping her with my pack would have been enough. No matter how much I might have loved her or thought I loved her, I’m not sure we would have ended up together in the end.”

“Why would we, then, when neither of us want it?”

Why indeed? He’d given very few people the truth, but Seren deserved it. If he wasn’t fully honest, he’d never see her again. That wasn’t speculation. It was a truth he sensed. “All the semantics and arrangements and fears aside, do you want it? I didn’t think I did until I met you, and then I wasn’t honest. It was more than just your body I wanted. I thought that owning you was the solution. I thought I could just let you go. I know I can’t. Despite what I might want, I can’t. Not unless you demand it. If you tell me here and now that never seeing me again is what you need, I would respect that because I want to respect you.”

Her brows shot up. “I’d become another mistake?”

“No. This time, I’m not letting you go. I’m not going to shut up and disappear. I’m going to tell you how I feel and I’m going to fight for it. It’s not what I wanted, and it might not be what I want right now, but you’re inside me and what I want no longer matters. You’re a complication. You’re heartache. You’re a blind spot. Knowing you and wanting you makes my life vastly more difficult. I would never pretend to be good for you. I would try to provide and be good at that, for you and Waverly, should you ever want to be included. I come with all the baggage and all the strings you could imagine. I can’t begin to list the things that are wrong with me. Half of them I probably don’t even know the technical terms for. I’ve been blunt and honest with you because I couldn’t seem to do anything else, however annoying that might have been. You know that I haven’t lived a good, clean life. That I’m not father material and certainly not mate material. You know I’m a bit of a monster, that I have barely any soul left, that I have only a sliver of a conscience. Your body wants me anyway. Your mind says something else. Your reason is against it. I’m firmly in the same position. And yet. Here we are.”

She rolled her eyes and huffed. “Very romantic.”

“It’s not. Nothing about this or me has been. I haven’t dated you. I’ve tried to demand, take, and force. That was wrong, so I’m here, choosing you, despite my better judgement.”

“Jesus god, that’s still not doing it. You’re going to have to up your game here.”

His lips twitched. If she was truly angry, he’d know. It was there in her voice, but it wasn’t reflected in her voice or her eyes. They were still that deep, icy, watery blue. “That’s the truth. It might not be romantic, but there it is. I’m going to choose you even though all of me says no. If you choose me too, you know exactly what you’re getting with zero promise of anything better or any change going forward.”

He waited for her response. And waited. He wouldn’t rush her.

He just feasted on the sight and nearness and the sweet late-night scent, tangerine scent of her. That was new. She’d never smelled like citrus.

Seren’s golden beauty came from the light of the sun trapped inside her. It mingled with the dark of night and turned into something he could bathe in, stand in, look directly at without fear of being blinded. She was good even though she hadn’t always known it from the world and all that was in it. She’d rarely seen it from him. Had anyone?

He wasn’t worthy of her. He wasn’t worthy to stand in her presence and gape at her in awe. He wasn’t worth his family’s forgiveness and continued love and support. He wasn’t worthy of the child who called him papa. He wasn’t worth even a fraction of what this woman needed.

She should condemn him. Look at him with disgust and pity. That wasn’t why she’d come.

Fuck, it hurt.

It hurt worse than loss, worse than the grief that had hollowed him out, stealing the few good parts of him that had existed before. It was a hole through him and all that was left was jagged edges that could never be stitched together.

She wasn’t going to try. She wasn’t going to put him back together.

She was here for him exactly the way he was.

She was here and she didn’t hate him or pity him. He didn’t disgust her. She didn’t think he was a monster.

Finally, he couldn’t wait any longer. He had to keep going. This was the only confession she’d ever get from him. It was apology, plea, and promise all in one.

“I’m twisted. Dark. Wrong. I have the worst kind of soul. It’s not no soul. It’s still there. But it’s black. Warped. Disgusting. I’m so fucked up. You won’t be able to shape me and remake me. I’m never going to be the kind of man you’d brag about to your parents.”

---