Page 48 of In The Shadow of The Wolf

Jamie tasted as good as he looked, and Ivan found himself lost in the scent, taste, and feel of his wondrous mate. His wolf was pushing forward, demanding that they claim their mate, but Ivan knew that formalities had to be attended to first. He would have a lifetime with his mate; he could wait a little longer for their bond. Ivan pulled back but kept his gaze locked onto his mate. Jamie seemed stunned, but there was something else in his gaze which Ivan found unsettling. He saw sadness, and he couldn’t understand it.

Jamie was overwhelmed by the attention and realization that Ivan was his mate. Ivan had been in Lonepine five months ago, but they had never met. Why did he come back, and how did he know Jamie was his mate? Jamie needed answers, because what he assumed to be the truth was causing a cold chill to creep down his spine. He feared the unimportant business that could wait five months to be dealt with was, in fact, himself, Jamie McCormick.

His mate saw him as an insignificant detail in his life. Jamie stepped back when Ivan released him. He’d enjoyed the kiss and the closeness, he would never deny that, but he dreaded his future if indeed Ivan was as cold and distant as he seemed. Jamie glanced around and noticed that everyone, including the Alpha, had left. They were alone, and Jamie could ask his questions. He ached, but he had to know where he stood in regard to his mate.

“How long have you known that I was your mate?” Jamie spoke clearly, but with a slight tremor. He knew the answer, and he knew it was going to hurt. He kept his eyes focused on Ivan’s. Ivan did not answer immediately; he held Jamie’s gaze as if gauging his reaction to his answer.

“I scented you when I was here to take custody of Jordan Randall. You were away, but your scent permeated the area around your desk. I then heard your voice over the phone when you were speaking with Officer Moore, and that was when I knew for certain that you were my mate.” He spoke as if weighing and measuring each word.

He saw the sadness and hurt flash in Jamie’s eyes before he quickly suppressed his emotions leaving just a flat expression of total control. Ivan waited for Jamie to say something, but he said nothing. “I had a job and a responsibility to the victims of Jordan Randall and a duty to my pack.” He was suddenly overcome with the need to explain himself.

“Sure.” It was one word spoken short and tight but possessed infinite meaning. Jamie looked away just as Alpha Lance walked back into the room. The Alpha swept his gaze over Ivan and then landed on Jamie, who at present had his back to them both. Jamie wanted to say more, but his emotions were everywhere, and he did not trust himself not to cry. He could not appear weak to this man; he could never show this man his vulnerabilities. He took a deep breath and regretted it immediately. Ivan’s rough sent of evergreen nearly had him buckling at the knees.

Ivan stepped forward and tried to steady his mate, but Jamie gently pulled away and kept his back to him. Thankfully Alpha Lance felt his pain and discomfort and allowed him an exit.

“Jamie, go and assist Ryan and report back to me at the Pack House afterward,” Lance told Jamie, who made a hurried exit through the back door of the police station. Ivan watched as his mate left without a glance or a word to him.

“I claimed him verbally in front of his Alpha. Why did Jamie walk away from me?” Ivan turned to the Alpha and asked his question.

“Five months might mean nothing to you, but to someone like Jamie McCormick, it is heartbreaking. He needed to leave in order to pull himself together. He was barely maintaining control; couldn’t you feel it?” Lance spoke with a disheartened tone in his voice.

“I felt that he was upset, but I didn’t completely understand it. I am a beta wolf, and I am bound by my duty to my Alpha and my pack. I knew his name and location, and I planned to return for him as soon as was convenient.” Ivan defended his choices even as he questioned them in his own mind.

“See, there’s the problem, mates aren’t convenient; they are meant to be life-altering and miraculous,” Lance informed. “Mates aren’t important in your pack, I take it?”

Ivan rounded on him with a look of utter disbelief. “Mates are life-altering and miraculous in my pack, but my duty is my oath,” Ivan stated, still not understanding the depth of emotion he was experiencing since his mate walked away. The feeling of sadness, disappointment, and abandonment was tearing at his heart. He was besieged by emotions he’d never experienced before.

“But how does your mate fit in with your duty and your oath?” Lance asked and then walked out of the room, not waiting for an answer.

CHAPTER TWO

Jamie was so thankful for his Alpha’s rescue; he didn’t want to break down in front of Ivan Rand. His control was shredding under Ivan’s dismissive attitude. He didn’t try to find Ryan; he knew the Alpha meant for him to go home and get control of himself. He was also ordered to the Pack House later that night. Alpha Lance was giving him a reprieve, but he wasn’t completely letting him off the hook.

He needed to face Ivan, and he needed to be strong when he did so. Jamie went directly to his apartment just off of the main street and changed out of his uniform, and put on a pair of comfortable jeans and a light t-shirt. He wanted to call his parents but wasn’t sure what he could tell them at this point. He found his mate, but the man couldn’t give two shits about him. Doesn’t sound like a match made in heaven.

Five months the man waited, five months to seek him out even though he was well aware that Jamie was his mate. It was unconscionable as far as Jamie was concerned; mates were to be celebrated, not ignored.

How could he live his life with a mate that thought so little of him? He grew up with two of the most loving people who ever existed. His parents loved, adored, and honored each other every day of their lives since the day they met. Jamie assumed he would find the same love with his mate, but instead, he gets a mate who puts his love, welfare, and future last. He will surely always put Jamie last.

Ivan had his duty and his code, and his mate was inconsequential. He could have called, sought him out online, anything to reach out and make his existence known. Anything would have been better than five months of taking care of every other person in his life, and then when he had time, he came for Jamie.

Ivan probably assumed Jamie would fall into his arms, and they would head back to Ivan’s pack tomorrow. He probably thought Jamie would put his duty as mate to the revered beta as first priority, and everything else would be put on the back burner. Jamie could not live a life of disregard. Could he bond with a man who so obviously sees him as an inconvenience?

He would meet with Ivan tonight at the Pack House, and they would talk, but he would not be reduced to this beta’s bed warmer. That thought brought with it considerations of commitment. Would Ivan be loyal, or would he have others in his bed besides Jamie? Has he been with others over these past months even though he knew Jamie was his mate? Ivan Rand was cold and detached enough that it was definitely possible.

If a wolf never truly bonded with their heart, it was possible for them to stray. That was an outcome Jamie refused to be a part of. He would have to tell Ivan that as mates, they were probably better off with two states between them. Jamie’s wolf was not happy with the course of his thoughts but had calmed considerably since feeling the rejection from Ivan.

Ivan did not apologize, but simply explained as if Jamie was to accept everything the man said without question. Apart from the devastating kiss which left him more light-headed than he would admit, Ivan was cold and reserved in this meeting which should have been loving and glorious.

Jamie took some responsibility since his own behavior had not been exactly warm or welcoming. He suddenly felt guilty for leaving. His wolf was whining and urging him to forgive. Ivan was his mate. For better or worse, the gigantic wolf was his mate, and you shouldn’t question fate. He would meet with Ivan, and they would talk.

…

Ivan entered the Pack House, and unlike the last time he was here, it felt cold. People were looking at him like he murdered kittens or drowned puppies for a living. It was unnerving. Both Alvin and Dean, two of Lance’s enforcers, had been more than kind and welcoming during his last visit, but today they barely spoke to him apart from acknowledging his presence in the house.

He didn’t really care what they thought. His only concern at the moment was what his mate thought. Jamie was now at the forefront of his thoughts, and the memory of his heartbroken expression when he realized that Ivan had waited five months was causing a massive ache in Ivan’s core.

He walked out onto the back deck and took a seat on one of the long benches near the house so as to look out onto the vast acreage that was Lonepine territory. He needed to think and to make a plan to convince his mate that he was a complete moron when it came to feelings, but he was worth the effort.

---