Page 49 of In The Shadow of The Wolf

He felt like a fool now for having waited so long to meet his handsome mate. Why did he wait five months? Why did he put everyone’s needs above his own and the needs of his mate? Their first meeting should have been a celebration, not the shit show of disappointment it turned out to be.

Alpha Lance joined him on the deck and brought him a cold drink. They sat in companionable silence until Alpha Lance finally spoke.

“I apologize for the attitude of my men in the house. But you need to understand that Jamie McCormick is one of the most loved and respected members of my pack. Every man inside considers him a friend. Jamie is always quick with a smile and a helping hand or emotional support. He is always there when needed.” Alpha Lance explained but did not sound in the least apologetic.

“I understand and appreciate their concern for my mate. I know I’ve handled this very poorly, and I want to fix it.” Ivan did not elaborate, because he couldn’t. At present, he had no idea how he intended to fix it.

“Jamie will be here after dinner, and it will be your opportunity to set things right. Jamie is one of my stronger gammas. Physically he is tough, but emotionally he is not. Jamie has the softest heart of anyone I know, and you’ve already broken it once; please don’t do it again.” With that said, Lance stood and went back inside and left Ivan to his own thoughts.

Ivan understood now why Alpha Lance had been at the police station when he arrived. He was there to shelter Jamie from Ivan’s insensitivity. Lance knew the encounter was most likely going to be painful for Jamie, and he was there to protect him. Ivan had no idea over these past five months how much pain he was causing his mate. Ivan felt it when Jamie turned his back, and he felt it even deeper when Jamie walked away.

He had not provided for or protected his mate. Lance had taken care of Jamie, had taken his feelings into consideration, and protected him. Lance was a good Alpha, in tune with his pack. Ivan was getting a view of the Lonepine pack that he had not seen the last time he was here. They took care of each other, and their Alpha was their protector; he took care of everyone; they were a community, and they were a family. This was the type of pack that, through love, respect, and security, would thrive and grow - unlike his pack, which was withering and dying.

The Traverse Bay Pack was on the edge of extinction, and no one seemed to care. Surviving members were stuck so far in the past with archaic ways and ideas that there was little hope for change. They were shrinking with each death because they refused to seek out or accept new members.

They stood against any mating apart from wolves. They reject mating with humans or other paranormals, so when a wolf finds their mate outside of the pack, they then leave the pack. The Traverse Bay Pack had shrunk from a once robust membership of over three hundred to just barely eighty members.

He had hoped to take Jamie home with him and present him to his Alpha and brother Viktor by the end of next week, but that now appeared unlikely. Besides, now that he had experienced the Lonepine Pack, he wondered if staying was not the better option.

Ivan skipped dinner and opted to remain on the back deck and wait for his mate. Alpha Lance said he would send Jamie to him when he arrived. It was now after seven, and Jamie had not as yet appeared. Just as that thought formed in his mind, he heard someone leave the house and walk out onto the deck. In an instant, he scented Jamie. Ivan took a deep breath, comforting his wolf with the presence of their mate, and waited for Jamie to speak.

“Hello, Ivan,” Jamie spoke and sat down on the bench next to Ivan.

“Hello, Jamie. I’m glad you came.” Ivan did not elaborate. Ivan needed his mate to tell him what was wrong and what he needed. He would listen and try to understand. Jamie was very different from any wolf he’d been accustomed to, so he wasn’t completely sure how to proceed. He did know that Jamie was his mate, and he would do anything to secure his health and happiness.

Having him sitting so close was playing havoc with Ivan’s heart and breathing, not to mention the fact his cock was suddenly hard as steel. No one had ever caused such a feeling or reaction; he wanted Jamie more than he’d ever wanted anything, and he needed to make sure Jamie knew that.

“I’m sorry for walking away from you this afternoon,” Jamie stated and turned to regard Ivan’s surprised expression. Jamie felt terrible about his behavior once he calmed down and had a chance to process everything. Ivan was his mate, his dominant mate, and he just turned his back and walked away. He should have controlled himself and talked his issues out with Ivan; walking away had been immature and a slight to his mate. “I should have stayed, and we should have talked again. I apologize.”

“I understand why you left,” Ivan said and carefully reached over to cover Jamie’s hand with his own. He was pleased when Jamie did not jerk away. “I’m the beta of my pack, and my brother Viktor is Alpha; I am not accustomed to considering feelings or emotional outcomes. I do my job as I’ve always done and put my personal life last.” He cast a hesitant glance at Jamie, who was staring at his hand and listening.

“I had my reasons for waiting, but now they seem stupid and insensitive. I put my personal life last, not realizing that in so doing, I was putting you last. Know that you were always on my mind, but I thought I had my duty and that my needs would be taken care of when my duty was satisfied. I’m sorry, Jamie. I never meant to make you feel as if I didn’t care or didn’t want you. You are my mate, and I thought of you every morning and every night, and I ached to be near you.” Ivan had no more to say and waited for Jamie to respond.

“I’m sentimental if you haven’t already figured that out. I had dreams about meeting my mate and being swept off my feet in a wave of love and desire that would overwhelm us both.” Jamie glanced around the area as if buying time and gathering his words. “When you walked into the station, I was blown away and so excited that you were my mate. I thought it was a surprise for you too.” He paused to take a deep breath and center himself before continuing.

“I expected so much, and then you tell me that you’ve known for five months and were way too busy to bother with something as insignificant as your mate. You had your job and your duty, but if you could have called me, I would have come to you. All my dreams and expectations crashed when you sucker-punched me with that information. I didn’t know what to say; my heart was lying at my feet and pumping blood all over the floor. I needed to leave before I embarrassed myself.” He turned and looked at Ivan directly for the first time since sitting down. “I shouldn’t have run. My expectations were unrealistic, and I should have understood that. You are my mate, and I will honor, respect, and cherish you even if you can’t reciprocate.”

The silence fell hard, neither moving and neither speaking. All the words already spoken were swirling around them. Ivan wanted to reassure his mate and convince him that he could be a good mate and he would honor, respect, and cherish Jamie; he just didn’t know how to say it. Jamie still held his hand, and Ivan considered that a gift, so he continued to hold it tight.

“I am sorry for my behavior, and I’m sorry that I hurt you. What I’m really sorry about is that I didn’t realize sooner what my waiting five months would mean to my mate.” He took a deep breath and sat up straight. “I put you on the back burner; my needs were not important; my job was important. In my mind, I was denying myself. I never factored in the pain it would cause you. Even earlier this afternoon, I thought that if I lost you, then it would be what I deserved and would be just more martyrdom for Ivan.” He dropped his head and stared at their clasped hands.

“I didn’t consider the fact that you would lose your mate also. I’m a selfish bastard Jamie, but I promise you I can be a good mate. It will take time. I am who I am, and that will probably never change, but I don’t want to lose you. I will honor, respect, cherish, and love you.” He looked at Jamie and their gazes locked. He saw affection and hope to shine in the sage green depths, and it brought his wolf to the forefront.

His mate needed something from him, and he wasn’t going to disappoint. Ivan jumped to his feet and grabbed Jamie around the waist, and tossed him over his shoulder. Jamie, caught by the surprise move, didn’t resist but gasped as his body was flung over Ivan’s shoulder. Ivan shot a tentative glance back at the house, and before anyone could interfere, he ran for the woods, his feet moving fast and sure like the beta he was. He could run for miles without breaking a sweat, and he planned on running until he and Jamie were alone.

Jamie was stunned by Ivan’s reaction but exhilarated by it also. He held tight to Ivan’s shirt as the ground raced by beneath his gaze. He grunted when Ivan leaped over some downed trees and ran faster than anyone Jamie had ever seen run outside of their wolf form. His mate was powerful and amazing.

Ivan wasn’t familiar with the area, but he knew water was off to his left. He could smell it, and usually, that afforded a pleasant landscape. He veered left, and the small rushing river came into view. He was used to large bodies of water, being born and raised on the shores of Lake Michigan, but he had to admit for a small river, this one was impressive.

He slowed to a brisk walk, slightly shocked that Jamie had not spoken yet. He could feel Jaime’s excitement and revel in the knowledge he’d pleased his mate. He may have acted on instinct, but it was right. He wanted his mate, and he was going to show him just how much. His wolf told him to grab Jamie and run, so he did just that.

Ivan found a soft grassy spot next to the water with some tree cover and gently laid Jamie down on his back. “I’m thinking your wolf took over,” Jamie said with a satisfied grin.

“He did, and I didn’t fight it. Sometimes he’s smarter than I am.” Ivan eased himself down on the ground and stretched out on his side next to his mate. Jamie turned his head and stared at Ivan, who took it as the invitation it was. He leaned over and took Jamie’s lips in a soft explorative kiss, gently learning the contours of his mate’s enticing mouth. He cupped Jaime’s jaw feeling the soft skin beneath his touch and wondering if his mate had shaved this evening just for him.

“You taste like the sweetest of berries and smell so fresh and clean. I am your mate Jamie, and I want you as a wolf wants their mate.” It was a declaration and a question wrapped as one, and Ivan waited for Jamie’s response as he continued to rain kisses from his forehead to his throat and back again.

“I want you too, Ivan. My wolf is about to tear me apart if I disagree, and I have no intention of disagreeing.” Jamie took Ivan’s lips in a forceful possessive kiss that surprised him, but Ivan was very soon on board and taking control back from his beautiful mate. He rolled on top of Jamie, pressing him firmly into the soft grass and causing the smell of the fresh green earth to envelope them.

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